Ty Lee did not like the fluttering of trepidation that accompanied her in her return to the home islands. She liked far less the fact that the first thing she had to do when stepping foot back home was to meet with Azula in her old room.
Privately.
"Ty Lee." The princess greeted her with a warm smile, set to a backdrop of contented blues and reds. "I'm glad you're here so promptly." There was no snark or hidden context in her words.
Ty Lee kept her usual smile up with ease as she bowed. "You called and I answered, Azula. Congratulations for your successes."
Azula gave a single, proud nod before her aura and tone became blunter. "Thank you. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get straight to the point for both our sakes. Ty Lee…"
The other girl couldn't help silently gulping and holding her breath.
"...would you like to remain here?"
Ty Lee blinked at the unexpectedly genuine question. This was not the cold banishment she was expecting.
"I'm sorry?"
The princess shook her head slightly as she sighed. "No, you don't have to be sorry. You've been avoiding me ever since…ever since that incident."
She had, partly out of guilt and shame, partly because she didn't want to face her friend in the midst of processing the tumult in her head.
Azula remained calm and collected as she continued, not a hint of judgment or anger coloring her. "We haven't gotten a chance to talk since then…really talk, but I understand if you do not wish to go over it. I too understand if you find my company to be…awkward to be around." Only then did she stiffen visibly and brownish trepidation began to seep into the edges of her aura. "Therefore, I will not begrudge you if you wish to remain on the islands. If you'd like, I could ask for a referral into a theater or…circus of your choice."
The brittle smile on the princess told Ty Lee that her friend was still being honest.
Ty Lee found herself frowning deeply. Is that what she wanted, truly?
No. Obviously not. Despite the distance she'd put between herself and Azula, Ty Lee still felt attached to her friend, and had found her time in Ba Sing Se to be very much enjoyable. But…
But was it right for her? Was it right for Azula?
Ever since the shock of her impulsive near-mistake, Ty Lee had forced herself to look inward and for some soul-searching. It was a…confusingly painful process, which was mostly because Ty Lee couldn't see her own aura to offer clues to what she was really feeling. She stared at herself in the mirror for nights, finding nothing but an eerie void in her reflection even as she scowled and sobbed in frustration.
She couldn't see her own aura, couldn't see any of the vibrant colors she found in others. It was why she'd been basking in the colors of others all this while. It was why she did her best to craft the lively reactions that brought out the vibrant and pretty colors that she wished for herself.
It had been an ingrained habit of Ty Lee, and only recently did she realize that it might not be the best thing. She was becoming too reactionary, too impulsive in chasing the right shades in the auras of the people she interacted with. And breaking her denial of that fact had raised a lot of uncomfortable questions.
Did she go along with Azula's bullying last time because she didn't know any better, or because she preferred the bright oranges and yellows directed on Azula's target compared to the angry blacks and red Ty Lee knew she'd face if she tried standing up to the princess?
Did she like teasing Azula and Mai because of the sheepish smiles it elicited and the mutual laughter afterwards, or because of the pretty shades of pinks it made?
Did she talk with Xing's people because she was interested in what they had to say, or because their auras danced so prettily as they delved into the topics with gusto?
Did she try to kiss the princess becaus- No, there was no questioning about that one. She'd tried to kiss Azula only because she didn't like the blacks and grays on her at the time, and Ty Lee just wanted to rid the gloomy aura out of her friend. She'd run out of patience, and just wanted the ugly colors gone.
Better embarrassment than fear, Ty Lee remembered thinking at the time.
It was horrid of her to have focused on that instead of the anxiety Azula was feeling. That she and Xing reacted very mildly didn't help Ty Lee's guilt in any way. So she took to the task of training that Xing assigned to her with all the focus she could manage, using it as a convenient distraction. Away from her roiling thoughts. Away from Azula.
"Ty Lee?"
The princess' concerned voice snapped Ty Lee back to the present, where she realized she was gnawing at her bottom lip.
Azula misinterpreted the unconscious action, as she took on a more apologetic expression. "You are free to choose as you wish, Ty Lee. You have my word that I will not hold anything against you." The sting of trepidation in her eyes almost made Ty Lee wince. "I'd…I'd like us to remain friends, but if distance is what you need-"
"No!" The denial came out with a strength that surprised both girls. Ty Lee froze for a second, and then hurriedly delved into herself to be certain of the intentions behind her words. It was hard to meet Azula's quizzical gaze. "I…"
She wanted to stay. She wanted to remain friends. She wanted to be away with the stupid awkwardness between them.
But that would mean trying to explain…everything.
The other girl took a worried step forward, her aura swirling in a deep blue. "Are you alright Ty Lee?"
"I'm-" Ty Lee caught herself from replying instantly, from trying to turn that blue into something brighter. Azula deserved an honest answer.
But how would she answer? How should she answer?
The thought of seeing seething black tendrils from Azula terrified Ty Lee, even more so if it was directed at her. But worse than anger was the possibility that her royal friend might… That she might…
"Ty Lee?"
She looked straight into her friend's concerned eyes. "I'm scared," Ty Lee found herself croaking out through a hitched sob. "I'm sorry Azula. But I'm scared…"
Azula took a step back, an ugly yellow streak shooting across her aura. "I'm sorry that-"
"No." Ty Lee shook her head vehemently. "Please, it's not you Azula. I'm just…I can't…"
She felt herself being pulled forward as her friend's body pressed tightly against her and comforting arms embraced her.
Even with her face half-buried in her friend's shoulder, Ty Lee could see that Azula's deep blue worry was beginning to turn into a mushy gray that-
No! Spirits damn it, not now!
It took a second before she realized the weird noise was her sobbing into Azula's shoulder. "It's alright, Ty Lee. You don't have to say anything you don't want to."
But she needed to. For herself, and for Azula to know how bad of a person she was.
If only she could string the right words together and force it out of her sobs.
Ty Lee didn't know how long she lost her composure before she found herself sitting on Azula's bed, with her friend still soothing her with gentle pats with one hand, and offering the other for Ty Lee to squeeze onto for support. The stab of guilt at seeing the bleak chromatic worry on Azula's expression overruled Ty Lee's usual mild distaste at such colors.
"Better?"
"I…" Ty Lee gulped, and then salvaged what resolve she had left to meet Azula's gaze. "I need to explain, Azula. B-But I…I don't know how…"
"It's alright." The princess offered a comforting smile. "Relax. Pace yourself, don't force yourself to make sense. We have time."
"But-"
"Shush. Xing's got things handled, and delegation's a thing. Believe me when I say that I've got time, Ty Lee. Even if we have to bring this back to Ba Sing Se." There was a sympathy in Azula that Ty Lee never saw before, her voice radiated warm oranges like she'd been through the experience before. "Assuming you want to go back there, anyway…"
Ty Lee nodded furiously.
The princess gave a wan lop-sided smirk. "Trust me, you'll need to pace yourself. I went through the same thing, back when Xing made me realize some…harsh truths. Took us days, on and off, to get everything out, to make everything clear. Being able to voice it and having someone listen helped a lot…"
Azula's smirk turned into a wistful smile, which lasted for barely a second before she shook her head and gave Ty Lee a gentler one as she leaned over. "Look at me, making it about myself again. I'm sorry Ty Lee. Let's start slow, alright?"
Ty Lee gulped as she nodded again, and calmed herself by basking in her friend's gentle yellows and cyans before making an attempt at coherency. "I'm…I just want…need to-"
She stopped, and restarted again. Several times, in fact, each time adjusting the words to make the sentence clearer for Azula.
"I-I need you to know why I tried to kiss you that night." There.
The princess frowned slightly and gave a slow nod. "It's important for you, Ty Lee, so go ahead. Don't worry, I promise I'll be listening to everything you want to say."
And listen she did. Azula focused intently on Ty Lee's attempt at explaining herself. She didn't have to reiterate several times that it wasn't an excuse, but the girl did so anyway. And her friend patiently took in every word as she promised to, occasionally snapping an arm up to wave away servants peeking in to interrupt.
Remarkably, she managed to unload most of it, all the important parts at least. And Azula remained seated beside her, her face fixed in a mild frown as she digested Ty Lee's muddy stream of words.
"So, you're trying to move away from your…habit of responding for the sake of making the right colors?"
"Yeah…" It sounded lame when Azula put it that way, but she gave a firm nod that somehow turned it into a grave matter.
"Well then, we'll have to hammer out the details on how to proceed."
"What?"
Azula's eyes narrowed just a fraction. "You said you wanted to stay in Ba Sing Se?" Ty Lee simply nodded. "Then we'll have to figure out how to help you break away from your habit."
"You're not mad?"
The princess stared at her for a second before huffing. "Ty Lee. I'm still trying to make up for my many, many failings as a sister and friend. There's still a lot I need to resolve with Zuko for the many abuses I've dealt to him. Mai too requires a long talk to decide the fate of her father, however she wants to pretend she doesn't care about him. And then there's the fact that I'll have to figure out how to make it up to both my fiance and my new Kyoshi Warrior friend for essentially pimping out the former so that I could…dabble with the latter."
"What?"
Azula rolled her eyes. "Long story. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that you following the whims of auras is far from the worst thing around, especially when compared to the shit I've done. So no, I can't even begin to be mad."
A wry smirk suddenly wormed its way on her features. "If anything, I should be thankful that you…expanded my horizons."
Ty Lee blinked in confusion, but the princess shook her head. "Anyway, back to the matter at hand. You want to be more sincere in your expressions…"
They plotted (well, Azula plotted and Ty Lee offered some feedback) up until evening, and Ty Lee found herself enjoying the moment of semi-normalcy between them. It almost felt like old times, where the princess schemed to inflict pranks on Zuko or some unfortunate tutor and Ty Lee and Mai would have to listen in to do her bidding. Happy moments, if not happy times.
Azula was right; it felt way better after she had someone listen to her, especially someone who was close like Azula was.
"Everything alright?" Only when Xing appeared by the door did the girls finally put a pause to their conversation.
Azula got up from the bed to throw her fiance a smirk. "Yeah, just girl's talk, that's all. Dinner?"
"Dinner," the prince wreathed in a halo of contented red confirmed, and then gave Ty Lee a questioning look.
"She's not leaving," Azula answered plainly. "I misread the situation."
Xing smiled, happy on her behalf, and then directed it at Ty Lee. "I'm glad you're still willing to stay in Ba Sing Se."
"Well, there's lots of things to do there," she replied half-heartedly, catching herself from making a vapid remark and opting for meeker sincerity. "I love Mai, but I've got friends in your city too."
"I'm sure we can make it so that you're exempt from the movement restrictions," he offered with a sagely nod. "Anyway, we can discuss it over dinner."
"Right then. Come along, Ty Lee."
Catching the looks exchanged between prince and princess, Ty Lee suddenly remembered a pertinent tangent to revisit. "So…what's this about Xing and Suki?"
It was a genuine question, one that Ty Lee couldn't help but ask, aura or not. Still, seeing the couple stumble was pleasing, and with the way Azula coughed, Ty Lee couldn't help but giggle.
"Perhaps we'll get to that topic after dinner. And the topics related to that…"
Judging from the speculative looks Ty Lee was receiving from both of them, she found her curiosity significantly piqued.