Sybbie lay down on her bed that night. Huge tears streamed down her cheeks like waterfalls and she burrowed her face into her pillow, to try and quieten the sobs that were wracking her frail body.
Her normally long, thick brown hair was matted to her scalp and needed a good brush. She couldn't bring herself to care, her mind wondering elsewhere. All that was going through her mind was what happened last night, the encounter that would change her life forever. She had never seen it coming, he was supposed to be her friend! They'd grown up together, had laughed and made mischief together. This betrayal was nothing short of traumatic.
"William! What on earth are you doing? William, please stop! It hurts!," She struggled beneath the body of one of her longest friends, she began to scratch and kick violently in an attempt to make him stop and get off of her.
How had this happened? They were both only 14 and Sybbie of course had never even thought of having intimacy like this until she was much older and married. Sybbie Branson, the granddaughter of the Earl of Grantham had been overpowered by her closest friend. William knew what her thoughts about intimacy was, being from an aristocratic like hers knew what was expected of them. She watched in fear as his eyes turned dark and full of rage, whispering harshly in her ear that she was a whore and had been leading him on.
She shuddered violently as she remembered the memory, protectively pulling the bedspread around her shaking body.
They'd been walking through the fields surrounding Downton, like they did most times he would come to visit with his family. They'd been talking normally about how he'd been getting on at Eton, how his summer holidays had gone, what they would be doing in the future. All of a sudden, as if a switch had been flipped, William dragged her behind a bush and shoved her down hard. It knocked her into the brambles and mud and left her temporarily winded, gasping for breath she soon found her voice. She told him to get off of her and asked him what he was playing at. His voice cut through hers as he tore open her dress and told her to just enjoy it. His hands found her breasts and pulled down her bra, immediately his fingers latched onto them in a very firm grip. She yelped in pain and almost immediately he had covered her mouth, to stop anyone overhearing what was about to happen.
"William.. please don't! What are you doing? I don't want to! Please, you can't do this!"
"Come on, Sybbie! Just enjoy it. I have wanted to do this for so long." He bent his head and kissed her neck, leaving her sick and even more frightened.
"William this isn't you. You're one of my closest friends, you're the one who always let me play with you and George! You always included me, even when my grandpapa said not too! You're like another cousin to me, please don't do this to me." She began to sob and kick more, hoping that it would snap him out of whatever he was doing. Instead he laughed, a cruel laugh that sounded so foreign coming from him. He bit her neck, hoping for a better reaction, instead she cried out in pain and tore her head away from him. Her neck was already bruising quite badly, he gave her a disappointed look.
"But Sybbie," he growled grinding his hips against hers, "I'm having fun." his dark brown eyes stared down into her horrified blue ones and he chuckled as his hands slipped into her panties and rubbed over her barely covered intimate spot. He was disappointed to find no wetness there.
"Aren't you even a little excited by me?" He growled, shoving her panties to the side so he could clumsily rub against her opening.
"Stop it!" she wriggled and kicked under him, hoping to get him off of her but it was in vain. She wanted to be anywhere else but here, why hadn't she taken up her Aunt Mary and Uncle Matthew's offer to go down to the village instead. She wanted to scream and cry even more but she knew it would do her no good now. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry, whatever had happened to the William she knew was beyond her, but she didn't recognise this person above her. He was already becoming too excited by her begging and pleading, she tried to push his hands away. She was desperate for him to turn back into the kind and caring boy who she knew, the kind and gentle boy who before this had never laid a finger on her before even in jest.
"For fuck sake," he said angrily. He glared down at her, removing his hands for a second to undo his trousers. "Stop being such a bitch and just enjoy yourself." She felt bile rise in her throat, hoping to come up with something to make him stop what he was doing. The only problem was, the panic that she felt through her body was consuming her and she had no idea what to do or say.
As she heard his zip coming undone, she couldn't stop the first lone tear that fell from her eye. This couldn't be happening to her, she couldn't be having her innocence and virtue stolen from her. She then heard the awful sound of him tearing her panties in half and throwing them off to the side, she felt something hard touch her most private spot.
"William... William please. No!"
The top half of her body was tender from all the bite marks and forming bruises from him grabbing her. The marks that would be there for days, maybe weeks even. A constant reminder of what the person who she had once loved like a brother had done to her. She felt his hips move again and a fresh wave of tears fell down her face, " William please, you can't do this to me."
"I can do whatever I want," he growled and pushed roughly into her, groaning as she let out a sob of pain. The friction that he caused with just that one movement sent pain waves through her, she whimpered tearfully.
All Sybbie wanted was to tell someone. To tell anyone while there was still enough evidence, but she was so ashamed and embarrassed. How could she ever look at her Aunt Mary, Uncle Matthew, her beloved cousin and best friend George and tell them what had happened. How she was no longer a virgin, how she was now spoiled and ruined. The only thing she was thankful for was that her dear papa and mama were no longer around to see what a car crash her life was about to turn into. The memory continued.
She couldn't scream because his hand was covering her mouth. She wished that one of the servants or gardeners could come to her rescue, there was normally so many of them. Why couldn't they come to her rescue?
If she could just reach something like a big stone, then she could hit him over the head and make this nightmare stop. But, with his weight pushing down on her and the pain going through her body, she wouldn't be able to reach anything. As William thrust in and out, her mind went totally blank, revelling in nothing but the pain he was inflicting on her body. He was supposed to be her friend! They'd known each other their whole life, did that mean nothing to him?
He continued thrusting, ignoring her pleas to stop and before she knew it, he went ridged and finished with a groan. He got up and smirked down at her before walking off towards the house, leaving her naked, terrified and broken on the floor. She stayed there for a few hours before getting up and pulling her clothes onto her body. She limped into Downton, so thankful that there was no one really around to see her in this state. She snuck into her room and crawled into the bath, allowing the hot water to burn the scent of him away.
Sybbie whimpered as she came out of the memory. She got up out of bed and looked in the mirror, taken aback by all the marks and bruises covering her body, she didn't know how she was going to explain this away. How she could cover up the marks when Anna would normally help her dress and do her hair, the only thing she was grateful for was that he had left her face alone, that way no one would know by looking at her.
A couple hours had passed and she heard a knock on the door, "Who is it?" Sybbie said, pulling on her dressing gown to cover herself up.
"It's Aunt Mary, darling. Would you like me to send Anna in now? It's almost time for breakfast, your uncle and George will end up eating it all if we're not careful."
Sybbie opened the door, nothing looking amiss. She plastered a fake smile onto her face, "No thank you, Aunt Mary. I want to get dressed myself today. I will be down in a moment" She bit her lip softly, managing to conceal how much pain she was in. There was no way she could say anything, not at the moment.
Mary frowned slightly at the odd request, something seemed off. Not that she could pinpoint it mind you. She nodded slightly, "Alright, my darling. You have 10 minutes until the bell goes, I will see you down there." She reached a hand out to smooth the young girls hair from her face, when Sybbie jerked back sharply.
"Sorry, Aunt Mary. Your hands are freezing," she said smoothly. Mary raised her eyebrow, "Cold hands? In August? Ok, I'll see you soon," Mary left the room and headed down to the dining room, alarm bells going off inside her head.
Sybbie shut the door behind her aunt and breathed a sigh of relief, she had adverted the attention off of her for now. She sat in front of her dresser, brushing through her matted hair with her brush, gently getting rid of all the knots until her hair looked perfect. After that, she made her way to her wardrobe, selecting a casual dress from the rack and putting it on. She made sure it covered all the bruises, all the remnants of yesterday hidden under the fabric. She took a deep breath and shivered slightly, fixing a smile to her face.
She walked down the stairs, saying good morning to any servants she passed along the way. Reaching the dining room, she turned the handle and stepped inside, looking at her Aunt, Uncle and cousin, "Good morning Aunt Mary, Uncle Matthew, George." She gripped at her dress slightly, subconsciously trying to comfort herself, she felt totally on edge.
"Good morning my dearest girl," Matthew smiled warmly. He gestured to a seat between himself and Mary, he filled the young girls plate up with bacon, eggs, sausages and pouring her a cup of tea. Sybbie sat down in the chair and nodded her thanks, picking up the knife and fork she glanced up at George, who was home from Radley College for the Summer.
"Morning Sybbie, did you have a nice time with William yesterday? Mother and father said he'd come to visit?" George said, stuffing a piece of bacon into his mouth, while Mary scolded him for his bad table manners.
The blood in her veins ran cold, her breathing became shallow and her hand trembled, an action that didn't go unnoticed by Matthew who frowned, "Is everything ok darling? You have gone pale. Are you unwell?"
Sybbie's throat tightened, her breath came out in short gasps, "I'm fine, really. I just... I can't. I am fine Uncle Matthew. It was fine, the same as usual." She felt so bad lying to him. That man had always loved and protected her from the moment she could remember, always including her when he would take George out to play outside, who always snuck them in cake and other treats into the nursery when their nanny wasn't looking and who had never once raised his voice to her. She gulped her tea, trying to wash away the knot in her throat.
Matthew and Mary glanced at each other, not at all amused by their niece's attempt at lying to them. Worry and concern etched it's way onto Mary's face. She felt entirely responsible for Sybbie, after the death of Sybil when Sybbie was only a few hours old and then the devastating death of Tom two years ago and then factoring in her own mama and papa deciding to retire in Scotland. There was only the four of them, and they were close. Very close.
George just ate his way through breakfast, not noticing at all the tense atmosphere in the room, after all he was only 15 and oblivious to anything that didn't concern him. Sybbie pushed the food around her plate, not wanting to eat at all. She felt physically ill, she couldn't bare this. It hurt.
"May I be excused? I think Uncle Matthew's right, I'm coming down with something," Sybbie looked at her aunt who had just put her knife and fork down.
"Yes, you may. Up to bed at once! Why didn't you say you weren't well when I was in your room? You do look incredibly peaky," Mary fussed feeling her face to check for a fever, it took everything in Sybbie's body not to recoil away. It's Aunt Mary... It's Aunt Mary... you're safe, it's not William.
Sybbie got up shakily and stumbled towards the door, hiding the pain she was feeling in between her legs and stomach, "I'll be down in a couple hours.. I'm probably just tired," she whispered.
"Nonsense! You will be staying in bed for the rest of the day young lady and your aunt and I will check on you later on," Matthew admonished gently, his tone laced with worry and concern at the odd behaviour his niece was exhibiting. George giggled slightly, his parents were such worriers. They always did this with both himself and Sybbie.
Mary waited for Sybbie to leave the room before turning to George, "George Matthew Crawley! Stop laughing at once! This is not a laughing matter, I think something is seriously wrong with your cousin. She wouldn't let Anna dress her this morning, she insisted on doing it herself. Has she said anything to you about what's wrong with her?"
George looked contrite, he thought for a while his hand running through his hair, "No mother, I didn't see her yesterday at all. I was at the fair with Bertie, John and Alfie until about 8:00pm and then the driver took me home and I went straight to bed honest."
Matthew looked concerned, he knew his son would never lie to him. Sybbie was his best friend, he was her elder cousin. Something he had always taken seriously. He knew his boy would never lie when it came to his cousin's welfare.
"Alright, my dear chap. Don't worry so, your mother and I will get to the bottom of this. Go and enjoy your day, off you go." Matthew pat his son on the back, smiling encouragingly as the young boy went off outside.
Mary and Matthew stood up, exiting the dining room and going into the drawing room, sitting on the big chair Mary cuddling into Matthew's chest.
"I don't like this Matthew, something is really not right. She was so skittish when I was upstairs in her room."
Matthew ran a soothing hand up and down her back, kissing her forehead. He too was very worried about the little girl who had stolen a piece of his heart all those years ago.
"We will get to the bottom of this my darling girl, I promise."