Shame filled my face the next day after I had committed my act. Aaron avoided me every chance he got, at practice, at school, in the cafeteria.
My unbridled lust had ruined everything, the video I had sent to Aaron had so repulsed him that even Professor Dolph admitted that we were not a good training partner, as neither of us could see eye to eye.
The only way to fix my mistake was to pay Aaron the money I owed him, that way he would talk to me again and we could start from scratch, the problem is that Orland kept so distant that even my battles stopped in the arena for a while.
"I've ruined everything" I said to Finn as I drank my tenth beer at the bar.
"Calm down buddy, at least for now you've controlled your need to sleep with the first guy you meet, it must really hurt back there" Finn said snapping me out of my trance.
At least life was easy if I looked at it from that point of view, enjoying myself with the toy he recommended had managed to stave off my lust.
I could always use the toy and use the screen to watch Aaron, I could always touch my skin thinking that his hands were crawling all over my naked body. I couldn't forget that feeling, every time it dragged me back to the base passions I felt for him and that made me feel guilty.
"I'll call him, I'll apologize" I said after drinking my eleventh beer.
"Don't do that, better go see him, so he'll know you take his feelings seriously" Finn replied after letting out a gas through his mouth.
He was right, the great and wise Finn was right. The only way to regain Aaron's attention is for the two of us to face each other.
After drinking beer number twenty and taking some courage, I walked to the slider and took advantage of the solitude of the night, I would take a quick route to get to Aaron's house.
But once I got to the slider I began to vomit up the demons I had consumed that night. My shirt was filled with vomit and the mere smell made me continue to expel my inner demons.
I was stupid and worse than stupid, someone who wasn't worth it, that's why Aaron hated me, that's why everyone hated me and my classmates were afraid of me, I was unable to control myself and act seriously when the time was right.
I let myself lie down on the couch in my slider when I finished throwing up, knowing I wouldn't be able to go see Aaron that day.
I opened my screen and looked at Aaron's contact. For some reason he had deleted his profile picture, but that didn't stop me from picturing his face just by seeing his name and contact number.
I started to cry, thinking that he would never speak to me again, I had to explain to him that I had done everything for him, that I was showing him that I was serious about my intentions and that I had held back my lust thanks to his advice.
But I didn't even have the courage to put my hand near the screen and dial his number.
That night I fell asleep on the seat, feeling the heaviness of the alcohol on my head and my freshly vomited shirt.
...
I was awakened by the dew of dawn and the low temperatures of the heights that began to accumulate on my body.
I hopped in my slider and drove all the way to my apartment.
I knew I had to stop drinking, stop being a jerk and start being someone worthy of Aaron.
I dropped my dirty clothes before stepping naked into the shower and feeling the water wash away all my impurities from the day before. Still, his soft touch made me grope my bare skin thinking it was Aaron touching me.
Why couldn't I control myself? I was getting sick of myself. That's why Aaron hated me, for being someone who wouldn't stop at the first opportunity.
I cursed as I got dressed for school, I would apologize to Aaron, I would do anything he said to me to get his forgiveness, maybe I would give him my slider if that was necessary, after all he had fixed it.
But once I got to the academy and watched him sitting next to Wallace my cheeks reddened as he avoided my gaze. I just walked to the corner of the room where I knew no one would bother me and I could keep my insecurities to myself.
The rest of the class passed normally, Professor Dolph began to explain about a substance that I could not identify and could not care, on my screen I could only see letters, but my concentration was focused on Aaron, who although he was only sitting a few meters away from me, it seemed that he was a sea away.
My mind slowly wandered until my screen was illuminated by a message from Orland.
My smile broke out, I would finally get the money and be able to pay Aaron the money I owed him.
"Come see me tonight, we will resolve the matter that torments you" Orland's message read.
A smile lit up on my face as I finished my burger in the cafeteria.
When I least expected it, classes were over, the afternoon had passed and I was heading to the nightclub, still smiling at anyone who crossed my path.
"I'm already here " I texted Orland.
Before he answered me, I opened the door to the dressing room where I saw several thin guys, covered only with a garment that covered their private parts.
I looked at Orland and he looked at me with a smile on his face. I don't know why I had to put up with his smile, I was just going for the money, later I planned to go see Aaron and maybe ask him out on a date.
"I see you've made yourself presentable " said Orland making fun of my appearance.
"I have to look presentable " I replied, "I came for the money."
"About that matter Carter, let me introduce you to my little friends, they are willing to make you forget that boy. You can pick anyone, you can even have them all" Said Orland mocking me again.
I didn't have to put up with him and I didn't have to play along with his games.
I walked over to where Orland was, grabbed him by his collar and then threw him to the ground.
The guys they had hired for me ran away once they noticed that I was not willing to spend a night with them.
"Listen asshole, you said you'd figure it out and I thought you'd have the money, I really don't want any of your games" I said as I lunged at him, being about to break his nose.
"Come on Carter, you really don't want to hurt me " said Orland when I had my fist an inch from his nose.
"I don't want to hurt you, but you keep treating me like a jerk, I told you I took up the money, I told you I loved someone and you keep treating me like someone who sleeps around."
"You know Carter I would give you the money, but now I can't, I have lost a lot in gambling and I still have to keep paying for your apartment and your meals, I thought a good time would make you forget, but finally I see that your feelings are true" said Orland, but I didn't feel sorry for him anymore, I didn't want to believe his lies anymore.
I put my fist down and pounded the ground. Then I stood up, if I couldn't have a conversation with Orland, I might as well look elsewhere for money.
"He quit" I finally said.
"Come on Carter, you can't give up for a love, everything you've invested in your career will be lost."
"It will be worth it, going to someone who can give me the money" I said, thinking about finding another representative.
"Come on Carter, you don't have to be like that, at least he really loves you."
His words left me freezing, Aaron didn't love me, he hated me because I had ruined everything by sending him that video, but I didn't care. It was just a matter of giving Aaron the money so he could forgive me.
"Fuck you Orland" I said with some pride in my mouth, I wouldn't admit that Aaron didn't love me.
"There is a way you can get the money easily" Orland said, speaking to me in a language I could understand, "soon it will be the death circuit, the prize is ten million Jolts, if you survive you will get the money you occupy."
A smile came to my face. Every year a battle was held where the hundred best fighters in the city entered. The only rule was to be the last to survive.
He was willing to die so that Aaron would speak to me again. A life without him was not worth living.