I held my baby sister on My mother's bed.. It was the only bedroom in the whole house but something about that gave me a sense of warmth every night we were together…
As I held her small warm body and I could feel her small breath she had fallen asleep after a big cry Mom had just fed her. It was just daybreak coming through a sliver of the curtains.. It hit Ziyu's face she cried out a bit… "It's alright I've got you" I said putting my back to the window in the dimly lit bedroom… I was now facing the door. I heard my Father. Gently he peered in his almond gentle brown eyes filled with warmth…
"How's mom doing?" I whispered
"Oh you know her, she'll be alright…"
I came to realization.. As I felt myself grow with a little disappointment..
"So, have you decided when you're going back to work?"
"I've decided to take the month off don't tell your mom though, I'll be working close by on a summer job" My father whispered he had a soft playful demeanor on his face as he sat with me… "That's great, I love you Dad.." I whispered back
A few more minutes had passed and it was 8am…
"Hey, It's time" My dad Whispered..
"Do you want to carry Ziyu or Me, or your Mom?" He said getting up from the Bed slowly…
"Here, take Ziyu" I said scooching closer to him..
"Alright" He said taking Ziyu into his arms…
We made our way out into the small living room…
Mom was sitting on the beaten down sofa… she had a sunken face and red eyes..
I held My mom's hands she looked at as she tried hard to fight back the tears… As she held onto my hand tightly… Dad scooched in next to her putting his arm over her…
"She's going to be safe and healthy.."
He spoke calmly….Mom then turned to Dad and started sobbing like a baby..
"But why?! Whyy, why would-"
Despite all of the commotion Ziyu was quiet I felt a deep hole in me and My heart wasn't full ; it wasn't empty either… I just wished things could be different that Ziyu could be healthy that Mom didn't feel this way…
I heard a small knocking at the door. In all this… 'I knew who it was I wouldn't fight it, they gave me hope'
I opened the door slowly at a crack…
Their a tall man stood along with his wife.. His eyes were that of the color of amber warm like a fire and not like my amber eyes which could easily be taken as Carmel… Mstr Zhongli held A kind smile and His wife stood behind him she was much shorter then he was she held a sweet and excited smile on her face which was unusual for her but I knew they were genuine… "May- May we come in?" They both almost said in sync…
Misses Shi was nervous.. I nodded gladly… as I opened the door…
I turned to see my mother had composed herself a bit…
Zhongli, Shi and I walked over to Ziyu…
As we all looked down at her… I could see Mstr Zhongli and Misses Shi about to cry out of joy… Zhongli slowly scooped up Ziyu as My Dad also stood up… Ziyu woke up at first her eyes looked for Dad and then for Zhongli she let out a happy trill.. Shi started stroking the back of her head… Ziyu looked around for a few minutes as if something was missing again…
I knew what it was "Ziyu…" I said
Zhongli then knelt down so I could see her… "Hey, Ziyu.. Did you sleep well?", I said tenderly.. Ziyu then reached her small hand out to me as I put my thumb where she could reach being sure to gently put my hand around her wrist; So she could feel me holding her hand…
After all Zhongli and Shi had been visiting for 3 months now so They had become quite familiar…
It also seemed to be a good day for Ziyu she hadn't had any breathing complications this morning…
After we had all had said our goodbyes To Ziyu there was a long silence… We sat on the sofa for a long time just eerily quiet it was like a great rain came down, now nothing… in the quiet.. My father had a smile that masked to hide the pain but still the smile parts of it were true… He had been truly hoping to Give Ziyu something better.
We all had whether we wanted to remember or not for a long time it felt like our hearts we're apart of wall of house it was like something that of a hole in it letting pain and sorrow and bitterness in…
green bitter
Brown adoration hope….
Amber….
What was amber in the midst of the storm…?
3 Year's later...
I sat at my school desk it was just about Lunchtime…
I could feel myself jittering in my worn jacket it was winter And I had no coat to speak of…
I sniffled a bit…As I took my lunch box it was the same half of a bento box with white rice a handful of vegetables and Dad's best fileting work by hand… 2 filets… The fish Dad caught was simply something to die for…
The rest of my class moved around It felt like I was just in a sea of a school of fish of fish though I was one left unacknowledged the one unprepared at a loss…
I figured I'd finish eating quickly though my stomach still growled…
It was then one of the other kids walk up to me with the tray full of the school's homemade food…
I can remember how he was so obnoxious and he said "Are you hungry!" He jeered at me his tray of food 'yeah it actually smelled that it was great but clearly enough he threw it all over me'
All I could do was just stare at him…
just stare…
no one came over to ask if I was alright so I just looked at him and surely enough he had the most scared face I had ever seen..
so he backed away and ran out of the classroom with a look of fear on his face… I still remembered to this day with the face and I gave him I don't remember being especially intimidating.
I just remembered I was sick of it maybe it's because I hadn't reacted and had gone gone about the school hallways and moped around the school…
after that day
" I said mom why do I have to go to school?" she said something like
" you've been given this opportunity to learn there, so it's got to be good… for you, right?"
she looked over at my dad and he scooped me up on his shoulders took me on the porch and we talked after that I just sobbed and for the next three weeks I wasn't in school I didn't care why…. my parents didn't tell me.
I wouldn't ask why It was so unfair. I wasn't going to.. It was something mother did. So I believed there was still something more for me to believe more….
The place that someone out there wants for us was better I prayed to God please make it better someday…. We don't need a lot just enough.
and I'm here today 18 going to class at high school and having to retake a school year I still don't see myself as quite the outgoing type.
But when I met Bo and Ziyu and said that my favourite color was green. I don't know why I had said that green was my favorite color…
it's true it was just to cope it wasn't necessarily that I was angry; but I remember my mother's eyes I remembered when her heart was warm and gracious and good and patient.
But when I saw that It wouldn't go away that pain didn't go away she wouldn't let herself escape it. maybe I could Maybe I could fight it… so maybe somewere something a God someone I don't believe that you want this for me I have to believe in someone that's better more than anyone else…
Maybe that's what Bolee and Ziyu are apart of to help give me a bright future and just a part of that well that's mine to believe because if you don't believe when it gets hard you just fall into a pit of despair…
---------------------------------------------------
It was another day of school…
I still hadn't seen Bolee or Ziyu yet… I was still in class.. So Surely their would be other opportunities to see them after class after all they we're in the class underneath my year… at least by curriculum's standards…
After class was out I thought it perfect to go Find them… I didn't want to admit but It felt good having friends for the first time…
After checking in their school room with neither of them to be found there maybe… they're enjoying the sun out today… I went in the school yard and surely enough there they were…. I could hear Ziyu giggling and Bolee holding back laughter…
I could see behind the two of them at this point….
Ziyu sat at one end of the bench and Bolee sat a lap space away…
I just had to…
I came up behind the two of them
"Boo!"
"Ahh!" Ziyu said playfully
In that same moment before anyone realized it
'Bolee had launched himself over top of Ziyu as If He had to protect her!...'
I stared At Bolle menacingly…
Bolee's eyes widened in fear and almost terror he was shell shocked..
We then both heard Ziyu
"Uhh uh Bolee, I can't breathe…I uh appreciate it though…"
Almost as soon as she had said that Bolee quickly let go of her and put himself on the far side of the bench..
I just sighed…
Bolee had just made himself the biggest joke… or embarrassment I should say…
I tapped Ziyu's shoulder
"You alright?, you're kinda quiet?"
"Oh yeah.. I'm fine…"
She sounded strangely nonchalant
I then took a closer look at Ziyu "By any means are you satisfied with what took place?"
Ziyu turned to look at me as red crossed her cheeks with wide eyes..
She looked like she couldn't speak…
"Sooo" I continued…
"It's nothing, It's simply nothing! Can you just come sit down with us! And stop being a creep…"
I looked over at Bolee with a Canary eating Grin… after that I took my seat…
After I sat down Ziyu seemed clearly frustrated and Bolee downcast…
I looked over at Bolee… and nudged his arm
"I was just tease in ya alright, I love ya dude…"
Bolee then looked over at me… He reminded of a golden retriever
"No harm no fowl"
Bolee then looked away sheepishly
I'm sorry to the two of you I probably got a bit physical.. And I'm huge so you know…"
I continued "It's alright, It's kinda cute that your looking out for Ziyu like that…"
I looked over at Ziyu she seemed to be looking over at Bolee intently so much so that she hadn't stopped to look at me for a moment…
"uhh earth to Ziyu…"
I said.. "Uh yeah! I'm totally here!"
She said snapping out of her focused thought…
Bolee then stood up Suddenly
"Hey, who wants a group a hug?"
He said excitedly… I glared for a moment 'I knew it he just wanted a hug from Ziyu…so'
I got up quickly and Squeezed him a tightly as I could… I could hear his back crack…
For a bit all Bolee could do was stand there… "I love to too Everret" Bolee said the pain clearly emnanting from his voice…
"Anytime brother!"
Ziyu stared at us a bit in shock then she started chuckling uncontrollably, belly laughing and all she stuffed the two of us together and gave us a great big hug…