"No matter what the people in the village say about your mother, I hope you only believe in your own eyes."
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Fang Ji's heart skipped a beat. Instinctively, he tried to resist, but his foot stumbled on something, causing him to lose his balance. Lin Lang used his hand to protect Fang Ji's head and pressed him down to the ground, burying his head to deepen the kiss.
More than a kiss, it felt like a fierce gnawing and licking, as if he wanted to devour Fang Ji whole. Fang Ji's chest grew tight as the air in his lungs diminished. He couldn't lower his head any further and had to reach out to push Lin Lang away. Sensing Fang Ji's resistance, Lin Lang's heart trembled. He grabbed Fang Ji's wrist and lifted his head, gazing intensely into Fang Ji's eyes as if searching for something.
Fang Ji finally managed to breathe, feeling that his face was covered in Lin Lang's saliva. His face flushed with embarrassment. He scolded, "Are you a dog... Mmm!"
Before he could finish his sentence, Lin Lang once again sealed his lips with a forceful kiss, this time with more fervor and aggression. It was as if he wanted to consume Fang Ji entirely. Fang Ji's lungs were craving air, and his head couldn't lower any further. He instinctively reached out to push Lin Lang away. Lin Lang felt the push and his heart shook. He released Fang Ji's lips, lowering his head to see that Fang Ji's lower lip was bleeding from his bites. Alarm coursed through him, and he quickly reached out to wipe the blood away, stammering, "I'm... I'm sorry, I..."
Fang Ji seized the opportunity to push Lin Lang off and sat up, taking deep breaths. He gazed at Lin Lang's face and then burst into laughter. He raised his hand to wipe away the bloodstains on Lin Lang's lips and said, "You're bleeding too. You brought this upon yourself by bumping into me. It hurt my teeth, so don't blame me."
Lin Lang stared blankly for a moment, realizing that his lips were indeed hurting. He looked at Fang Ji's face and saw that Fang Ji wasn't angry. He couldn't help but smile as well.
Fang Ji looked at him and asked, "Are you still angry?"
"I wasn't angry with you."
Fang Ji was taken aback. "You weren't angry? Really?"
The smile on Lin Lang's face gradually faded, and after a moment of silence, he said in a subdued tone, "I was already used to it, Fang Ji. Only my father, only he could remind me that I was still a person. I thought it would be enough to take care of him for the rest of my life, to provide for him until the end. But... you and they are different," he paused, his eyes filled with a touch of melancholy, "It was my own desire to make you stay. I'm sorry, I had no right to be angry at you earlier. My father often said I was a worthless person, and maybe he was right."
With that, he lowered his gaze, unable to meet Fang Ji's eyes.
There was a brief silence all around them. Lin Lang stared at his knees, feeling the weight of the silence pressing against his heart, making it difficult to breathe.
Suddenly, a figure flickered on the ground. Lin Lang's body tilted, and Fang Ji leaned over, using his finger to point in the distance. "Lin Lang, look over there!"
Lin Lang blinked, following Fang Ji's pointed direction. He saw the undulating mountains, painted with shades of ink by the night. They rose abruptly into the sky, the moonlight casting a silver-white glow. A few faint stars scattered in the sky enclosed by the mountains, and Fang Ji tilted his head to look at the distant horizon. He suddenly said, "Lin Lang, have you been to the other side of the mountains?"
"...No."
"Then, would you be willing to go and take a look?"
"...There's no need."
"I know. It's your father who doesn't allow you to leave. You have to take care of him until the end. If it weren't for him, the people of Shangyang Village wouldn't accept you. You'd lose your meaning of existence, right?"
Lin Lang pursed his lips, not responding.
"Is this their expectation, or did you create this escape route for yourself?"
As Fang Ji finished speaking, Lin Lang's face turned pale. Fang Ji looked at him and continued, "Few years ago, when Fang Qing was still in college, someone offered her a job. It was hard for her to find work, and she had a strong personality, so she went to the south secretly by herself. Then, there was no news about her... until the end of last year, I received a phone call. The person on the other end of the line fainted after saying Fang Qing's name. The hospital staff took over the call and gave me the address of their location. By the time I arrived, they had already given him a critical condition notice. He was lying in the ICU with tubes all over his body. The doctor said he had over ten broken bones and was barely clinging to life. When he passed out, he was still clutching a crumpled note, soaked in his blood and sweat. My phone number was written on it, but I could still recognize Fang Qing's handwriting." Fang Ji paused for a moment and then said slowly, word by word, "Lin Lang, she doesn't belong here either."
Lin Lang's expression changed, and he stared at Fang Ji's face in astonishment. "What... do you mean?"
"Lin Lang, even if it's just once, have you ever had such a suspicion in your heart?" Fang Ji leaned in closer, locking eyes with Lin Lang. "When you look at Fang Qing, you know what kind of life your mother had before. No matter what the people in the village say about your mother, I hope you only believe in your own eyes."
Lin Lang's heart suddenly skipped a beat. A gust of wind brushed past his eyes, carrying the fragrance of grass and trees. In that moment, old memories resurfaced before his eyes.
It was the same desolate courtyard. He sat on a small stool in the shade of a tree, his face reflecting the shifting shadows of the leaves. One hand held a twig, digging into an anthill in the ground.
"Hey, kid!"
The courtyard gate was open, and a few half-sized children stood in the dirty courtyard, craning their necks to look inside. The chubby one at the front held a candy in his hand and waved it at Lin Lang.
Following the sound, Lin Lang looked up. The candy wrapper's colors flashed before his eyes—bright and colorful, like the rainbow after rain. The colors were so dazzling that he couldn't tear his gaze away. His eyes were fixed on the candy, his finger reached for his mouth to suck on it, but he didn't ask for it.
Seeing that he took the bait, the chubby boy winked and playfully hid the candy behind him. He said, "Kid, your mother is crazy! Do you know that? If you know, this candy will be yours!"
As he said this, the other children burst into laughter. Lin Lang pressed his lips together, not understanding the meaning of their words, but he could vaguely sense from their expressions that it wasn't something good. With a pout, he retorted, "Bah! It's your mother who's crazy!"
"This little brat doesn't know anything. Growing up with a lunatic, he probably thinks everyone else is crazy!" One of the boys behind the chubby one pointed at Lin Lang's house and said, "Hey, kid, look at your mother's ghostly appearance. Won't your father be scared to death when he does his business at night? Hahaha!"
(Tn: I really want to know how they know about any kind of 'nightly business')
Lin Lang followed his finger and saw his mother huddled in the shadowy corner of the bed. Her hair was disheveled like withered grass, her complexion gray-white. Deep-set eye sockets were dark and sunken, resembling bottomless abysses. Two thin arms extended from the worn-out blanket, like dry firewood, intermingled with the torn cotton falling out of a hole. All of them were the same waxen yellow color.
He was taken aback, feeling inexplicably shaken. Laughter erupted from the children, and he was both embarrassed and angry. His face turned bright red, his lips trembled, but he couldn't come up with a retort. He finally shouted, clenched his fist, and pounced at the chubby boy.
The chubby boy widened his eyes, surprised. He let out a whistle, planted his feet firmly, and used one arm to effortlessly clamp down on Lin Lang's wrist. He pinched Lin Lang's cheek with the other hand, giving it a firm twist.
Lin Lang winced in pain, his lips curling into a cry, "Wah!"
The children burst into laughter at his reaction. Just then, a man's voice sounded from nearby, "What are you brats up to? Looking for trouble, huh?"
Laughter ceased immediately, and the children turned to see a man with a stern expression striding towards them. They screamed in fear and scattered like frightened birds and beasts. The chubby boy was also startled. He released Lin Lang but unexpectedly his wrist was bitten, clamping on his arm, refusing to let go. In his haste, he forcefully pushed Lin Lang away, and a piece of bloody skin torn off. Clutching his bloody hand, the chubby boy cursed lowly and ran away without looking back.
Lin Lang staggered, nearly falling back. He instinctively closed his eyes, expecting pain, but it didn't come. A large and powerful hand caught him, supporting his back. Suddenly, he felt weightless, and he opened his eyes wide, only to see his father's imposing figure holding him. It was as if his father's back was holding up the sky itself. Lin Lang's eyes brightened, and he wrapped his arms around his father's neck, shouting in a childish voice, "Dad!"
Lin Qiang smiled, holding him steady with one hand. He swung the courtyard gate shut as he walked into the house with long strides.
The mother, like a statue, heard the commotion. Her eyes slightly turned, and her gaze fell on Lin Qiang. Her eyes widened suddenly, her lips trembled, and she first took two heavy breaths, then let out a hoarse scream. She raised her chicken-claw-like hand, starting to pull her own hair forcefully.
Lin Lang shuddered and quickly averted his gaze. He wrapped his arms tightly around Lin Qiang's neck and buried his head in Lin Qiang's shoulder.
Lin Qiang crouched down, trying to put him down. However, Lin Lang clung tightly to his neck and refused to let go. Lin Qiang caught hold of his chubby little hands and gently pulled him away, saying in a gentle tone, "A-Lang, go play in the yard for a while and lock the door. Your mother has another episode of madness, and I need to talk to her."
Lin Lang looked at Lin Qiang, and although his face showed reluctance, he nodded obediently and followed the instructions. He carefully closed the door, sat on a small stool in the shade of a tree, and continued his ant-hunting mission.
Suddenly, the house resounded with his mother's even more piercing cries. There was a sharp cracking sound, like something breaking, followed by his father's furious shouts. Lin Lang hastily dropped the twig he was holding, covered his ears with both hands, and waited for the cacophony to subside.
After about an hour, the noise finally ceased. Lin Qiang opened the door and walked out of the house, his face slightly flushed, and his expression filled with anger.
The door was left half-open, and Lin Lang peeked inside through the crack. He saw his mother lying motionless on the bed, one hand resting on the edge of the kang. Blood was dripping from her fingers, staining the floor red.
Lin Lang's pupils constricted, and he let out a startled cry. Lin Qiang noticed and beckoned to him nonchalantly from the stool, where he was now sitting with a lit cigarette.
Lin Lang's face turned pale, and he hesitantly moved toward Lin Qiang but stopped a few steps away.
"Come here, A-Lang!" Lin Qiang waved to him, smiling. Lin Lang took tiny, cautious steps and stood before his father, keeping his head lowered as if he had done something wrong.
"Why are you so afraid of me?" Lin Qiang raised his hand and pulled Lin Lang into his embrace. He tilted his head and brought his face close to Lin Lang's, pretending to be angry. "Tell me, what bad thing have you done behind my back? If you tell me, I might go easy on you!"
Lin Lang's face turned even paler, and he shook his head vigorously, trembling as he replied, "N-nothing!"
"I knew it!" Lin Qiang finally relaxed, "My silly son!" He playfully pinched Lin Lang's chin, trying to force him to look up. "A-Lang, does your mother mistreat you? Does she scold you or hit you?"
Lin Lang gazed into Lin Qiang's eyes, then hesitated before answering softly, "Sometimes... she gets angry and... scolds me... hits me..."
"Then, do you like her?"
Lin Lang shook his head, and Lin Qiang chuckled. He held Lin Lang even tighter and said, "It's okay, my son. Dad is on your side. I know that crazy woman treats you badly, but I've been busy working in the city, and I can't be with you. I only come back once in a while. A-Lang, do you hate Dad?"
Lin Lang trembled with fear, quickly shook his head, and his father laughed heartily, rubbing his head affectionately. Lin Qiang reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of colorful candies. He stuffed them into Lin Lang's arms and said, "My good boy, these are all yours. If you can't finish them, hide them in your pocket and don't let that crazy woman see them. She'll snatch them away!"
The sweet taste melted in Lin Lang's mouth, and he stared at the rainbow of colors in disbelief. He couldn't speak for a moment. Lin Qiang unwrapped one candy and put it in Lin Lang's mouth, speaking softly, "It's all yours. Eat slowly, A-Lang."
Lin Lang's eyes widened as he tasted the sweetness, and his tense body finally relaxed. He snuggled closer to Lin Qiang, who was holding him, and pushed a trembling hand toward his father's chest. In a shy and timid voice, he said, "Dad, one is enough for me. You can have the rest."
Lin Qiang burst into laughter. "A-Lang, your old man is all grown up. I don't eat these anymore!" He ruffled Lin Lang's hair and asked, "Do you like Dad?"
Lin Lang puffed up his cheeks and nodded vigorously.
"Good boy, if your mother ever bullies you again, you tell me. I have ways to deal with her, alright?"
Lin Lang hesitated for a moment, then nodded again but didn't say anything.
During the days when Lin Qiang was around, his mother's madness seemed to worsen. However, a sudden phone call prompted Lin Qiang to pack up and leave in a hurry, leaving Lin Lang standing at the door, staring at his father's gradually receding figure. His eyes welled up with tears, regretting that he hadn't bid his father a proper farewell.
He had no idea when his father would be able to come back next.
Now, only his mother and Lin Lang remained in the house. A moment of silence passed, and Lin Lang sat awkwardly in a chair in the main room. He felt a strange unease, kept his head lowered, and avoided looking directly into his mother's eyes.
However, his mother seemed to have improved. She had tidied up her hair, loosely tying it back with a ribbon. She held a thin willow twig in her hand and taught Lin Lang how to write his own name in the early spring breeze.
"Lin Lang, 'Lin'(林) means a forest, two 'wood'(木) characters combined together form 'Lin.' 'Lang'(琅) means pure and white like jade..."
She held Lin Lang's hand and traced the strokes on the ground. Lin Lang watched closely and soon managed to write his name, albeit a bit crookedly.
His mother looked at it and smiled, saying softly, "A-Lang, you write very well!"
It was the first time Lin Lang had seen his mother smile, and in that instant, he felt, for the first time, that his mother was truly beautiful.
His conversations with his mother were rare and usually consisted of her asking questions and him replying. But this time, her praise made him feel light and happy. With his head lowered and a hint of shyness, he asked, "Mother... how do you write the character 'autumn'?"
His mother was momentarily taken aback, her face darkening abruptly.
If Lin Lang had looked up and seen her expression, he would have closed his mouth, but he didn't. He continued, "The character for 'autumn' in the word 'autumn season'(秋)! I want to learn your name too!"
As his words trailed off, he suddenly felt a heavy force on his back. His mother had pushed him down, and Lin Lang, caught off guard, tumbled to the ground in a disheveled manner.
His vision swirled, and a searing pain shot through his body. Despite the pain, he could hardly think about it. Almost instinctively, he began to speak, "Mother, I'm sorry, I... I was wrong..."
His mother had risen from the stool. She stared down at him with disgust, as if looking at a disgusting insect. Her eyes were red, and her whole body trembled, as if she was suppressing her emotions. After a moment, she finally let out a furious roar, "Get out! Get out of here!"
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Tn: I feel really sad for Lin Lang and his mother. Before illness she must've been a sweet lady.