"I'm so sorry!" she mumbled, already racing down the street without so much as a backward glance. She didn't care that she'd just knocked into someone, all she wanted was to get to her car and be alone. She could feel the tears welling up behind her eyes, and the last thing she wanted was to break down in front of a stranger.
Slamming the car door behind her, she leaned her head against the steering wheel. The tears streamed down her face, and she let out a sob. She felt utterly alone.
As she stared at her phone, she couldn't believe that she had wasted three years of her life on a man like Allen. The love-colored glasses she had been wearing had finally shattered, leaving her with a painful clarity. How could she have missed all the signs that had been right in front of her? Her heart felt like it was sinking, and her head was reeling.
With shaking hands, she typed out a text to her best friend, Kate.
"I just saw Allen now." She hit send.
"I am not someone that you should mess with." Allen's words echoed in her head.
Did he love her this much to trail her from her apartment and even wait for her till she stepped out?
Or was it because he was high on whatever drugs he was taking this time?
Different questions kept popping up in her head.
It was when her phone vibrated in her hand did, she return to the now. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even realize that Kate had already replied with a long line of texts.
"What did Allen do to you?
Are you okay?
What happened?
C'mon Anna, speak to me, what happened?"
"He didn't do anything to me. We just talked."
"You just talked, huh? You don't sound like someone who just talked." Kate said, already sweltering with anger.
Anna sighed. She had just started to regain her composure and she didn't want to talk about it and dig up the sad emotions.
"Okay, where are you now? Are you coming home? Can you even drive? Should I come pick you up?" Kate kept throwing questions. She knew the effect Allen had on her friend. And she knew how emotionally attached she had gotten, how much of her heart, soul, and mind she invested so the relationship would work. While Allen on the other hand, she hates him. At first, he seemed nice. Calm and level-headed. Who would have thought that he would turn out to be a ravenous wolf in sheep's clothing?
Kate was really worried about Anna. She knew all that she was going through and how hard she was trying to seem strong. She was alone. And that is why she wanted the relationship to work so badly because she was scared of being alone. First, it was her dad who died of cancer, leaving her and her mother. Then her mother left.
So, knowing all these, she could not help but worry. If she could, she would hunt Allen down and make sure he rots in jail, but right now, that wasn't what Anna, her best and only friend in the world needed.
"Easy with the questions. Don't worry, I can drive myself home."
"Okay, you will be fine. I will be waiting for you." Kate muttered before the line went dead.
Anna smiled and brought the phone down to her thigh.
She felt okay. Talking to Kate was what she needed to make her unstable self, stable again.
At least she had someone to rely on.
Her mother suddenly came to mind.
She hadn't heard from her in months. Or was it over a year? She had lost count.
How can a mother be at peace without even hearing from her daughter for what months? She thought.
She opened her contact and scrolled until her mother's number came into view.
Call her, her subconsciousness urged.
"Why should I bother calling someone who might not even be thinking about me?" she murmured.
"I'm such an idiot to even consider calling her," she mumbled to herself, as she hurled her phone into her bag. She sank into the driver's seat and turned the key in the ignition. But just as she was about to put the car into gear, she hesitated. Maybe she shouldn't just run away from this. She fumbled for her phone and dialed her mother's number.
The phone rang, and she almost hung up as the second ring passed. But on the third ring, her mother answered.
"Hello?"
She froze. Her heart felt heavy with sadness.
'Hello?" her mum said again. In a calm voice that Anna could barely recognize. This voice was in contrast to what she always recalled her mother sounded. Loud and always angry, that is what she remembered.
"Mum." She finally found her voice.
"Annie? Oh, my goodness Anna!" her mum screamed slightly.
Was she shocked to hear her voice; Anna couldn't say.
"My baby girl, I…"
Anna hurriedly disconnected the call. She didn't want to hear whatever excuse she had to give. Whatever it is she could not bear to hear it now. Not now when her heart was already dealing with so much sadness.
She ignited the car and listened as it coughed to life. She floored the pedal and drove off. Her eyes fixed ahead.
She struggled to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.
"Annie." Her mother's calm voice echoed in her head.
"My baby girl, I…" her mother's voice kept replaying. What would she have said if she hadn't ended the call?
What would she do to make up for all the time lost?
If she hadn't called her now, would their lack of contact have continued till infinity?
She was lost in her world of thought as she drove back home. It's a two-hour drive. Two hours of thinking and driving.
It was during times like these she missed her father the most.
The whole two-hour drive home, she was lost in thought. What a mess she'd made of things. As much as she hated to admit it, she wished her mother had been the one to get sick instead of her father. He had at least been kind to her, even as he wasted away from cancer. But her mother had always been cruel.
Now she was slowly destroying her own life with drugs. As much as it hurt, it was probably for the best that she'd cut contact with her.
With the kind of thoughts running through her mind right now, she knew it was going to be a long drive back home.