I used to live an average life with rarely anything eventful happening. Only three major events happened in my life before it all went to shit.

The first one was my parents' divorce when I was five years old, because of an unhappy arranged marriage life, Who could have guessed right?

Jelal Maze. An alcoholic father who often stays out of the house in god knows where. Zara Acen. an office worker mother who is too busy or too tired to even pay attention to you sometimes.

Don't get me wrong though, for little five-year-old me there wasn't anything wrong at the time. Only confusion, sadness, and the lingering memory of their loud arguments before the divorce.

I mean seriously they only knew each other for 2 days before they were married off to each other. I'm surprised that they were even able to have me born and raised to the age of five.

Even though I said that I still loved both of them, my mother took better care of me after that event, and my father and I still sometimes talked.

The second one was when I was fourteen in middle school and after my first confession, I was rejected without even a second thought in less than two to three seconds.

I mean DAMN, I know I'm not a ten out of ten but still. That was one of the first hits to my confidence and damn did it feel like shit.

After that event, I started becoming a little more unnoticeable like that one guy in the middle to back row of a school photo.

The third one was the one to hit me the hardest and it still lingers even to this point.

Starting from the time I was in high school,

I slowly felt like I was losing something, a piece of me, an integral part of me. It was like some invisible hand ripped a part of me off and stole it away.

I panicked, became angry, became desperate, wondered why this happened to me, and after the end of high school came I accepted it and tried to move on.

But it's never that easy, is it?

Something was changing inside me or was I changing? I started to lose some of the feelings I had for some things like relationships, connections, love, like, material wealth, sympathy, empathy, joy, and my sense of time.

I felt like I was becoming something unhuman. Unfeeling and cold, near but distant.

I tried everything to fix myself back to how I was. Therapy, Medication, Meditation, and any advice from anyone in a similar situation. But nothing seemed to work.

I was like a cracked bottle spilling water.

I gave up trying

With almost all my joy from life gone, I wondered if should go on, if I should continue to live like this.

I thought of suicide

I thought I had nothing left. No friends, no girlfriend or lover, no emotions, and no one who loved me for what I am right now.

I was wrong. I still had my mother who loved me no matter how I was and I still had my most precious and close friend from childhood Melody by my side.

I still remember how we spent every day with each other. Melody always wanted to play house. I was the father and she was the mother. She would pull a random baby doll from any corner and we would just play pretend.

God, I was so dense, but what can you expect from a seven-year-old right?

After my tenth birthday, we had to move because of Mom's job so after that day we started packing up and saying our goodbyes to the neighbors.

I still remember how Melody and I cried our lungs out. It was such a sad sight that our moms had to make a promise to call one another every month to make us stop crying and say goodbye.

Those were the good and innocent times.

After having to go through the thoughts of suicide and trying to put myself back together my mother retired from her job because she started to feel uncomfortable so we went back to our old house, back where we were Melody's neighbors.

When I first saw her again even though I was a mess she still took my breath away.

She was 1.67m tall and had an athletic body that was neither skinny nor fat. She had long and wavy auburn hair that reached to her back, below her shoulders. She had cute little freckles that made her look like a tiny little mischievous fox that was happy playing. Her eyes were emerald green with greys, blues, and oranges mixed within which made me lost within them. She had a tiny little boopable nose that was a little red from the winter cold.

Her eyebrows were rounded which made her look relaxed and happy-go-lucky.

I was dumbfounded, I stood there like a statue of course I didn't miss the smug look that came my way from Melody which made me come back to my senses.

And the next thing I know she jumps and hugs me like she's going to pull a WWE move.

I was shocked again but I did hug back and after a while, we left each other's embrace.

After that fiasco, we talked about everything and anything I guess, I had...fun. It was the most fun I had in a long time, I... I was happy.

But...it never does last long...does it?

Before I knew what was happening I was at the hospital with all my might, In bated breaths, I arrived at the entrance to the emergency room, I saw Melody and her mother there sitting on the seats waiting anxiously, and just as I arrived the door to the room was opened and out came the doctor.

He looked at me and just... shook his head.

Melody and her mother started crying as they came near and hugged me.

I just stood there looking at the operating room. The only thought in my head was:

"I couldn't make it in time, I left her all alone."

Those were the words that kept on repeating in my mind.

There was nothing else.