He crossed his arms. "Well, you can start by telling me why you insist on calling me little Slytherin Harry. I'm not that little you know."
"Ah," said Right twin, his smile rather fixed. "But you are a little Slytherin to us."
"And," continued Left twin, "you are, more importantly, and unquestionably, Harry ."
Silence.
Ohhhh Bugger.
He tilted his head. "Well, that is my name."
The twins continued to stare at him.
Left twin held up his hand, all fingers stretched out. "Let's see shall we?" He dropped one finger with his other hand. "Several years ago, our dear little sister was besotted with one John Potter." He dropped a second finger. "Then, suddenly out of the blue, she starts hating on him as though he's you-know-who reborn." He dropped a third finger. "Then, just a few months ago, our little saviour bursts in out of the blue and accuses said darling sister of being controlled by dark magic. It then turns out that she isn't being controlled, but she has being getting advanced occlumency training from some unknown person and that this unknown person is called Harry."
Right twin took over. "Then, just weeks later, we find out that the much vaunted John Potter, the boy who lived, the vanquisher of you-know-who, has a twin brother-"
"-Imagine how shocked we were-"
"-Indeed, oh brother of mine. Shocked. To find that this boy had been raised by muggles.-"
"-Oh how terrible, we thought-"
"-We shall show him the magic of the magical world, we thought-
"-And then, on the train, we were sitting in a compartment with our good, good friend Lee Jordan, when who should come by, but John Potter from one side-"
"-And Harry Potter from the other-"
"-And before we know what's happening, the two are at each other's throats."
"-Twin against twin, oh it pains me to see-"
"-Yes, oh twin of mine, such tragedy that two who were meant to be together should be pulled so far apart-"
"I don't hate John."
The twins stared at him.
"Yeah right, Harry -"
"-Pull the other one-"
"-It does have bells on."
Right twin hopped off his desk. "We can tell, Harry . We're brothers in a family of nine. You think we can't spot when someone is being friendly in a stick-a-dagger-in-your-back kind of way?"
Harry didn't say anything.
"So," continued Right twin, "your name is Harry. The person who taught Ginny occlumency is called Harry. You hate John Potter. Ginny started hating John Potter not long after our parents think this all started. Harry gave Ginny a top of the range broomstick. We saw you flying on the field the other day looking like you've lived on a broomstick all your life. You're supposedly raised by muggles and we find you in the first week of school, hidden in the restricted section of the library, reading books on charms that would give us headaches."
"And you have a freakin' invisibility cloak. And you somehow got through the library wards and it wasn't through our secret passage way. We know that."
Left twin swung his legs back and forth. "You, Harry, are Harry. You. Are. Harry."
Harry stared at them. Damn. This would require quite some tap dancing. He kept his face completely blank. "It sounds like this Harry guy is quite an interesting character."
Right twin blinked. "You're still -"
"-Let me finish," he snapped.
Right twin shut his mouth.
He took a moment to collect his thoughts. "Tell me more about this Harry. How do you feel about him?"
The twins shared a glance. "Well, we don't really know him, do we?"
"Mostly we want to make sure he's not a dark wizard preying on our baby sister."
Harry tapped his chin. "This Harry person sounds like he's spent a lot of time with Ginny. I imagine to teach someone something like occlumency would take that."
Right twin nodded, slowly. "Yeah, it took us ages, and we have the twin advantage."
Harry's heart fell. Oh shit. They knew occlumency. Even memory charms weren't totally safe then. And what was the twin advantage? He took a deep breath. "What do you know about what Ginny thinks of this Harry person?"
"We know she trusts him."
"We know she likes him."
"Well then, since you say that Ginny has strong occlumency, shouldn't her word count for a lot? I'm sure you know your sister very well. Is she the kind of person who would hang out with a dark wizard?"
Both twins shook their heads.
"Then shouldn't that be that?"
The twins stared at him for what seemed an age.
Eventually, Left twin spoke. "I guess so." He hopped off the desk to join his twin. "Then we shall be off, but if you ever hurt Ginny…"
"Wait just a moment!"
They stalled, mid turn.
" We still have business. Please sit."
They raised their eyebrows but did sit back down.
"Two points. Point one. You saw me in the restricted section and you saw that I have an invisibility cloak. How do I know that you will keep all my secrets?"
Right twin grinned. "We'd give you our word."
Harry shook his head. "We're going to have to do better than that. We're not leaving this room until I know both of us will keep the other's secrets."
The twins frowned. "Isn't the fact we hold something over the other good enough?"
Harry sighed. "No. Because what you hold over me is massive and what I hold over you is tiny. And there's still the second thing."
The twins looked at him expectantly.
"How did you find me? I need to know."
Left twin shook his head. "Sorry, little Slytherin Harry, that's our great secret."
Harry's eyes narrowed. "I will give you anything it is in my power to give you to find out how you did it. You know some of my capabilities now. I promise you it isn't a small offer."