Prologue
"I like Roxy, Clay."
The day my best friend confessed this to me was the day I realized I was in love with him. It was like the ground shifted from under me and I blinked and found myself on my knees. My sexuality has never been a question I pondered let alone romance. I haven't liked anyone since I could remember and now I am in love with someone?
Does that mean that I am gay? This was news to me. It turned my whole world upside down and scared the crap out of me. It was the only explanation for how I reacted after his confession.
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked. We were sitting on the rooftop of our school building like we always do. He was a year over me and I called him Nick out of habit even though he didn't care either way.
His response to my question was to bestow me a knowing smile. "You know why."
"I don't." my tone said to leave it there. I don't want to process the feelings that went through me like a storm, shattering my usual icy composition.
"Come on, Clay. Stop messing around."
"You are the one messing around. If you like her shouldn't you be telling that to her? What does it have to do with me?" I snapped at him and got to my feet, ready to leave before I got even more upset and said something I would regret.
"You like her too." He said following me. "I just wanted you to know how I felt and that I am not going to give up on her for you. That's all."
Nick was talking rather loudly, rather confidently for someone so wrong.
"The hell do you mean I like her? How would you know?"
"Don't even try to deny it, Clay. I know and I have tried not to like her too, for your sake but I can't help it."
I wanted to punch him for saying that, for thinking it. Right now I just realized that I loved you and you are thinking that I love someone else? My fist clenched and trembled. "I don't like her. I never even thought of her like that, she is just a friend to me. My best friend..."
I trailed off. My two best friends, one of them liked the other and I was in love with him.
"I don't want you to act like a martyr here Clay. If you like her just say so already. You always keep things bottled up until they chew you to bits. Do you think I don't know you? "He grabbed me by my shoulder and turned me around. "I know I made it sound like I was challenging you to something but I just... I can't stand it anymore you know."
"So what, are you saying now that we are rivals our friendship is over?"
"I didn't say that."
"That's what you meant." I took his arm off me and pushed him as hard as I could sending him crashing to the ground.
"Clayton!" the person we were talking about returned. We had all been here only a few minutes ago playing hooky when she went to get us something to eat. She stood at the door agape, her red hair flapping to the breeze. "What the hell is going on? Are you two fighting?"
Nick laughed from the ground. "Wow, it's so rare to see Clay angry, I just poked him a little bit and he went feral."
"What the hell," Roxy laughed and came to drop the things she was holding onto our sitting spot. She reached out her hand and helped Nick to his feet. "You two are like cat and dog sometimes, especially you Nick. Stop rileing Clay up."
"Yeah, you are right. I am sorry Clay." He was always quick to apologize. Actually, make sure that he was always quick to do whatever Roxy told him. How did I not notice how he acted around her until now?
"Whatever." I turned and walked away.
"Hey! Where are you going?"
"Leave him alone Roxy, he will come around."
I didn't come around after that. Not when I learned that he confessed to Roxy and she accepted his feelings. They were dating now and I didn't know what to do with the bitterness inside of me. It stung even more when Arthit made it seem like I was jealous because of Roxy. I told myself I wasn't jealous, and that I wasn't going to let my feelings for him ruin our friendship, but that was before he ruined it himself.
He told her about my 'feelings', pushing me to my limits. The day we graduated high school was the last I would see of Nick until ten years later.