Non-nocere

A Latin phrase that means 'first, do no harm'. I've always tried to live up to that code but even the most committed people can fail. You see as a kid I always hated violence just watching it made me want to puke but I got over that as I grew up. Violence was a part of everyday life and I had to accept that but that didn't mean I liked it. Generally, I was a lover, not a fighter so how I ended up where I am now was a mystery.

Crimson blood seeped through my fingers onto the floor staining the beautifully designed grey carpet. His body lay limp not an ounce of breath left his body. Blood, so much blood drained from his body. I don't think I ever saw so much of it in my entire life it was enough to make me gag and hurl on the carpet. Delilah was not going to be happy about that. She was a very picky cleaner who always wanted everything to be spotless and knowing her she would end up beating me with a broom for ruining the carpet rather than care about the dead body on the floor.

I could have saved him truly, I had plenty of time to call the ambulance and they could have saved him but instead, I just waited and watched as he gasped for air reaching out with his shaky hand for help. I saw it all the cry for desperate help but I couldn't do anything about it I was frozen in absolute terror but I didn't feel an ounce of regret as he choked on his own blood.

He deserved this and more

That thought was the only thing keeping me from joining him on that floor. I hated what I did with all my heart, how could I take a life so easily without an ounce of remorse? Is this how murderers felt conflicted and in absolute agony, I knew I had to leave and move away as far as possible before someone found out what I did and ended up going to jail for the rest of my life. I couldn't go to Jail, I had to take care of my mother she couldn't handle this knowing her, she would want nothing to do with me if I told her. So with my mind racing a mile a minute on a plan to escape town, I didn't even notice the sound of someone trying to open the door even though it was locked. I felt like a cold bucket of water was thrown at me. This was the end of my life and I deserved what was coming, it was only fair if I took it like a responsible person right?

Wrong

You're probably wondering how a caring and kind person such as myself (kind would be stretching it a bit thin but nevertheless)end up in a situation such as this one. To find that out I have to take you back to the dewy slopes of three months ago.

*Three months ago*

"What are you smiling about?" I asked my mom who seemed awfully cheery today.

"Mh nothing," she teased giggling at another message on her phone.

I just rolled my eyes playfully and let her be. She hadn't been this excited in ages so I let her have her fun. My mom was a kind soul in all honesty the world didn't deserve her, she was a bit naive at times but that only made me want to protect her even more. She was in her mid-forties with short black hair that shrunk at the touch of water, smooth chocolate skin and dazzling brown eyes that always attracted a lot of male attention. She was a gorgeous woman for sure and I'm glad I got her jeans.

Just like her my hair was short and took ages to grow, and I had smooth dark skin with honey-coloured eyes. Did I mention I was short like 5'5 short and my mom was an inch shorter than me?

We lived in a pretty tiny apartment in an almost crumbling building because it was all we could afford at the moment. Most of the wall paint was peeling off and the corners of the flat were always damp making it reek in the flat. I was currently studying for my bachelor's degree in science, I was hoping to become a veterinarian one day because I loved animals and wanted to better know them. To even be able to afford this course I had to take two gap years just to raise the money to apply for this course, it was a tiring two years of non-stop work, and even as I'm still studying I have to go to work to raise even more money for rent and mom's medication. She suffered from severe heartburn and often she can't stand not having her medicine.

"Hurry up my love or you're going to be late." She told me, packing me a small sandwich as I finished making sure I had all my books.

"Thanks, ma." I said giving her a small kiss on the cheek as I headed out the door, "See you later," I waved to her.

"See you later." I heard her shout as I closed the door behind me.

At my age, all my old friends were either in college, some even had jobs and others got into the family business so they were all set while I, on the other hand, had to fight for my future harder than all of them. Coming from a poor family didn't help much but I appreciated what I could get and worked hard to help my family. The college life was alright I guess, I don't have friends per se but I just keep to myself and talk to whoever is willing to listen.

"Miss Musa pay attention or get out. Don't waste my time." My English professor angrily said.

Yeah, he didn't like me very much, I get the feeling he doesn't like people of my colour very much, why you ask? Because he calls the apartheid the good old days who does that?

"Yes sir." I politely said.

I didn't like drawing attention to myself in school so I always tried to pay attention to the teachers. He grunted and continued to teach the lesson, once my classes were over I headed to a spaza shop to get a few things for the flat.

"Welcome home dear." My mother practically sang, twirling around like she just won the lottery.

"What's got you all high and mighty?" I asked her with a light chuckle, it made my day just seeing her so happy.

"You'll never guess what happened to me today." She excitedly said.

"Do tell." I anxiously waited for her to explain as I packed away the things I bought.

"My old boyfriend contacted me on Facebook," she squealed.

Oh, no wonder she was so happy. Jared was a nice guy or so she tells me, back in the day they were so madly in love they thought they were going to get married and raise children together, why that didn't happen she won't tell me to this day. She said she broke it off so I was kind of in the dark as to why she would be happy to hear from him if the break-up was so painful for her.

"Is that so?" I said all emotion draining from my voice, without even meeting the guy I knew this was a bad idea.

"I never in a million years would've thought he would ever contact me," she sighed in absolute joy, "He even wants to meet and catch up." She squealed in joy, and that's when I took a stand.

"Is that a good idea?" I asked her raising an eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't it be?" The light drained from her eyes as she maintained eye contact with me.

"If the fallout was as bad as you say what changed your mind then, why would you go backwards ma?" I asked her, we lived on the motor, 'Never look back go forwards'.

"It wasn't his fault," she pouted tears welling in her eyes.

Yes my mother pouted, she was practically Yasuko Takasu from Toradora but more responsible.

"Ok if you want to go meet him go ahead. You don't need my permission to do anything." I answered going to our room to change into something more comfortable.

"Yay, I'm going to take a shower then," she exclaimed in excitement.

"Mhm," I hummed.

I did some homework before taking a short nap, by the time I woke up it was evening and my mom was gone. Hopefully, Jared doesn't break her heart once more or he'll have hell to pay.

It was around eleven in the evening when she got back giggling like a schoolgirl and smelling of boos.

"Hey ma, how was your date?" I asked her once she stumbled into the bedroom.

"It wasn't a date silly." She hiccupped and dumped her bag on the floor to crawl into bed.

"Nevertheless, how was it?" I asked gagging at the rancid smell of alcohol.

"Amazing, he was even more handsomer if that's a word," she chuckled.

"No, it's not a word," I said flatly.

"Then hotter, ya, definitely hotter and so kind, we ate so much I felt like I would burst. We also took a nice walk in the park and it felt like the old days. You know he even kissed my cheek can you believe it," she sighed dreamily like a love-struck puppy.

"No, I can not," I tried to sound interested but I wasn't I just wanted to know what the guy's aim here was with my mom.

"We're going out again tomorrow," she said sounding so excited.

"OK good to know, I'll be a little late tomorrow anyway," I said I had a night shift at work so that worked out in my favour.

You're probably wondering what is this job that I'm doing. Well, to put it bluntly, I'm a waitress at a strip club, go ahead shun me all you want but it was tough getting a job in my area let alone out of my area. No matter where I apply things change once I'm there, it all sounds great on the phone till they meet me and change their minds. So when one of my mom's friends' daughter, who I go to church with, told me about this I couldn't decline it knowing how well it paid. To Paige, I will forever be grateful for. She was an outgoing girl always thinking about other people before herself was an admirable trait to have. She had a two-year-old boy she had to take care of so she needed all the money she could get and urgently to feed her child.

The club was always busy believe it or not, and the tips were great but I wasn't proud to be doing this not in the slightest. I just wanted to raise enough money to get out of that crappy place into a nice little one-bedroom for me and my mom, somewhere safer but that would be years to come. Paige was my only true friend, she was taller than me by three inches or so with a caramel complexion, hazel eyes, a lean body and black hair that reached mid-back.

"Ah, really how late?" She pouted.

"Late late," I said, probably around three in the morning I imagine.

"Why do you work so late?" She wined.

"I don't know just for fun 'cause I like working late," I said sarcastically.

"Really who likes working late, not me that's for sure" She mumbled like I was the insane one.

"No one ma, now go to sleep," I said feeling drained.

"Night love." She yawned snuggling in the blankets.

"Night ma," I said closing my eyes to sleep even though I knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

The morning came quicker than I'd hoped and soon enough it was class.

"Hey," I heard a deep voice greet me.

"Hi," I replied to turn around and be greeted by Damon.

He was one of the popular guys in our school, hot and sporty. He was built in a good way with seafoam eyes and short black hair, he was good-looking and all but why he was speaking to me was a mystery.

"You free tonight?" He asked me out of the blue.

"Unfortunately not, what did you have in mind?"I asked just out of curiosity.

"I'm hosting a party tonight just thought you might want to come." He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Oh thanks for the offer but I'm working tonight," I said.

"Ok that's chill, maybe next time," He said with a lazy smile, he gave me a salute and went into class, I chuckled and walked behind him.

Once classes were over I headed home to get ready for work and no surprise my mom wasn't home. I took a relaxing shower and dressed in some shorts with fishnets, a black shirt and some wedges with my hair half up and light makeup.

My work wasn't as bad as it sounded, I just served drinks and got some pretty good tips every once in a while. Dressing up with a little flare sometimes got me more tips believe it or not. Sometimes when I took my breaks I would dance a little in the changing rooms. Ever since I was I kid I loved dancing and gymnastics and watching the girls dance on the stages just brought back my love for dancing again, It's not like I want to dance half-naked in front of people or anything like that.

Dancing for me was a way that my body could speak, I sometimes watched some choreography on YouTube that I practised in the changing room now and then. It brought me peace of mind to just let go of everything and let my body take over, dancing on its own was therapy for me.