No one knew. That was the cruel truth. The unpredictability of it all had left many, like me, collapsed and broken overnight.
Because the change was so immense, it was not merely one or two individuals who were weeded out. Entire segments of society were left adrift, unable to find their footing in this new reality.
In the midst of the chaos, dark humor emerged, like the not-so-funny joke about the water temperature being raised by the body temperature of those who had jumped into the River in despair.
But I couldn't help but think about it. Even I, as resilient and stubborn as I had been, felt the urge to escape, to recycle my life and start afresh.
However, the chilling temperature of the Han River held me back. I was the type who had a hard time taking a bath without hot water even in the summer heat. The icy embrace of the river seemed a bridge too far.
"Haaa..." I let out a deep sigh and stood up, my mind wrestling with my reality.
Even searching for a part-time job to scrape by had proved fruitless. One hundred days had passed in this new world, and I hadn't found a single opportunity. The pressing need for money was a constant reminder that I had to find a way to survive, to buy food for the next day.
Yes, I had to do anything to get the money.
"Anything… yes, no matter what…" I mumbled to myself, as if making a solemn vow. I put on my worn-out clothes and stepped outside into the harsh world.
Life had dealt me a terrible hand, but I wasn't ready to fold just yet. There was still one option left, one job that remained available to the humans who had fallen into the abyss of the world.
I made my way to a government building, a monolith of bureaucracy that seemed to mock my desperation. I took a numbered ticket from the machine, its mechanical click a hollow echo of my dwindling hopes, and waited.
Several long, agonizing tens of minutes passed, each second a heavy reminder of my situation. Finally, when my number was called, I approached the window. A government official, looking every bit as weary and jaded as I felt, started talking to me.
"Next," she said, her voice devoid of emotion. "How can I help you?"
The words were simple, a routine question asked by the government official. Yet, they resonated with me, echoing in the hollow chamber of my uncertainty.
Is this really all there is to it? Such a casual query, could it encompass the gravity of my situation? The world had changed, and my once-stable life had been shattered. I found myself in a place I never imagined, driven by desperation.
Even after coming to this building, a symbol of order in a world gone mad, I hadn't stopped questioning my decision. The hesitation was momentary but profound. What else could I do? There was no alternative. I had to move forward. Shaking my head, I forced the doubts away and opened my mouth.
"...I heard you can get a job here. That, a job called a distributor."
"Ah..."
With that word, I saw a change in the official's eyes. She looked at me with a sudden understanding, her gaze softening into pity.
It was a feeling that struck at the very core of my pride. Humiliating. Enraging. But considering the dire straits I was in, it was also unavoidable. My predicament was laid bare, and the empathy, however unwanted, was genuine.
I was reminded that even in a world turned upside down, if there was a position untouched by the chaos, it was that of a civil servant. Like the lady right in front of me.
Though she mentioned that her work had become more burdensome, she remained secure, her position unthreatened. A stark contrast to my turmoil.
Jealousy welled up, a bitter taste in my mouth. But the lady, perhaps sensing my discomfort, quickly corrected her expression. She sifted through a stack of papers and addressed me with practiced efficiency.
"By regulation, you have to be inspected at a designated location to do that job." She said while looking at me.
"Really?" I blurted out, confusion written on my face.
"Yes, I don't know the details. They say there is such a rule," she explained, her voice an even mix of detachment and routine professionalism.
I pondered her words. It made sense. I wasn't the sole victim of this new reality. There must be an uncountable number of people in my shoes, desperate and seeking refuge. Could they all be accommodated without scrutiny? There had to be procedures, protocols, even amidst the madness.
Once upon a time, there was a story that made no sense. It was incomprehensible, full of contradictions and baffling twists. Yet, within the chaos of that story, I stumbled upon a detail that struck fear into my heart.
I had been working on a budget plan for a major project, and the figures just weren't adding up. The concern that the budget might explode into uncontrollable proportions was gnawing at me, even though I didn't understand why. I had no clear reason to believe that it could happen, but the idea was there, haunting me.
Thanks to that, anxiety became my constant companion. It was a new feeling for me, but one that consumed me entirely. My heart would race and my thoughts would spiral into endless loops of worry.
Only then did she come all the way to help me with it, with courage and understanding. Yet even in her presence, the possibility loomed that the situation might not improve.
"Shit," I muttered to myself.
"What to do?" The question loomed large, echoing through my mind as the anxiety twisted tighter. "What to do?"
I was desperately anxious, feeling trapped and helpless. I tried to distract myself by shaking my legs or biting my fingernails, but nothing seemed to help.
"Hey, don't worry too much," a colleague tried to comfort me. "Apparently, it seems that humans are preferred, and most of the humans who applied seem to have passed."
"Is that so..." My voice trailed off, the expression on my face darkening further. His advice wasn't very helpful.