"I do hate Madeleine, I treated her so badly, I even... I..."
Howard Coleman said, suddenly stopping mid-sentence.
What he actually wanted to say was that, even though he didn't like her, he still used her body to insult her, and then made her take emergency contraception afterward.
When he was doing these things back then, he didn't really have any other thoughts. He just blindly wanted Madeleine to completely give up hope on him, to despair, so that she would completely separate from him.
But now, he didn't know what was wrong with him; suddenly remembering those things he had done, he felt an urge to kill himself.
