"My first kiss started in 31st December, 2018 and ended in 1st January, 2019. It was a 'thank you' and 'goodbye' kiss. Johan and I just broke up, and it's sad. He said he couldn't be with me. At least, he was honest. We dated for just six months and it was meaningful. He was kind, caring, always honest…he was everything I've always wanted in a boy and I can't stop thinking about him. But I guess I have to let him go now. Maybe it was for the best_ A new year, a new life. Happy new year to me…"
The pen stopped scribbling on the note and a tear fell on the page. Scarlet sniffed back the tears and used her hand to wipe away the tear, spreading it to other parts before she closed the book and locked it. It was her diary, the one her father gave her on her thirteenth birthday. That was four years ago before he died in a car crash that took almost a year of her sanity.
She stood up from the chair and went straight to her bed, going to the top and curling her knees up. She could hear the fireworks go off and the sounds echoing in her room. It was new year after all. Another year to be grateful for being alive, cheerful, have fun…but she has a feeling it is going to be different this time.
When morning arrived, she got out of her room and headed downstairs, to the living room. Her mother had put up decors the day before which hung down from the walls and Scarlet knows she had disappointed her this time.
"Morning sunshine."
Scarlet descended the last stair and she looked up to see her mother sitting on the sofa, still in her night dress and with her legs curled. Her mother set her lips into a thin smile and she groaned as she made her way towards the kitchen.
"I know that look mom," she said as she entered the kitchen and came out with a glass of water.
"Sure you do," her mother said and stood from the sofa. "Happy new year, sunshine," she said and gave her a hearty hug.
"Happy new year mom," she replied and hugged her back.
During breakfast that morning, her mother said to her, "The whole street was lighting up fireworks that I could hardly sleep."
"It happens every new year. Get used to it already."
"I know," her mom said. "I thought we would also light ours and disturb the street."
Scarlet furrowed her brows and she turned her body to look at the corner. "Oops, I totally forgot that we also bought some." Turning her body back to face her mother, she said, "I am so so sorry mom. I didn't mean to spoil the fun."
"You ruined it already," her mother expressed disappointment. "Or we can still make it up," she gave her a heads up.
"What?" Scarlet asked, looking confused and she saw her mother leave the table where she went to grab the fireworks.
"Come on," her mother said and made her way outside.
"No way!" Scarlet said with wide eyes and she quickly left her food to catch up with her mother. On getting outside, she hugged her body to herself as the weather was chilly and she asked, "Mom, what are you doing?"
"Lighting up fireworks, sunshine."
Scarlet gave a laughing scoff and she said, "It ended literally few hours ago."
"But it's still new year, isn't it?" her mother said and light up one of the fireworks which whooshed up and sparked into different colors, giving a sparking sound.
Scarlet felt embarrassed, even though it looked fun to her, and she looked around just in case to see if anyone was looking, and yes, one of their neighbors came out just right in time to dispose a dirt.
"Mrs. Winters."
"Good morning Mr. Baron," her mother greeted aloud with a smile which the man returned.
"I see that you are having a blast with your daughter," he said.
"Well great isn't it?" she ended it with a laugh and said, "Happy new year to you and your family. Do tell Anna I said hi."
The man gave a thumb up and got back inside and Scarlet dared to breathe a sigh of relief. "That was…crazy."
"I know right?" her mother said and they both chuckled. "Now come on, don't spoil the fun this time."
Scarlet smiled and went to pick up a firecracker and she lit it up before sending it to the sky. "Woah," she laughed with her mother when it blasted off and her eyes moved just in time to see Johan coming out of his home from across their street. Yes, they are neighbors too and the smile on her face disappeared slowly.
"Happy new year Mrs. Winters," he wished her mother with a smile as he rode his bicycle slowly past the front of their yard.
"Johan," her mother called sweetly and said, "A new year it is, and I hope to see you more often."
He smiled and his eyes moved to look at hers briefly before he rode away. He didn't have to sway her heart with his smile again, she thought before her mother's voice made her look at her.
"That didn't look like a yes to me. Is something wrong?"
Scarlet cheeks already turned red due to the cold and the embarrassment she felt and she broke it to her mother, "We broke up."
"Oh!" she sounded surprised. "I guess I won't be seeing him more often then. Why did you two break up?"
"I don't want to talk about it. Seeing him again reminded me just now that school resumes in less than a week," she said and made her way back inside the house.
Later that day, Scarlet sat in her room, facing the desk with a novel in her hand when her phone's light flashed in her eyes. Picking it up, she saw that it was Melanie, her best friend.
"Hey, Mel.," she said when she answered.
"OMG! Are you okay?" Mel asked, sounding alarmed.
"Yes, I am," Scarlet replied, unsure. "Why?"
"I called you like 7 times after the message you sent. I was worried something happened to you when you didn't pick up. Are you really sure you are fine?"
Hold on… Scarlet said in her head and quickly went through her call history and indeed she has seven missed calls from her. "What message are you talking about again?" she asked as she went on WhatsApp.
"Girl, did you and Johan really break up or not?" Melanie asked right just after she saw the message she had sent to her earlier and she sighed.
"We did," she answered and left her desk to parade the room.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you sure you are okay?"
"I'm fine. I mean, it's not like he broke my heart or something. We broke up in a good way. I'm just starting to hate him for being so honest. He could have done something to make me hate him a little but the more I think about it, I have no reason to be mad at him," she explained and went to stand in front of her window. "Are you still there?" she asked and her brows pulled together when she didn't hear any response. "Mel?"
"Yes Scarlet. Look, I'm sorry okay? I wish I could come over but my relatives are here and my mom won't stop calling my name to come downstairs."
"No, it's…fine. You can go. I don't want to use my sob love story to hold you down. Well, not like it's a sob love story. Anyway, I'll chat you later then."
"Alright. And happy new year to you. I can't wait to see you again when we resume," she said, beaming over the phone.
Scarlet smiled and wished her, "Me too. Happy new year Mel."
The phone call ended and a soft sigh escaped her lips. She doesn't remember texting Melanie about her break up with Johan. It must have happened when her mind was still trying to process it. She hugged her body to herself when the cold air blew in and she made to shut it when her eyes caught Johan below and someone else standing together with him in front of his home. It was a female and her heart shrunk at the sight of them.
Did he move on already? She thought as her eyes began to sting painfully. Well, that was fast. And here she was, still trying to get over the break up. He has never been this close with any other girl before except her while they were dating. It made her wonder if she had pushed every other girl out of his life during those times and the reason he decided they could not be together.
She saw him laugh over something she must have said and saw her getting closer to him for a hug. He gave it to her, with a pat on her back and her chest tightened at the sight of them. She quickly moved the curtains over and let out soft painful sobs. She could not watch it anymore, and she could not hold back the tears from falling from her eyes.
She had believed she would be okay. Never did she thought she would hurt like this if they went apart.