He kept quiet.
"Because I want you to know me first more than knowing them. I know it's an egotistical thing for me to do, but I hope you understand."
He sighed and continued.
"I want you to feel that you're special because of me and not because of them."
He paused for a moment again and stared at me. I smiled. I know how he feels and I understand. Looking at myself right now, I knew I got along with the guys easily. Maybe that's why he wanted me to know him first.
"I love you." He told me and held my hand.
"I love you, too, Michael. I'll always will."
The party went on and Michael just stayed beside me. I told him it was alright for him to leave me here and watch him play, but he decided to stick with me. He said that he would be just one of the audience and not an entertainer. This party was so cool. It was like I was at the club and I just wanted to dance. For a moment, I saw Michael signal Nathan and nodded. What was that for?
After a minute, the guys played a song I didn't recognize. It was so pleasing that I wanted to fall in love over and over. It's so sweet and so meaningful, and I wonder who sang that song.
Just when I was about to ask Michael, he told me something. "I wrote that song for you. Come on, let's dance."
He pulled me towards the dance floor and put his arms around my waist.
I kept quiet. I still couldn't say a word.
"More like a prom?" He asked.
"Way better than a prom. Thank you, Michael. This is the best song I have ever heard."
He is the best boyfriend ever. This night is like a fairy tale. I felt like a princess dancing with a handsome prince. I felt like flying... flying away from here... away from these people surrounding us... flying... going somewhere where there can just be the two of us. If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up anymore. As we were dancing, I closed my eyes and made a wish. I wish that this would be forever. I hope it will come true. I love Michael so much and this feeling gets stronger day by day. It felt so good, I don't want this to stop. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He is so damn looking good. When I see his eyes, I see forever. I don't want him out of my life. I wouldn't be able to live without him. I love him so much that I think I would break down if I lose him.
The music stopped.
Michael pulled me towards him and kissed my forehead. "Come on! Let's get out of here."
"Where?"
"Just follow me, I'll show you something."
Both of us ran towards the door and rushed outside. Why do we keep on running? I'm in a dress! But well, wherever we are going, I assume that it's one of his sweetest plans again. Is he going to surprise me?
While we were running, I noticed the striking silvery moon I hadn't seen for quite a while. I realized it's been so long since I went out at night to gaze at the sky and enjoy the splendor of the heavenly bodies. I have been stuck in my room every evening. I was busy studying… busy talking to Michael on the phone... busy writing my journal... I was so busy I didn't bother to look at the window to see how great it was outside.
"Here we are," Michael said looking at nowhere.
"Oh. What are we doing here at the park? Reminisce how we met?" I giggled. I have no idea what we are doing here.
"Uh, no?" He said. "I just wanted to show you how beautiful it is here during the night. You always show your appreciation for this place during the day and I want to show you that it's greater at night. Come here, let's sit and enjoy the beauty of nature as we always do."
We sat down at our favorite place and gazed at the stars.
It's so amazing, I miss this moment, I remember myself rushing outside our house just to look at the sky and I don't care if it's freezing as long as I can see the greatness of this scenery. I wonder why I did not do this since I went to college. I know I was too busy with all the pieces of stuff and I almost forgot I needed to do something I know I've been doing before to make me feel calm and relaxed. Is this why I always feel the pressure of everything? As I gazed at the stars, I noticed one star so bright and so visible but was all alone. I don't even know if it's part of those constellations.
"That is called the Polaris," Michael said. I didn't notice he was staring at me looking at that star. "The brightest star in the North."
"Polaris." I sighed.
"Don't you know that it's the only star whose position is essentially fixed?"
"So it's located in the same place and doesn't move like all the other stars? No wonder it's all alone." I sounded like I was talking about myself again.
"Nope. Little and Big Dipper are with it. You were so focused on one star that you didn't notice the stars surrounding it." He said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Don't you get it?" He said. " RM, don't you know that you are still the person peeping at the doorknob? I know you are showing the real you to me but how about to others?"
"I don't know. I know you're all I got you know that. I don't have that many friends… well, real friends like you do." I looked down, tears fell from my cheeks. I know it's so hard when you don't have a friend. Mike is the only one there for me who knows me for who I am.
"Why don't you give a chance to others, RM? You know, there's a lot of people there who are willing to be your friend."
"Are you letting me go?"
"RM, I just want you to realize that I'm not the only person who cares for you. It's so selfish for me if I won't let you hang out with others, with friends."
"But I don't have friends!"
"RM…"
"Please Michael… you know I've been so afraid to trust anyone you thought was your friend but will end up leaving you behind. You didn't know how I felt 'coz it didn't ever happen to you. Please…. Let's not talk about it." I pleaded crying.
"Don't cry. I don't want to see you sad." He held my hand. "I'll hold you tight all through the night if you want. I won't let go… I won't let go til you tell me to."
"Promise me you'll always be here for me no matter what."
"I promise." He held me tighter. "I'll be here for you forever. I wont let go I promise."
I smiled at him and lay down on the grass comfortably for a better view of the stars. He's just there sitting looking at me.
"Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have a dirt on my face?" I told him.
"You look so beautiful today." And he stared at me.
He bent his face toward my face and kissed my lips… I kissed him back passionately. I almost cried because it's so beautiful it felt so special… Our first real kiss… as we explored the magic of love, I heard him saying he loves me so much while he was kissing me. This night is the best night ever. I hugged him tight, closed my eyes, and made a wish again. This moment is so special that I don't want it to end.
"I love you, RM." He told me.
"I love you, too… so much."
This is the best night of my life. There's nothing I can say. Michael is the sweetest boyfriend in the world. I never thought that I would feel this way, and I never thought that fairy tales are true, I'm living in a world of ideals but Michael is so perfect… more than my ideal guy... He's the only guy I'll love this way and I know this will be forever… I will not love anyone besides him… he will be the last guy in my life, I swear.
"It's already freezing out here. I think we have to go back inside." Michael said and smacked at my lips.
I just smiled and stood up.
We rushed back to the party to warm ourselves and to join his friends as well. I thought of the things he told me just a while back and I realize that I haven't been seeing any friends. He told me to give a chance to others as my friend and I know I still need a friend beside him. I hoped his friends could be my friends too, not just acquaintances but best of friends. Thinking too much, I did not notice that we were walking in a different direction. I thought we'd go back to the party. Where are we going? He pulled me towards the porch and I was surprised to see that the setup was so beautiful. Everybody inside is enjoying that they didn't notice this place.
"If you are wondering, I set up this place just for the two of us. Now can I ask you another dance?"
And the music played. I don't even know where it is coming from.
I closed my eyes I we were dancing.
"Please don't," I told him.
"Huh?"
"Please don't let this stop. please don't hurt me in the end."
"RM, I love you more than you know. I will love you forever and I won't let anything happen that will hurt you."
"Promise?"
"I promise." And he kissed me one more time.
This night ended full of love and promises. This night is a fairy tale I never dreamed of because I thought it was not real. I am so happy and I wasn't able to sleep the whole night. I kept on picturing what happened that night… at the party… at the park… at the porch…. It all happened in just one night… A night that will hold us together and will remind us that no matter what happens, we will still be together. I never felt so in love before… I never felt anything like this… this feeling is so different from what I felt before. I know I was so afraid to love because I've been hurt before. But now, there's a feeling that I'm going to break down if I'll get hurt again… I know I will never love anyone like this… or I'll never love again. I'm so afraid to get hurt this time, more afraid than before, more afraid because I love him so much and I know I can't live without him. I found my world in him and I don't need to pretend… I don't need to meddle in somebody's world just to belong… he showed me the true meaning of love and he accepted me as me without pretending to be someone else. He is the one who took off a thousand masks I wear… he is the one who unlocked the door to the room where I was hiding… and he is the one who got me out of my comfort zone which is so ironic because I wasn't that comfortable after all.
Since I can't sleep that night, I decided to just write an article on my journal. But I can't even start a word. There are so many words I keep on thinking that it's all mixed up. I can't think of a right word to say how happy I am today. And I haven't notice that I keep on writing his name, thinking of him makes me smile and so awake.