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Chapter 11 - This Belongs To An Auxiliary Chapter

Avery was in a strangely good mood. It's almost like he was actually returning from a mind-blowing threesome with partners he did not have to worry about ever seeing again. 

How could Micah tell? Avery was humming a cheery little tune. 

A cheery little tune from a children's song. 

A cheery little tune from a children's song that went, "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don't know why she swallowed a fly—perhaps she'd die!"

'Perhaps she'd die. Perhaps I'll die,' Micah thought. As with Felicia, Avery's good mood was not what anyone would consider reassuring. Yes, he's prone to theatrics when upset, but he's also susceptible to "silly little ideas" (his own words) when happy.

Micah found himself caught between a rock and a hard place. Should he cut his worrying and ask now or should he wait for Avery to spring it on him at what would most definitely be an inopportune moment?

After weighing the pros and cons, Micah went with the former. After all, he wasn't a fan of surprises. It's also good to have some extra time to prepare for an escape if Avery's plan turned out to be too ludicrous.

"So," Micah ventured, opening his mouth to put his foot in, "you like the song?" 

"Hmmm?" 

"I asked if you like the song."

"What song?"

"The, uh, nursery rhyme."

"Oh. I guess it's a nursery rhyme." Avery scratched his head absentmindedly. "I can't really remember where it's from though."

And that was how Micah knew he had chosen the wrong way to initiate this conversation. He already suspected it, but it's almost always nice to get some confirmation. 

'At least,' he consoled himself, 'I'm getting more comfortable with uncomfortable silences. This is a good skill to have as an adult.'

Avery resumed humming. Or he tried to. But the childhood melody which had come so easily to him when he's unaware eluded him now that he's conscious of it. After a couple of false starts that annoyed him more than he cared to admit, he gave up and turned his attention to his husband. "You know, we got lucky."

"We did," Micah agreed, remembering Bezalel's quick save.

"I'm surprised Felicia forgot to ask where Adeline was. At least not while we're at the shop. I do hope she thought of it five seconds after she realized she couldn't find us."

"You don't like her."

"No shit. Nobody likes her. She's insane, and not the fun kind of insane. She has absolutely no friends. Zero, zip, zilch, nada."

"Even Adeline?"

"Even Adeline. Adeline just tolerates her to prevent her from doing something extreme just because she fancies her feelings hurt. Ah, I see you're surprised. Well, I suppose you know her body better than you know her."

Micah felt his cheeks warming and knew he could do a passable impression of a bulbous tomato. Avery smirked tellingly before continuing, "Felicia is a distant cousin of ours. Now, don't interrupt, I can see it from your face."

Micah quickly rearranged his features to look as innocent as possible.

Avery sighed, unconvinced but amused. "Can't blame you for that reaction. I know how little 'distant cousin' narrows things down when the Wellands are related to every extant noble family in Belgarvia and maybe up to a third of the gentry, but I have to start somewhere with this introduction. Felicia is Uncle Percy's youngest child with his first wife."

"Uncle Percy? I think you mentioned him just now to calm her down."

"Yes, because she hates him enough to feel pity for his other victims. I'm sure you've heard his name from time to time, even if you cannot place a face to that name. You may know him as Baronet Percival Valdene of Sorfolk instead."

That title rang a bell (dully) in Micah's head. He was sure he'd heard it somewhere, but he couldn't quite recall where…

His blank expression elicited a chuckle from Avery. "It's alright. Uncle Percy is really quite forgettable compared to his famous wife. Or shall I say infamous wife. You definitely know her. Ms Agnetha Sorel."

"Oh, yes," Micah answered, excited to contribute to the topic at hand. "The Duchess's rival."

"Indeed, although that's not what we call her in private. Uncle Percy was already catching a lot of flak after the media spotted him hanging out with a young model less than a month after his wife died and left behind a toddler and an infant. It didn't help that his wife, Elaine Knight, was well-liked."

"Ah. That's a familiar story."

"Unfortunately so. The names change but the basic plot always stays the same. Anyways, Uncle Percy was thoroughly enthralled. He brought Ms Sorel home and let her sleep on the Baronetess's bed, wear her clothes, fuck her husband, and discipline her children. The first three I think the Baronetess could forgive, but not the last. From what I've heard, Felicia and Philip, her older brother, were not treated kindly."

"I guess there's a reason Felicia is like this."

"Yes, but Philip is normal. He's a good guy. Handsome too. Looks a lot like Felicia, but without her crazy eyes. They have the same red hair and dimples. Oh, and the same impish smile."

"Do you like him?"

Avery burst into laughter. "Why? Are you jealous? But don't you worry, he's not my type. Too responsible. Too boring. He has been groomed to inherit the baronetcy since birth."

"While his sister has been allowed to just run wild? What if something, touch wood, happens to him?" 

"Well, I suppose that's how she has it a fair bit worse. You see, every noble family has its own rules of inheritance. The Sorfolk Baronetcy is an outlier in that sons, born in or out of wedlock, take precedence over daughters."

"Ah, I can see where this is going."

"Most people can. Like you said, it's a tired tale. Now, Uncle Percy knew marrying again before the customary mourning period was over would be committing social suicide, but he couldn't keep it in his pants."

"So he knocked up his side piece when he should've been grieving for the mother of his children?"

"Unfortunately for us all, he was not shooting blanks or using protection. Ms Sorel, still technically unmarried, attended my parents' wedding looking like she was about to pop any moment. When she announced she was carrying a son, Uncle Percy got down—I swear I am not joking—on both knees and proposed."

"…"

"Do you need some time to process this?"

"He BEGGED her to marry him? In public?" 

"Yes, and it got worse. Mama said most people believed it was a temporary infatuation that would quickly fade, that Uncle Percy would grow sick of his new spouse and repent his unbecoming ways. That might have just been Mama's bitterness talking, because the four kids they had in the next three years painted a very persuasive picture of matrimonial bliss."

"Four kids, huh. How many boys?" 

"Three. I can't be bothered to remember what they're called, but the girl is called Felicity."

"Yikes." 

"Yikes is the right reaction." 

Micah made a mental note to avoid any woman capable of such incredible pettiness. "Go on."

"I may be the spare, but Felicia is not even the spare of the spare. She was so deprived of affection that when we first met at a playdate, she immediately latched onto my friendly little sister. Adeline was a merry child, pleasant to almost everyone, and that's enough to make her Felicia's lifelong obsession."

"Friendships between women are terrifying."

"That they are." 

"So how did she go from a minor noble to a lady's maid?"

"After Ms Sorel birthed yet another brother, Felicia decided that enough was enough. She disowned her father and renounced her status and inheritance. Then she begged Adeline to take her in, vowing that she would earn her keep even if she had to work as a maid."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that, yes."

"Why would Adeline agree to have a lunatic so close to her?" It was dawning on Micah that although he had married into the Welland family, these nobles and their ways would always be beyond him.

"My personal suspicion that I've never been able to prove is that Adeline was the one who put the idea in Felicia's head. Adeline may be younger, but she has always been the one pulling the strings. That's not to say that Felicia is some hapless victim. She's her willing puppet."

'Ah,' Micah realized, 'as opposed to me, her unwilling puppet.'