July 9, 2020
Today is my 7th birthday. It is also the anniversary of my illness diagnosis. Father and Mother know more about it than I do, and they say that the illness was so severe that it almost took my life when I was younger. I am only alive because my mother devoted her life to discovering a cure for me. My father and his workers say that I am very lucky to be alive. He never really talks to me though, even my oldest memories of him are about him and Mother talking about work. Mother says Father is a very busy man because he owns casinos and bars that lots of people go to. From what my mother tells me, Father's business is very important, and that the casinos and bars are places that I don't need to worry about. I think that Father has other jobs too because every once in a while, I watch strange men come in dressed in black and give him big briefcases through a gap in my room's doorway. I almost even got caught by a maid one time so I have to be very careful. I remember some of the names of these men when Father talks to them. He calls the different men Sin, Guilty, Sorrow, and Fear. Maybe their names are code for something, but I think it is very weird to be named 'Sin' by your parents...They call my Father a 'king among kings' so it makes me think that that is my Father's other job. He is also the king of this city, which would make me a prince and Mother the queen!
Whenever me and Mother go and visit Father at his office in the city, he never says anything to me about his work because he still thinks I am too young to help, and that I should go back to school with the maids. Even though he is mean and does not talk to me, Father makes up for it by getting me lots of presents! Even on days that are not my birthday or Christmas! Sometimes he gives me money so I can buy whatever I want, but I prefer getting actual gifts. There is one thing I really want though... Sometimes, Father and Mother get into big arguments and fights where Father starts hitting and yelling at Mother. Whenever this happens, the maids try and take me away and tell me to cover my ears, which I hate doing. After the fight is over and I can go back out, it makes me really sad because Mother is crying and Father does nothing to help her, and just has another sip from his bottle. I thought they were supposed to love each other. Even though they go back to normal after a couple of days, the fighting always starts back up every once in a while, so this year for my birthday, I really, really want my father and mother to stop fighting so that we can be a happy family.
14th of August 2020
Today I woke up in the hospital. I think I must have fainted somewhere yesterday while I was on the playground because I don't remember a lot about what I did last night. I think I heard Mother talking with Father outside while I was asleep. There was a lot of yelling again, just like there is every week. Once a week, my father comes home from work and starts fighting with Mother again. Sometimes, when he tries to hit her, I get in his way if my body feels good that day and try and protect Mother. Every time I do though, Father gets really angry and swears as he stops and goes away... Even though it's true that I don't have a regular body, the maids say my mother gives up everything to keep me alive, so I want to help her.
My Mother told me that she is a scientist who treats children like me who have similar symptoms at this very hospital. She also said that my illness was very special because it was the worst out of all the patients there because my body may suddenly burn and disintegrate at any time, meaning that I have to have special treatment all the time. I trust my mother because she is a scientist, and she says she will always be here for me, but sometimes I remember what might happen to me, and I feel terrified and lonely.
20th of August 2020
It is a weird feeling not being able to move your legs the way others would. Today I fell at school and all the other children started looking at me. I hated the way that all their attention shifted to me in a single moment. Their shadows stood over me as they watched me tear up on the ground. I cried and shouted at them to leave because I was so hurt and angry and scared. The look my classmates gave only made me feel worse. They looked at me like I was something else, like I didn't belong because of my illness. Real school is so different to my old school with the maids. I don't understand anything that the teachers are talking about, and I can already feel my grades are getting worse because of it. It feels like no matter how hard I try, everyone else has more talent than me, more knowledge than me. I feel like all I can do is try and copy what everyone else is doing. I wish that one day I can become the version of myself that my parents and my future self will not be disappointed by.
I wish I was just like everyone else. I wish my parents loved each other, and I wish I could walk whenever I wanted to. I wish that I could have friends that I can play with, just like how everyone else plays with each other. But I remember that I am different. That I am special because of my illness. Even after all these years, I cannot make any new friendships. I hate being alone. I hope that this loneliness will end soon.
17th of September 2020
Today we started packing up the house because my mother said that we are going on a trip to Japan. Mother says that Japan is quite far away from where we are. I think the trip has everyone excited. Father has not yelled at Mother for a long time and he is home more frequently now. He also started talking to me, which I am very happy about We had a conversation for the first time where we talked about the things we would like to do in Japan. Before this, Father would just come home and only talk to me when it was time for bed. Both Father and Mother are smiling more now and I am starting to feel like my wish to become family again has come true! I wonder if they had a talk before or if they are happier now because of the holiday. We also had to do a lot of packing, which I hated so much! I know we have to bring our things on vacation, but why did we have to pack up our entire house?
October 1, 2020
We finally arrived in Kyoto a few days ago. It is so different here in Japan! The language they use here is very different to what we speak because no one can understand what I am saying. Mother said that to attend this school, I need to learn how to speak like them. I was unable to make friends in my home country so I have no one to miss or be missed by. My mother told me that we are going to stay in Japan for a while because Japan has lots of new medicines that can treat my illness. Mother and Father seemed so happy! It seems like only yesterday that I was on a plane travelling to this freezing place that could help me become healthy. I will not be writing much more today because Mother says I need time to adjust to the changes that come with moving.
1st of April 2023
Today was really cold again. It's beautiful how the pink and white leaves fall. It seems like a good day to start my first day at school in Kyoto. Everything seemed so surreal... only a few years ago, I was still unsure of when I'd be allowed to return home and how I would manage to keep my sickness a secret from my schoolmates. But now, I can control my body without hurting myself, and I can't believe I'm normal now.
My first day at school was a success, since I was able to make friends with a boy named Kang Ji-Soon, who was a really interesting person. We only talked for a little bit about our hobbies, and we already became friends. He shared his love of karate and his interest in games. It was a good feeling to have someone express their thoughts to me. My mother was very happy with how I was adjusting. Kang seems very smart, and he really likes the idea of chance. I didn't understand what he meant when he said he thought everything happened through fate. Maybe I heard something wrong; since my Japanese isn't as good as his, it was a little hard to speak with him.
8th of April 2023
Today I met another very interesting person. I first saw her sitting on a yellow seat next to the pathway leading to the school entrance as I was around the school. She was looking at a small garden from her seat. I thought she looked a bit bored, so I approached her and asked her what she was doing sitting all alone. Before she could respond, though, I looked at what she was staring at. Pink petals were floating in the sunlight as they fell from a cherry blossom tree. The girl looked at me after a moment. I remember she asked me a question. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" Her name was Jang Hoyeon Mai.
For a little bit before the end of lunch, we started talking about the beautiful cherry blossoms. She said a strange word that I didn't understand. Ukiyo. She said that ukiyo means to live in the moment and to forget your troubles, like how she was admiring the cherry blossoms to get out of detention for missing homework.
July 9, 2023
Today Mother surprised me with a tablet for my 10th birthday. The tablet she gave me was the newest model from a gaming company where she recently got a job at. Father has been having a hard time finding a job because he keeps leaving them after a months or two. Every time I ask him about his business back home, he doesn't seem to want to talk about it. Even though we became a bit closer, my father still talks to me like I'm a baby. I still remember how he used to treat me and my mother, but I couldn't keep blaming him. Especially not now. My parents are both happy, Mother has helped cure my illness, and Father is now trying to care for the family. We have become a real family, where there is laughter in the morning and happy whispering at night. It is all I've ever wanted, and I've finally got it. Thank you, Father. Thank you Mother. Know that I will always love you both.
September 4, 2023
Today's weather was partly cloudy, and Kyoto city was misty this morning. The weather was a little chilly now that we were farther into October, making this the most refreshing month of the year. Since I've been in Kyoto for nearly a year, I can't say that I miss my home country. After all, I never really had anybody to miss. Instead, moving to Japan helped me let go of the past and make new friends, a boy named Kang Ji-Soon and a girl named Jang Hoyeon Mai.
Since Hoyeon's father works for V.I.R.M. as a developer, the three of us recently took part in a local gaming event where we got to play their most recent game, Fever Dream, an open-world RPG that has amassed millions of players worldwide. My father also recently joined the company and is now working as one of the team software developers. He was bound to get hired sooner rather than later, given his prior experience as an engineer. I'm just glad that my father has finally given up alcohol since he seems so much happier now that he has a job he likes.
17 December 2023
Today my family got a notice that we had been invited to an annual business meeting with V.I.R.M. at Western Tokushima Prefecture. We are going to Iya Valley, deep in the centre of Shikoku Island, where we will be spending the night in a big wooden cabin on the side of a hill, above a large flower field. Mother says it's a beautiful place.
Father says that the valley is notable for its deep, rocky canyons and steep mountain slopes, which used to be crossed by vine bridges. My father said we should treat the business trip as a family holiday that we go on every year. Hoyeon will be coming with her parents as well! Now I will be able to look forward to this day every year as the day that I get to spend time with my family and friends.
21st of February 2024
Hoyeon's birthday was today, so when we got out of school, Kang, Hoyeon, and I went to her dad's workplace to celebrate both Hoyeon's birthday and the anniversary of Fever Dream. Apparently, all new logins receive one blessed pull and a free 3-star weapon. I hadn't played Fever Dream properly before this, but I thought that it was about time to make an offical account. And the free stuff made it look very tempting. It took me a bit to sign up however, since I struggled to come up with a good username, Hoyeon recommended the name "Kirizkuuk," which sounds like "Kirisaku." The name meant "cut through." Kirizkuuk sounds so cool! It makes me feel like a master swordsman of sorts. Hoeyon went on a tangent about how and why the name was perfect for me and how it captures every aspect of who I am. Hoyeon has always been quite kind, and she is way more empathetic and understanding than I am. Mother says she has a much easier time absorbing the emotions of others around her.
After the party, we stepped out onto the first-floor balcony of V.I.R.M.'s building. This floor, however, was filled with the tons of cutting-edge equipment and 3D models. Father says that because the company was relatively small, the owners had to make do with a 4-story structure, which was far smaller than even Kyoto's relatively modest skyscrapers. That night, Hoeyon and I observed the city view. The evening sky was so beautiful.
Then suddenly, a loud explosion shook the ground, and the sky turned orange. It looked like the sky was suddenly exploding with stars. I couldn't believe what I was watching as fireworks were set off to commemorate a day that would go down in history. I stared at Hoyeon, who was fixated on the pretty colours, until the sun had nearly entirely set. Eventually, the fireworks stopped, and I was finally able to muster up the courage to give her her present. It was a necklace of a floating castle made entirely out of silver. I was lucky to be able to win the limited item through an online game. I remember she smiled at me before accepting it, and we waited until dusk fell before we left, our hands tightly held to one another.
Before we said our goodbyes, I made Hoyeon a promise. I promised that I would take her all over the world to experience everything together, and then we would settle down in a small cabin right next to a lake on a floating island. Quietly, with no one to disturb us, we'd live out our peaceful lives until the end of time.
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1st of January 2031
It's been a long time, hasn't it…
I keep wondering why I met her on that day 7 years ago, which drives me crazy. I'm the only son of the Lynn family, who are known as famous scientists and gang leaders. People place the notion that I inherit their brains and brawn, almost like my life has been forcefully shackled with my parent's responsibilities. I'm not interested in any innovative technologies, and I'm certainly not interested in the shady business that my father conducted in the past. I'm also not absorbed enough to pursue the path of becoming a physicist, or at least, that was the case until my faithful encounter with the two girls, Hoyeon and Tang-Ji, on the vivid flower field. We were naive kids who didn't know any better... What else could we have done to change that blazing night? I couldn't protect Hoyeon, whom I loved; rather, I caused her trauma that could never be erased, and I failed to prevent Tang-Ji from losing her memories.
My parents were also brought down along with our wooden lodge. The moments of fire crashing down on my mind with constant fear and the blurry vision of Tang-Ji screaming in agony from the intense heat were ingrained deep into my very soul. Hoyeon was sent away, along with Tang-Ji, who was transferred to a private hospital. I couldn't reach them both for the past 7 years because our parent's network company blocked all our locations and contact with each other. Each account is made under VIRM's influence; they can choose whether to delete or withhold your information for themselves. It is ethically and morally wrong, but that's just how the new world functions. Kyoto isn't under the influence of the Japanese government system due to its high privileges from its otherworldly innovations.
21st of February 2031
My first impression of her...
Something of note happened today. It was a normal day as I made my way to class, slipping through clusters of students chatting in the halls. As I rounded the top of the stairs, I was surprised to find a crowd outside my classroom. I thought maybe some moron had broken a window or started a fight again, but then it clicked—everyone must be here to check out the new transfer student. Our teacher had mentioned a new girl, and judging by the crowd, she had to be a sight.
I pushed past the onlookers and stepped into the room. She was hard to miss. Sitting among the other girls in their sailor-style uniforms, her vintage pinafore dress stood out like she'd been cut from another world and pasted into ours. The dress gave her an understated elegance, and her long, jet-black hair framed a face that was quietly captivating. Large, blue eyes were fixed on the book in her hands, her posture perfectly upright. It was as if nothing around her mattered.
She was striking, even more so than Emiko Azuki—the girl everyone called the prettiest in our grade level. But there was something about this girl that felt distant, almost untouchable. The other students kept their distance, content to observe her from afar, their whispers filling the room. Then the teacher arrived and asked her to write her name on the board. She stood, moved to the front, and lifted the chalk, spelling out "Tang-Ji Shizukesa." My chest tightened. I hadn't heard that name in years, but the memory of it lingered, echoing back from a time before everything changed.
27th of February 2031
I see her everywhere. She moves through class effortlessly, answering every question without hesitation and running circles around the track team in the gym. Yet when the other students praised her, she'd only offer a cool, detached stare, as if unsure why they even bothered. A few of the braver students tried inviting her to join their clubs, but she declined every offer with the same curt disinterest. I'd almost think it's someone completely different, but no matter how she looks and acts, it was definitely Tang-Ji.
Watching her, I could see glimpses of the friend I once knew—someone I thought I'd lost. But now, she felt like a stranger in the shell of someone I'd long ago foolishly left behind.
1st of March 2031
Today I went to go dump some spare computer parts along with a towering pile of hard-copied documents for our next club event because some of the new students accidentally broke one of our school computers after tripping on one of the cables. I even had to hand in an apology letter along with some of my compensation. It's unbelievable that just when I started this hobby of mine, I got stuck with clean-up duties for these ungrateful juniors, who keep protesting about how we should buy new computers.
On my way to the trash, I was rammed headlong to the ground by a student. The papers, along with the mechanical parts I'd been carrying, shot into the air like a burst feather pillow. The girl lying on the ground slowly retracted her body into a sitting upright position. At that moment, fate had once again reminded me of my morbid past. It seemed like fate liked to tailgate my fragile mind; no matter where I go, the things from the old days will always come back as grim reminders.
When our eyes met in that humid corridor, she was glowing brilliantly under the afternoon light. It was the same long hair that was flicking by the gentle breeze. An expression so apathetic followed, along with the dark blue irises like sapphire. There is no doubt in my mind that this was the girl whom I had seen in my dream's countless times—the girl who shared the same dream as me—the one that made me the person I am today. Tang-Ji's presence had my face flushing a little. I mean, how could I not? How hadn't I noticed before? She was breathtakingly beautiful up close. She averted her eyes moments later, which suggested that she had zero recollection of us ever meeting. I pretended to complain about my club members, hoping she didn't notice my uptight expressions. While I was apologising, Tang-Ji abruptly collapsed in the corridor. I couldn't help but notice how she felt so light when I carried her to the nurse's room. I'm sorry if you ever read this, Tang-Ji.
You might have all grown up looking different, but I can still see the once cheeky girl you used to be.
This reminds me of when you passed out from exhaustion after sprinting around the flow field. I had to carry her back to the cabin on the side of the mountain. Our memories might have been short, but we sure did spend every second of them with each other. When she opened her eyes, my anxiety finally blew away, and you sat up with a blank expression, looking dazed from the collision. I hope I didn't injure you any further than you already are. I told you my name in hopes of sparking your memories, yet nothing returned, nor did it change your nulled appearance. It looks like the only way left is to trigger that old consciousness of yours through something that you are passionate about. I reluctantly invited her to join my E-sport club, and to my surprise, I finally received a text message from you at 1:30 a.m. saying that she would be joining the club. At least one thing hasn't changed about her; she sure did stay up late.
1st of April 2031
I played some more games today. I played with Tang-Ji, who's recently been playing a magic gunslinger that effortlessly dances across the battlefield with petals of bullets raining down on her enemies. We've been talking more frequently now since that afternoon, and as we grew closer through countless nights of video games, she's been getting into that game more often now. Her memories might have faded, but her skills in this game sure haven't—not even a bit. She was able to effortlessly conquer a whole clan, even though I struggle to keep up with her speed, even though I've been playing this game every day.
Apparently her character class was considered one of the hardest on the mastery ranking. It takes fast reaction time and precision to be capable of manoeuvring around like a gunslinger. It's the weakest class in the game in terms of mobility, but also one of the highest magical damage dealers in the game. A novice player would've already changed their class after a few dungeon runs; even fighting with in-game mobs has already proven to be a difficult task for this class. It's funny, really. She's always been a solo player; she probably doesn't want to form a party with other players because they might slow her down or get in the way. Even I have trouble keeping up with that brash girl. How time flies when you decide not to pay any attention to it.