As my eyes fluttered open, dawning my consciousness , I was met with an unfamiliar world, utterly transformed, a vivid painting of hues and shades.
I found myself with emotions previously unknown, facing it for the first time in my life . These emotions are Desiderium itself carving the hollowness within me.
" What's this feeling? Why am I feeling so empty?" . As my heart was shrouded by this emptiness , joyless and stressful emotions , I embarked a self - Interrogation on my heart to ascertain the origin of these painful emotions.
" Why does this heart ache as though adorned with heavy stone, weighing the lost universe, burdened with unfathomable sense of loss" And more importantly, " why am I crying? why does this tears keep flowing? where does this river of sorrow originate from?" .
Lost in Those thoughts and emotions , I stood there as a lone wanderer lost in a Dark labyrinth , miserably searching for the rays of light.
"stop thinking about those, it's about time to prepare for today's exam... yes, final exam" I said to myself. The weight of the term 'final' seemed to hurt me for a thousand different reasons.
Inhaling deeply, I calmed my racing thoughts then swung my legs over the edge of the bed and flicked on the light spreading soft glow throughout the room .
My mother's voice, tinged with sleepiness, broke the silence, "studying already?".
"yeah" I nodded.
Hungry?" she further continued.
"no, I'm good" , I assured her with a smile not wanting to burden her.
I exited the bed and found myself standing against the mirror. The cool water splashed on my skin, sending a refreshing shiver throughout my spines. As I gazed upon my own reflection, I slowly wiped off the water from my face.
I slowly walked through the hallway and peacefully sat on the chair, slowly unzipping my bag and taking out my 8 pound math textbook. A wave of nostalgia hit me , bringing me those beautiful memories of past, The time I spent laughing with My Friends . That book holds lot of those cherished memories. Our math sensei was both larger than life and vertically challenged, unwittingly become the canvas for the cruel names we gave him. As I gazed upon the pages of that textbook, a gentle wave of nostalgia hit me again . As I immersed myself in the pages of that textbook, that gentle surge of nostalgia carried me away. The chapters transformed into windows through which I peered, each revealing a snapshot of that year. The scenes unfolded, each a vivid memory of pure joy. Amid this cascade of recollections, the echoes of laughter resounded, filling the classroom with its harmonious resonance. It was painful reminiscing about those beautiful memories.
A few moments later I took my mobile and messaged her,
"good Morning"
thinking about that day(march 21), it is shrouded in haze; memories are like sand slipping through my fingers. Why? Because on that day, I was anything but okay. My soul, my mind—they wore unfamiliar cloaks. As I retraced my steps, emotions emerged as faint whispers, the remnants of a bittersweet melody .As I retrace my steps, it's not the images that greet me, but the echoes of emotions, like the fading notes of a bittersweet melody. I continued studying for the next hour, my heart heavy with an ache that seemed to sear my very core
My heart was heavy throughout that hour. The pain was on a whole different tier.
I messaged her : "All the best for your exam, write slowly and calmly"
"All the best,write well" the reply came
Slowly disrobing, I entered the steamy bath. The hot water embraced my body, soothing away physical pain. Yet, what about the scars within, the inner agony that persisted like a relentless ache?
After changing, I was fully prepared for school. No, not mentally prepared, but it seemed there was no other choice. I spent a while conversing with my father, and then we heard the school bus's approaching roar. The moment to leave had arrived. I must go.
"did you take your Hall ticket?" my father asked.
"yeah " I replied
"all the best " he continued
I nodded with a gentle smile
my mom followed my up to the Van.
I slowly climbed the stairs of it, knowing that would be the last time I would be climbing that. I slowly realised that will be my last journey to the school. I walked across the seats to the last and sat at my own seat near the window.
Slowly , I calm my racing heart and got ready for this one last journey, bearing the pain.
The van slowly picked up the pace. As a gentle breeze caressed my face, The heaviness of the heart became unbearable. The mere idea of not being able to see her felt as though a thousand tiny needles were pricking at my heart.
Bearing those pain I was slowly headed to my school, for one last time.