Alexandra lived in a charming house. Since she was an only child, she resided with her parents in a two-bedroom cottage. As a result, I would spend a few nights sharing Alex's room with her.
Alexandra grabbed some dried sage from one of her numerous jars and ground the leaves into a powder, "Come on, girl, drop your shit and let's go smoke." Her mint came next. I questioned, "Beyond the treeline?" She halted rolling and asked, "Yeah, why?" before facing me from her window's broad sill. Just curious; keep in mind that I'm keeping quiet. She said goodbye and got back to work.
I'm shocked to have missed the entire scene last night. She grinned sarcastically and continued, "Would you be furious if I said I'm disappointed I couldn't be there. At her, I rolled my eyes. "It was terrible. I groaned. "The community may not be aware of it yet, but they most likely will, and I'm already in the limelight here. I had previously discussed my conversation with Olivia, the coffee girl, with Alex.
They did date, but just barely. If you know what I mean, Darius kept his choices open," she continued, tucking the folded herb behind her ear. Before being satisfied with the appearance, she reapplied her red lipstick and repeatedly slapped her lips together. Dakota got along well with me. He interrogated me, but I assume that's his responsibility, I murmured carelessly.
"I will say it even though you don't want to hear it. It would be beneficial if you were more forthcoming about your past and the circumstances that initially motivated you to journey alone through those mountain towns. How and why did you end up here, and why did you choose to stay? That way, you wouldn't be as mysterious, and their guard would be down. She continued that since you are currently seen as a threat, it is in their nature to protect their people.
She was usually straightforward, which I grew to appreciate, even though it was frequently directed at me and held me responsible for a lot. I sighed, "It's not that I have anything hazardous to conceal; I haven't even been that open with you and Caleb, let alone these nasty people. I pose no danger. Just painful self-truths were the only reason I wished to continue living in a civilized society. I was reluctant to bring that with me. Plus, you'll all feel sorry for me, and I couldn't take it," I continued.
Alexandra snatched her trademark sunglasses, slipped them on, threw an arm around me, and led me outside. She only uttered, "Secrets don't make friends, babe", before ceasing all further discussion. Was I overreacting about this? Should I have told my pals the truth about it? Even though I knew Alex wasn't trying to guilt me, I still felt the guilt. Once we entered the woods, I finally stated, "I..Alex, I don't mean to be secretive." She only spoke, "I know", as she lit her herbs.
"Well, I feel bad because I still feel like a stranger to all of you...Would you vouch for me Darius if I told you and Caleb, assuming I did that? She was silent for a moment as she focused on me, then grinned. The answer is, "Of course, we would." I became uneasy when she mind-linked Caleb, telling him to meet us at our location, which was just a little clearing in the woods.
Really anxious—hands trembling, stomach-churning anxious. When Caleb walked up and sat down next to us, I wanted to retract my offer to be more honest with them but realized it was too late.
Knowing how uneasy I was looking, he said, "Julie, don't feel pressured into this." He blamed Alexandra, asking, "Did you pressure her?" She laughed. "Of course not. He might be less wary of her if Darius knew more about her past. She repeated her previous arguments, saying, "We don't even know it, and I'm sure that worries him much more. Caleb agreed but gave me the assurance that we shouldn't discuss it. After giving it some thought, I concluded the time had come.
It's been too long to not be aware of your friend's background and experiences. They only knew that I like to keep my doors shut at night for a sense of serenity and to leave them open during the day to avoid feeling claustrophobic in my home surroundings. I'll elaborate on this subject now.
"My father has a drug addiction. Primarily a heroine. From when I was a baby until I ran away at age 19, I shared my life with him and his partner. She is also a drug and alcohol addict. They frequently brought and took away people from our life. I didn't have any stability growing up, and god, I don't even know where to start, I breathed out shakily. Caleb squeezed my hand as he took it in his.
"The house had clearly been neglected a lot. They wouldn't feed me the healthiest stuff, and occasionally they completely forgot. Just mediocre information that you can fill in the spaces with. My father tried his best to love me, but let me say that he had awful ideas while high. That was one of the worst things that had happened to me. I started defending him before I revealed what I was defending him from. Alexandra got right to the point: "Just tell us the story, babes."
I guess I tiptoe and avoid getting in the way of people since that's how I grew up. When my father and his girlfriend were high with their friends or, more often, when he was intoxicated, I didn't get in the way. I never intended to be a hassle. I have some PTSD around specific objects, like the door, because, um," I exhaled heavily again. I had no idea how challenging this would be. My hands trembled and twitched incessantly, and I could not even look them in the eyes when I spoke.
While trying to speak, it seemed like I was sprinting uphill, and my chest was tight with breath.
"Fucking Christ, okay, back when I was younger and naive, I would emerge from my room as they were getting high. They would be dozing off with needles poking out of their arms. Sometimes he would take me up, and his buddies would try to play with me, but they would stumble and slur their words. My father tried to lock me in my room when they wanted to get high, and I started touching things around them one day. I used to keep unlocking the door since I was young and wanted to leave. They screwed one of those hooks you can purchase at sexual stores into the ground and tied me up with a leash so I could enter my room but not open the door. His girl had a fantastic plan to confine me in my room. Although it wasn't always the case, it happened frequently enough that I would sob to be freed when I matured and realized how wrong that was. "One day", I paused to blot my tears.
Caleb and Alexandra drew nearer, giving me back and arm rubs to calm and prod me to continue.
"They had a tremendous binge one day. There was a lot of noise in the house before there was none at all. They left without saying a word to me, didn't return home for two days, and I had no idea where they went. Since I was locked up, I couldn't precisely exit the room. Thank goodness I had some snacks because I was still hungry. However, there were no restrooms. It was terribly horrible since I soiled myself. I started to worry about being confined to my room all day. I was so worried that they might forget me once more and for an extended time. However, I usually secured the door at night since I had a lot of visitors, and I was worried they might break in. At that point, I started crying.
Since I've lived with those emotions for so long, I assumed I had them under control, but I think it felt different to open up to people I care about. Caleb had his hands clenched and looked aside as I spoke as he took it all in, while Alexandra had her lips shut the entire time in amazement. He grunted, "Those fucking assholes. They had no intention of hurting me. I quickly stated that my father was trying to protect me out of his own messed-up head. "No, just no, Julie. Don't support their behaviour. Alex continued that you should have been looked after because you were a youngster.
"I mean, I cared for myself once I was old enough. I avoided them and provided for myself. I was briefly taken from my father and placed in foster care, but they persuaded the courts to let me back. Although I did miss my father, the living situation was difficult, and June, my father's girlfriend, was verbally abusive to both my father and me. She became a little unsettled about it once I had reached physical maturity. Although she didn't act that way, I was nevertheless at my wits' end with them. My father and I got into a heated dispute, and he abruptly left for a few days. I had had enough. I said I merely left him a note, packed a bag's worth of my belongings, and went soon after graduation because I had been saving money from my part-time job.
Many more tales could be told, but there was too much to discuss. At least they could comprehend my triggers when there was fighting, violence, or fear of violence. Why I was picky about who I let into my home and why. What made me seem so submissive and non-confrontational. I suppose these were survival strategies in a sense.
I was afraid when Darius approached because of this. He desired to disrupt my life once more. He expressed his distaste for me. I put myself in his path by simply existing in this community, yet I never spoke up about it. Instead, I would take it upon myself to avoid being seen. If I can help it, I won't even talk to him. Whether you live with a narcissistic junkie or an angry wolf, the fight or flight response is the same. Continuity mode.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Alexandra grabbed me and said, "You're the last person who deserved that. Caleb drew me to him when she had finished with me. "Julie, we don't view you any differently. I am aware that worries you. I respect you. Even if you're a powerful girl, I don't see you differently. He kissed my head, and I held tight because it confirmed what I already knew—you belong with us. He gave me tremendous comfort. Alexandra was, too, but the difference was that he was my safety.
"Having stated that I believe I want to leave the Pack House. I admitted, "I just don't feel at ease there anymore. To glance at me, Caleb released his hold on me. Why do you mean that? He asked, sounding astonished and furious, "You wanna leave town? Not a city, please. Only the home. I'd like not to get in Darius's way. He maintained an unhappy appearance.
But, he said, "It would tear us apart too.
"Nah, it wouldn't. I responded, "I won't be far, just not under the same roof. "Yeah, so we won't spend any more nights in the man cave or having breakfast or dinner at home. He was inconsiderate, "I mean, I just don't see why you should have to uproot your life," he yelled. "I disagree with the wedge I'm trying to drive between you. Caleb, he's your best buddy; don't turn against him right now, I advised him.
His eyes were on me, "If I were just complacent with his actions and decisions, that would feel like I'm turning on you." I experienced it. I sighed and got to my feet, and he did the same. I cleaned the dirt off my bottom and assisted Alexandra in standing up.
In less than two days, Darius will become Alpha. I said, "Whether we like it or not, he will be in charge of all of us.
The wolf would seize control.