Chapter X: The Aftermath
School is over and Kota is still on the Top 10 list, despite being overall happy about this, deep inside, he is depressed. At night, he begins to sleep, however, he recalls the dream he had and Akiko back then. He realizes that the dream already happened. By its context, the hand might be God or the universe in which they are still not supposed to be together.
Vacation is up, and another sad thing about this is that nobody is texting him on what is going on. No one would comfort him at the point, well of course his parents don't know about this since he doesn't want them to see how sad he is. His cousin invites him to go on a trip and he accepts the invite. They go to a place with hilly sceneries and breezy shores. While doing this, he formulates a poem about this:
"Frozen Chains buried in dirt,
Rushing falls over sharp rocks,
Gripped in turmoil, ain't it hurts,
Like throwing yourself like rocks.
Trav'ling over mountain range,
Looks high and cold, makes me stone,
Boulder's off and up no change,
Like breaking up, every bone.
Flattened plains and breezing shores,
Roads like snakes to where it goes,
Sunny skies, to where it bores,
Glooms inside and does not lose.
Thunder roars and lightning strikes,
Might be everlasting rain,
Getting wet on monsoon hikes,
Bamboozled to bore the pain.
Smile outside, broken inside,
Sunny days, to rainy days,
Hoods and jackets means to hide,
Sharp words cut deep like fire blaze.
The flowers and plants may bloom,
Trees may dance, sway in the wind,
All may means to be with gloom,
Means to leave it all behind.
Words like knives, cut deep to bleed,
Hurts like thorns, placed on firmly,
Hades' fire, scorched and heed,
Melt thy chains to move freely.
Forgive me for what I did,
I didn't mean to do it,
My heart's do melt and in greed,
I can't bear to hold a bit.
Texts and hurts may still be at,
I know that you had enough,
Like being 'lone in a flat,
The fact of being so rough.
There are still other girls there,
But why do I feel the same,
Understand and not despair,
In doom, I still feel ashamed.
You were like the one for me,
But now I may just give up,
Life shall I take it badly,
Shan't take what's mine, then don't jump. "
Everyday, he wants to lay on his bed the whole day while he heavily puts the blame and guilt on him about his wrongdoing. Sometimes, he really feels useless since he's sometimes making a nuisance inside the house. One night, he tries to sneak into the kitchen. He pulls out something shiny from the drawer and it turns out, it's a knife. He tries to put it on his wrist. Ever since he was a child, he was really not used to physical pain. At that moment, he thinks of Akiko's devastating words but as soon as he rubs the blade against his wrist, a certain memory comes up to him about his humble grandmother.
"Cherish your life, for you only live once". Tears roll down his cheeks.
"Don't weep anymore my child".
More tears then roll down his cheeks so he puts the knife back into the drawer and retreats back into his room. Although there were no installed cameras inside the house, his mother heard all of this. On rare occasions, his mother would ask him if he's really okay and he responds to her that he's really okay despite the wreckage inside his broken heart.
He sometimes want to text her to improve their connection and to close the gap he made. He tries to text her however, she only sees it and doesn't reply back. By that, he deletes the message. Of course, when she text other guys, she is fine and enthusiastic, but on the other hand, if it's Kota, there's nothing.
After two months, they all go back to school again. There at Class 2-A, he meets her again, good thing that Satou and Asahi are there for him. Arranging and looking for nice seats in the classroom, while waiting for the class adviser, they pull Kota out of his seat and make him seat beside Akiko for a while. At this point, Akiko adjusts a bit. Kota tries to say some words to her but trembles and stutters some. Akiko then pinpoints that this guy haven't even texted her for the whole summer. However, the two might have already understand his predicament since it's not easy to recover from what had happened. Kota thinks of back then that he tried to text her and so he did but she only sees it and won't reply. He says in his mind,
"I did chatted her but she won't respond to what am I saying! I am just avoiding to be clingy to her because I don't want to start a fight again and I think I already have a bad condition in my heart. I only want to heal the gap and find a cure but I don't see a great opportunity for that anymore".
Still looking depressed, Kota goes back to his seat, with Akiko looking at him angrily. Despite her facial expression, she's just hiding the fact that she also feels bad for the guy.
Another day, a teacher makes them an activity where one needs to put a complement about a person and stick it on their backs. These is no limit and it can be many to one, one to many, and one to one and there can be none to one, or many to none if ever. Kota, although feeling down in the dumps, expects that he might receive something from his friends, most especially Akiko. However, despite his expectation, no one hasn't stick something on his back.
"Is it because of my serious appearance? I may look serious outside but likewise I'm approachable and open to anyone. So why? Must they forget me, after all, I'm just a bloody nuisance and extra", he thinks.
Noticing him in this type of state, Asahi feels bad and asks someone if they have another paper. Finally, something is on Kota's back and thanks Asahi for it. Though, still avoiding him, Akiko feels bad for him and wishes to approach him and to give her complement to him but in her mind, she can't actually find the exact words to write and maybe at one point, she may worsen his condition. After recording the performance, the teacher then dismisses them. Kota goes out of the gate with Asahi comforting him. Looking from the main entrance of the school building, Akiko feels pity for the guy despite her avoiding him. She gets interrupted by Hanako and Himari for they will go home together. The sky is filled with darkness. After walking to the dike, the rain then pours on him but luckily there is a shade.
"What should I do? Will there ever be a solution to this? Why has thou forsaken? Everything I did back then would be then considered as useless. Of all the effort I did, is this what I get. Now that I've mention it, I do deserve this", says Kota.
He then looks at the night sky while the rain pours down lightly.