John awoke to sunlight stabbing into his eyes. Groggily, John's eyes opened.
Shit….. Thought John as he looked up at the sun.
When he had gone to sleep, the moon had been at the midpoint in the sky. John had barely slept. That, on top of all the activities John engaged in yesterday, John was dead tired.
Ugh...…
John rolled out of his bed on the truck bed. He grabbed the mattress on the bed and threw it off into the forest.
John sat back down on the truck.
"Take me to Mechna's place," John said
"The Mechna on your contacts?" The truck asked
John nodded.
"Yes. Exactly that."
The car started to drive down the road. John snoozed in the bed of the truck as the car moved.
I need to talk with Mechna about new housing arrangements. John thought to himself as he watched his two dragons fly through the sky above him.
.
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...…
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"There aren't many mansions for rent, you know." Mechna said
John nodded.
"But can you still find one?" John asked
Mechna bit her lip.
"Maybe I'm not sure. I'll talk with some of the real estate people. But if there aren't any, then there aren't any."
John nodded.
"Okay. Thank you."
John turned around and walked out of Mechna's house. His head was bowed to the ground as he walked.
I'm homeless. I need to go back to Barry's house.
Barry's house. It was never John's house to begin with. It was Barry's. Because that was where he died. That was where his life ended, so it was his.
John hailed a truck. He sat down in its bed and set its the location to 'home.`
And then John sat in the bed of the truck with the chant in his mind.
HATE!HATE!HATE!
I HATE ME! I HATE YOU!
I HATE EVERYTHING THAT YOU SAY AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO!
YOUR FATE IS FAILURE!
YOU DON'T DELIVER. YOUR SHIVER! AND SHAKE! AND CREATE HATE!
BLOOD FLOWS FROM YOURS HANDS AND YOUR WALK SALTS THE LAND!
YOU ARE NO WINNER! YOU'RE JUST A SINNER EATING SOULS FOR DINNER.
DON'T TRY TO SPEAK. DON'T TRY TO SAY THINGS THAT YOU WROTE LIKE A ROPE!
DON'T HOLD HOPE! EMBRACE THE ROPE!
CAN IT FUCKING CANNIBAL.
JUST DIE, YOU HUMAN EMBODIMENT OF A LIE!
YOU MUST JUST DIE!
The chant grew. And it grew. The sentences grew longer. It started to rhyme and twist. It struck at John's mind. He could barely breathe. Let alone speak.
Why this? Why now? Why me? What did I deserve to have this roach in my brain? What sin did I commit? Am I evil?
Am I evil?
AM I! AM I! AM I!
John's heart started to thump his chest. His chest hurt. His head hurt. His body throbbed. The wounds from the battle were still hurting him. He was alone. The dragons were in the sky, not near him. He was alone.
SINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSIN
John had always been a bit strange. He had been a lot taller than others. He could barely speak their language, and he was depressingly awkward. His chest thumped with fear when he spoke to others. He didn't know if he was just staring or looking into the distance.
When his head hurt, the world began to feel distant.
CAN IT CANNIBAL!
John couldn't breathe. The concrete block in his throat had expanded, and he couldn't breathe. He was trapped; he was stuck in himself.
How could you touch a woman like that, you creep?
But they were dating. They were dating. It was okay. She had said it was okay....
Wasn't it.
SINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSIN
John's lungs were dry heaving. They were forcefully twitching and squirming for air. The sacs were bursting, and his face was growing blue.
The concrete block was still there. It was still there, and John couldn't breathe.
No one would ever like me. Why am I like this? Why do I sin and sin again and sin again.
MONSTER! MURDERER! YOU END LIVES LIKE OTHERS BEND LIES.
YOU MAKE SINS LIKE THOUGHTS
YOU LOOK AT OTHERS LIKE THEY ARE LESS. LIKE THEY ARE NOT.
YOU TRAP YOURSELF IN A NOOSE OF FALSE CONFIDENCE THAT IS REALLY INSANITY.
THEY ALL HATE YOU!
THEY JUST CAN'T SAY IT TO YOUR FACE BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE MUSCLES TO BREAK YOUR BRAIN!
HATE YOU!
DESERVE TO BE HATED FOR THE WAY THAT YOU SPEAK.
INSANE SO YOU CAN'T SAY IT!
DIE!
Sinner
"YAP!" John's eyes grew blank as he looked off into the distance.
At this point, his face was completely blue. His vision was dancing with dots of darkness. John was trying to breathe. He really was. But he just couldn't force the air through his lungs. The block was blocking it.
This is it. This is my punishment for my crimes. This is what I get for my sins. Air has rejected me. I deserve this.
The spots grew and swarmed and grew some more. They shifted and passed through each other until they reached the greatest size they could. And then. Darkness.
SINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSINSIN
All that remained in John's mind was darkness and the sound of his stilted breathing—the survival instinct against madness. And the instinct was winning.
"Transporting to hospital."
The truck made a full u-turn. And started driving in the opposite direction of where it was supposed to go.
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...…
.......
Bury me, for I killed Barry. I can't say sorry because he's dead. I couldn't even say goodbye. One day, I just woke up, and he wasn't.
World. Please don't hurt me. I don't want to be struck with this past. I don't want to be a sinner.
So land. Why must you force my hand?
John's eyelids opened slowly as if they were lifting mountains.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
The sound was piercing. It beeped over and over in a rhythm. Just waking up to that sound drove John insane.
"YAP!"
"YAP!"
John turned his head to the sound. Sticking their heads through some open windows were two dragons. They looked down at John.
The heroes aren't supposed to help the villains.
That notion usually filled John with joy. But right now, he felt nothing.