"Where were you when Verbena started that in your room?" father questions me in private. We were in his office. I was sure no one was going to buy my crap but what was I supposed to say? Hey your beautiful daughter wanted to violate me because I got engaged to get crush and I decided to turn the tables on her. She even drowned me inside the lake?
The lake, argh, why did I have to think of that Lake? Oh gosh, my first kiss! Who is that demon of a person anyway? How dare he make me feel like I wanted him? Can I actually blame the aphrodisiac when I didn't give in when that handsome Duke wanted me?
"What are you thinking?"
I realised my face was distorting into one of anger but I pushed the thought away. "I am angry because I am still being questioned over what my older sister did on her own accord," I say. He was silent for a while.
"Your manner of talking these days are not good. What happened to respecting your elders?"
I knew he was still sour that I pointed out the fact earlier on. Guess he doesn't like being told the truth. Astoria dear, you have had it rough. What type of a father is this? Even my uncle was a great father, I have to give him that.
"Being pushed makes you do things you never thought you could ever do," I tell him with a shrug.
"See what am talking about, your don't even respect me!" her growled looking at me intimidatingly from his seat. I scoffed in his face. Does he ever listen?
"I don't know if you have heard this father, but respect is a two way traffic," I tell him off.
"Nonsense, what's even traffic?! You respect your elders in this house, and since your are the youngest your respect everybody, no matter what!"
"I don't function like that!"
"Function? You have alot of made up words in your mind huh. But since you live in my house, you live by my rules!" he slammed his table and shot up.
"I can't respect one who wants to harm me," I tell him, my fists clenched at my sides.
"Yes you will," he states firmly.
"Even if they end up killing me?"
"Even if they feed you to the dogs."
Those words froze me for a while. No wonder why Astoria died in the first place. No wonder why I feel a really strong resentful energy from Astoria's conscience.
"You know I don't even understand why you took mother in if you can't stand her title Count Edgar. I don't understand why you bore me if you can't digest in her title. I don't understand why you took her out of the brothel where she was not judged! I don't understand many things. Like why you kept me alive, just to kill me on the inside? You don't name and raise a dog just to kill it, Mr Count. Mother died last year, and I won't buy the 'natural death' shit. You and I very well know she didn't face any natural death!" With that outburst, I was given a tight slap that made me face the other side sharply that I even thought I broke my neck.
"I'll lock you up if you speak nonsense again," he warned me. I laughed, much to his surprise.
"You'll have to slap me again for what am about to say," I tell him. I could see fumes erupting from his ears.
"One more word and I'll kick you out, and I mean it."
"You suck old man, there it is, four words as a bonus," I tell him, my voice low with anger. "I'll just live with my fiance, you are not my everything Count Edgar, you are just a count. I'll be the future Duchess for your information. But just so you know, I have no respect for you nor anyone in this house. I won't lie to you, you don't deserve even the respect of a prostitute's daughter. I'd rather die then to respect you, you can just kill me because I don't care, I don't fucking care Edgar."
I stormed off.
Right now, I should think of where to live. It's already enough that guilt had been chewing onto me mercilessly because of the deaths if Astoria and her mother. But that doesn't mean I will hunt for revenge. Both Shireen and Astoria died pathetically because of two women's jealousy.
And as much this may sound heartless, I shouldn't get involved, because all in all, I am tired of living like this. Hate, pain, revenge, failure and death. Living with anger, living with anxiety, living with the feeling of wanting to kill, living with all negative things? All those are what deprived me of my life in the past, turning me into a zombie.
If I am going to live again, I'll have to live for peace, my own peace. Karma will just come by for them. Fate cannot be rewritten. Am sorry but I just want to be peaceful. Even if I have to force it.
Next morning, even the cold bathing water that was usually dumped into my room was not brought over. As I expected, now I'll just wait to be chased out of not getting murdered. I don't even know how I even slept like a log last night. Maybe I really am done with everything.
Maybe I was actually hoping to be finished off while I was asleep.
How petty of a titled man. I can't even bath before my unclear destination?
It seems as if I hit him hard. I even cussed at him. If I ever survive this, I'll have to laugh at all this one day then.
When I smiled, I felt a sting in my cheek. I removed my veil, by the way I sleep in my veil. Looking at myself in the mirror, I saw that my cheek was swollen from the slap last night. Now that my unusual tan was gone, I could see the reddish purple marks of his fat fingers in my cheek. But that was not all that I noticed.
There it was, a cut on my lower lip. Did he chew off my lips?
I felt the butterflies again.
"He says am beautiful"
Unconsciously, I look at my face, with use of tumeric, honey, aloe vera, flour, tumeric, steam and eggs, it seems I could see improvement. I could be proud of myself now. Those huge ugly pimples were disappearing. And my skin was starting to brighten up.
He says he had seen me before as well.
He says he was the one wrote the letter to me.
He knows too much about me but I know nothing about him. I don't even remember what he said his name was.
Why am I getting hot thinking about him?
Who the fuck is he?!
I have Calix, Calix loves me. The feeling is not mutual but I trust Calix more than a fucking stranger. He might be a villain for all I know. He even stalked me! We are talking about stalking without internet, that my friend, requires too much energy, and he used it. It is always the attractive ones you see. That's why I belive demons are beautiful and enticing, if not, how can they make you sin?
He is trouble.
I will avoid him.