Chapter 35
Shizune couldn't let him be after meeting him a second time. Somehow, over the week, Utakata looked even worse. At this point, Shizune knew he would die. And even though Tsunade told her to leave him be, Shizune couldn't do that. As Tsunade went on her gambling spree, Shizune would check on Utakata. She would bring him food or new clothes, but the next day, she would find the new clothes to be given to someone else.
It irritated Shizune to no end. She only wanted to help him, even when she had to go against Tsunade's wishes. But the boy refused it all. If he didn't look like the wind would snap him in half, Shizune would have beaten him up for his stubbornness. But as stubborn as he was, Shizune wasn't about to give up. As long as she can help, she will help him.
"Do not pity me," Why? Why was his voice so calm? "I don't deserve it. As pathetic as I might look, I am still a monster who killed countless people. Innocent, men or women, I killed them all. They deserve your pity, not me."
"How can you say that?" It angered Shizune how he talked like he had already accepted that he would live like that for the rest of his life. "Then what will you do, mellow in your sorrow and quilt for the rest of your life?"
"Yes," Then it hit Shizune.
"Do you even want to live?"
"No," It all made sense now.
He decided to live like this as punishment for whatever he did. His living conditions could be considered worse than those of prisoners. He starved himself, and he slept on the ground, even in the cold. It was the conditions he set for himself. It was wrong. He didn't look like a bad person and he wouldn't live like this if he hadn't felt remorse for his actions.
"You are an idiot," That's all Shizune could say.
"Do you regret it?" Shizune almost jumped out of her skin when Tsunade appeared out of nowhere and asked the boy.
"I do," Utakata replied, still sitting on the ground and not even looking at them. "I regret many things. But I did it with full knowledge of what I was doing. I made excuses and did it anyway. All so I could live in prosperity. But now, I don't want anything. Does this satisfy your curiosity?"
"Yes, leave him be, Shizune," Tsunade had to drag her away by force.
It frustrated Shizune how calm these people were. Neither Tsunade nor the boy himself seemed to care about themselves. You do not simply find the youngest member of the Seven Swordsmen in the dark alleyway. This whole situation was wrong on so many levels that Shizune didn't even know where she should start.
"I told you not to get involved," Tsunade said as we returned to our inn. "Why do you even care about him? You don't know him."
"I didn't know you either," Shizune replied, anger building up inside her. "But I still chose to come with you."
"Why?"
"Because you were alone, and I knew that Dan wouldn't have wanted you to live like this," Shizune knew that she had said too much, but she couldn't contain himself. "He cared about you and would have hated seeing you like this. Not only are you abandoning yourself, but you are ready to abandon others, too. You are nothing that he used to say about you. You aren't the person Dan loved anymore."
Shizune stormed off after that. She didn't even know what she was doing anymore. All because of some random boy who was probably even more powerful than her master. Did he even need help, or was it her presumption? She didn't have any right to interfere with anyone else's life. And now she has done and got mad and told hurtful things to her master, too.
"She was right. It would be best if you had left me be," Shizune didn't even realize that she had collapsed by the wall outside her inn and that Utakata was standing over her. "What do you expect to do with me? I haven't eaten for over a month, only sustaining myself through the rain. Yet, I am mostly fine. It was probably because of the Tailed Beast inside me. Even if you stabbed me in the chest, I would be fine the next day, too. So, you shouldn't be concerned about me."
"You say that, but you can't even look at your hands," Shizune had noticed how Utakata would hide his hands. At first, she thought nothing of it, as they seemed fine. But she remembered how shaken his eyes were when he looked at his hands when giving Tonton to her. It was the same as when Tsunade saw blood. "You not fine. You are hurt, and I might be a naïve girl who doesn't understand the world. But I know that if I don't do anything to help you, I will regret it."
"Heh," It was the first time Shizune saw him smile. "I came to his country because I thought it would be the safest hiding place. I didn't expect to meet Tsunade Senju, one of the Sannin, and I did it twice. Some might call it fate. And as you would regret not being able to do anything for me, I would regret if you fell out with your master. She cares about you as much as you care about her."
"Don't you have anyone who cares about you?" Shizune asked, hoping that he would give her a positive answer. "Why don't you seek help from them?"
"I did have someone who cared about me," Utakata's smile was a painful one to look at. "He taught me many things. He cared for me and was here for me when I needed him. But I didn't believe it. I thought he was lying and only wanted to use me. I believed it until the moment I killed him. Don't make the same mistake as I did."
"Why don't you come and eat with us?" Shizune would have been a fool if she didn't recognize the cry for help coming from Utakata at that moment. "And not to be rude, you smell badly and are dirty."
"I know," Utakata pushed his messy hair out of his eyes with dirty and long nails. "It is a disguise. I am a famous shinobi, you know. I can't let people recognize me."
"That didn't help much with the Cloud," Tsunade came from the corner. "Just come in and bathe; who knows how many diseases you carry? Then you can have dinner with us."
"I don't want to eat," Utakata didn't look surprised at Tsunade's unexpected appearance. It felt like he already knew she was there.
"You don't want to, or you can't?" Tsunade asked, standing in Utakata's way as he tried to leave. "It makes you sick, doesn't it?"
"You know it well," Utakata wasn't even concerned about it.
"Just come with us, have a bath, and sleep under a roof," Tsunade said with a sigh. "That is the only way you will get rid of Shizune."
"As tempting as it might sound, I will refuse," Utakata was about to walk by when Tsunade punched him in the stomach and knocked him down.
"Tsunade!" Utakata looked so fragile that Shizune thought Tsunade might have killed him with that punch.
"He is fine," Tsunade threw Utakata's body at Shizune. "It is his fault for not listening to me. Wash him up and change his clothes."
Shizune checked Utakata's condition and found that he was only unconscious and already stirring up. Without waiting for him to wake and refuse their help, Shizune carried him to her room and prepared a bath. She was a bit embarrassed to undress Utakata, but she was trained well to dismiss discomfort while dealing with patients.
"You people are insane," Utakata said as he woke up as Shizune put him into the water.
"Well, you should have listened to us," Shizune said as she tried to hide her embarrassment. "Anyway, since you are awake, clean yourself while I prepare you new clothes."
What was she doing? Shizune asked herself again. Instead of thinking about it, she quickly went to look for new clothes. Good thing she has already bought a nice light blue kimono and was going to give him it anyway. Setting it at the bathroom door, Shizune left him to be, believing he would join them once he was done.
"How was he?" Tsunade asked as Shizune got to the table in their room.
"There weren't any injuries, and he looked fine apart from being too thin."
"Are you satisfied now?" Tsunade asked.
"I am sorry for what I said," Shizune bowed her head before her master. "I shouldn't have said it. But Utakata reminded me of you too much."
"I never was as bad as him," Tsunade denied, but Shizune knew better.
"Maybe not as bad, but similar."
Shizune was relieved that Tsunade had forgiven her for what she had said so quickly. She didn't mean to say those things. She knew how much Tsunade loved Dan and how much his death affected her. And Shizune knew that Tsunade was worried about her, so she took her as she left the village. Shizune couldn't imagine life without Tsunade now.
"Are you done examining me?"
Utakata walked out of the bathroom, surprising them with how different he looked. His long brown hair draped over his shoulders. His skin was pale, and if he wasn't so thin, Shizune was sure he would look like a handsome young man. His pale golden eyes only added to the mystique around him. Now, wearing the light blue kimono Shizune gave him and a pipe around his neck, he looked like another person.
"You shouldn't have bothered," Utakata said as he sat beside them. "Because of the Tailed beast inside me, I can heal from most injuries in minutes. Even if you stabbed me through the chest, I would be fine the next day."
It wasn't something Shizune wanted to hear. It sounded like he had tested it himself. And that wasn't reassuring to Shizune. Even at the lowest, Tsunade never thought of harming herself, and from the way Utakata spoke, it sounded like that was all he thought about. It made Shizune sick in her stomach.
"There is something disturbingly wrong with you," Tsunade commented, probably feeling the same way Shizune felt. But she didn't have to say it so directly. It made Shizune embarrassed for her master.
"Who isn't?" Utakata asked, like it was obvious. "I could say the same to you. Aren't you Shinobi of the Leaf? Rather than capturing or reporting me, you want to take care of me. That would sound disturbing on many levels if anyone heard of it."
"Don't be mistaken, I wouldn't care a bit whatever happens to you," Tsunade replied, not in the slightest concerned about Utakata. "Be thankful that Shizune is too kind for her good; otherwise, you would still be on the streets waiting for someone to kill you. And I only allowing it because I am Shinobi of the Leaf. I must keep my eyes on you so you don't do anything."
"Heh, you should," Utakata seemed relieved hearing Tsunade's words. "I am not fine. How could I? I am tired, but I can't sleep as nightmares torment me every night. I am starving, but just imagining eating anything makes me sick. And most importantly, I am lost. I have no idea what I should do now. All I know is how to fight and kill. I never learned anything else. But maybe the hot water got to my head and made me crazy to ask you for a favor."
"A favor?" Tsunade asked, intrigued.
"I want to learn how to save people rather than kill them," Utakata said. "Teach me your healing techniques."
"Has the hot water boiled your brain or something?" Tsunade laughed at Utakata like he was mad. "You do realize that those techniques are very valuable for the village, and if someone found out that I taught them to you, I would be in real trouble, even if I am a Senju."
"Firstly, it is not the village's techniques," Utakata countered, and Shizune suddenly felt out of place. "It is your technique. Secondly, I didn't ask you to do it for free. I have information that would interest your Hokage."
"I probably shouldn't be surprised that you would betray your village after leaving it," Tsunade replied with a sigh, as she knew she couldn't reject the offer no matter how much trouble it might cost.
"It is only partially about my village. Before I say anymore, I want your promise that no one but you and your Hokoge will hear of it and won't share it with anyone else."
"Shizune, leave us," Tsunade ordered, as she knew how serious it could be.
Shizune listened to her master but was still angry that she wasn't trusted with it. She felt like she was a burden for her master when she was treated like this, even though she knew why she couldn't listen to it. If the information is so valuable, it would put her in danger for knowing it. Leaf itself might consider her as a risk from knowing it. The shinobi world was cruel and unforgiving like that.
…
Whatever Utakata told Tsunade, it was enough for her to accept Utakata's conditions and start teaching him just like she taught her. That to say, she left for gambling and left Utakata in Shizune's care. Utakata didn't seem disappointed and was learning earnestly from her. It was a bit hard to teach him either because, as he said, he knew nothing about healing techniques.
It surprised Shizune how clumsy Utakata was sometimes. It surprised her as much as to learn that he was seventeen. Maybe because he looked so sickly and thin, Shizune thought he was fifteen at most. Even though two years weren't much, it still made Shizune treat Utakata as an adult, not as a kid. So, it wasn't surprising to see how much dedication he put into learning healing techniques, even though, at the start, he barely could do anything.
"I never saw jutsu like this," Shizune confessed as she saw Utakata blow high-volume bubbles from his pipe. "Bubbles made with chakra. Where did you learn it?"
"My master said the Second Mizukage created it," Utakata replied, seeming happy remembering those days but also sad. "But it was only half done before he died, and then it was left to my master. But he didn't have the capabilities to continue it, and so it was left to me. I have neglected it as I thought it wouldn't be strong ninjutsu. But now I thought it was the perfect time to continue learning it."
As months passed, Shizune saw how much Utakata was growing. His patience and dedication were impressive; he was a genius in many ways. Not only did his strength grow, but he also looked a lot better than before. It wasn't easy at first. Even now, he can't eat anything solid and struggles to sleep. But Tsunade seemed to be familiar with these symptoms and helped Utakata greatly.
Firstly, she mixed various herbs with water so Utakata could gain the necessary nutrition and regain his muscle mass. It was a slow process, but it was better than nothing. And even though Shizune could hear his screams every night he went to sleep, Tsunade taught him meditation to help him relax. Still, Shizune didn't like that Utakata had to get drunk to sleep well.
What was most important to Shizune was that her actions bore fruit. Even though she was acting like a naïve girl, she managed to help Utakata. She felt validated in her actions, seeing how well Utakata was nowadays. And it was surprisingly fun to have someone else to learn as sometimes she felt lonely only being with Tsunade.
A.N. As always, If you want more, up to seven advanced chapters, you can support me on pa treon. com \ ironwolf852. And if you have any requests for stories, I will only take them on my pa treon.