After a quick trip to the bathroom to check her makeup, it won't hurt to look at least a little pretty for him, she headed out to the porch to try and mend fences with her son.
She paused at the glass sliding door, he was still sitting there slumped over, mumbling to himself. She opened the door a bit. "Honey come inside please."
No response.
"Fine I will come out there," she said.
Outside on the porch, she stood next to him for a quiet moment and when he would not acknowledge her presence she tried ruffling his hair—he had always liked when she did that—but apparently not now. As soon as she touched him he jerked away snapping, "Don't touch me."
He was not going to engage in any sort of conversation with her but after observing the way she was dressed, some kind of dark button up shirt with no pants and knowing how she didn't like being cold, he was actually starting to feel sorry for her, especially after she shivered mumbling under her breathe, "Jesus after such a warm day now it's so cold tonight."
"Go inside. I will be in in a minute."
"No you won't. I can always tell when you are lying. I am your mother and you are just saying that to get rid of me. I am staying out here as long as it takes."
"As long as what takes?" he asked knowing he shouldn't have taken the bait but unable to help himself.
"Until you are ready to hear my confession."
"What confession?"
"The one I need to make. I will tell you no more about it. You will just have to hear it. Now are you ready?"
"No, not really and probably won't be for hours. I just want to sit the fuck out here . . . maybe all night."
"Then I guess I will sit the fuck out here next to you all damn night myself . . . and freeze my tits off."
He shook his head. She just had to draw attention to her tits didn't she? "Mom go inside, please. We will talk tomorrow. Promise."
"Yet another lie. No, it's important you hear what I have to say . . . now." She reached out to grab his hand. He tried to yank it away but she was persistent.
After squeezing his hand tight, she moved her chair closer. Dropping her voice to a low whisper she said, "Please Jimmy. I need to make this confession and you need to hear it. It's important. If you can't do it for me do it for your father. It's the anniversary, it's been one year today since he died."
After a long pause he quietly said, "Go ahead then. I am listening. I guess I didn't realize this was the day."
Alyssa took a moment to arrange her thoughts. She needed to pick her words carefully. "Me and your father started dating when we were both in junior high. We were so in love with each other it wasn't even funny. Then in high school I got pregnant with you. I dropped out and we got married and the rest, as they say, is history."
"Yeah, I kind of know all that Mom . . . well except for I didn't know you started dating in junior high."
"Yeah, we did. Now this is the real important part so listen closely. He is the only man I have ever been with . . . you know sexually. He was all I ever wanted or needed honey. When I was a sophomore and he was a junior after we made love for the first time, we were both virgins, we made a sacred vow."
She paused, squeezing his hand tighter. "What was it?" he asked quietly.
"To never be with another person . . . forever . . . even if one of us was to . . . to, you know, pass early for whatever reason. Of course, when you are young like that you can't imagine dying for any reason. We figured to grow old and grey together meaning by the time one of us finally died the other would be so old anyways sex wouldn't really matter."
Now it was his turn to squeeze her hand tight. "But it didn't turn out that way," Jimmy said.
"No, not at all." She took a deep breath. "I have kept that vow, Jimmy and want to keep it but it's hard, baby. Really hard because your mother misses sex--"
"Mom," he said interrupting her, "you sure you want to tell me all this? You don't have to."
"Yes I do. Now let me finish my full confession." Her voice possessed a rough edge to it indicating she was deadly serious. He shut his mouth and after a minute she started to talk again.
"Those cam shows you hate so much, besides paying the bills, they are a release of sorts for me. When I am masturbating for whoever during a show you know I am thinking of your father and that is what gets me off and gets me paid. But tonight was different and I need to tell you why I was late and you need to listen with an open heart but can we please go inside."
Sensing they were on the verge of something special, Jimmy allowed himself to be led inside and over to the sofa. Once inside the living room, he could see she was wearing one of his dad's old hunting shirts.
"You have on dad's shirt. The one he used to go hunting in all the time?" He almost added, and you aren't wearing a fucking bra either. She had left just enough buttons undone at the top of the shirt to make this fact patently obvious.
Yeah, I know it's silly but wearing it makes me feel closer to him. Anyways now we are ready so here my confession. Please just listen, no questions."
He nodded his head OK.
"I was going to do my usual tonight toward the end of the show and make myself have an orgasm by masturbating while thinking of your father. I had the whole thing arranged to try and time my orgasm right at midnight in honor of the anniversary, but then I decided I didn't want to share his memory with a stranger . . . not tonight so I cut the show short a few minutes before midnight. I stripped so I was completely naked and then lit a whole bunch of candles. We used to both enjoy making love by candle light. I crawled into bed after checking the time. It was 11:51. I had nine minutes to get myself off. I set my phone to record as a sort of sexy keepsake so later on I could play back my orgasm. I tend to get loud when I get worked up honey."
"Yeah, I know," he said before he could stop himself.
"Hmm, so you do listen to me sometimes," she said giving him a mischievous smile that only grew more mischievous as his face started to flush beet red. "It's OK baby, it's only natural you being curious and listening."
"Yeah, I guess," he mumbled as he wondered just where all this was leading.
"So after a bit of foreplay where I was softly fingering myself and playing with my big titties I got worked up enough to start fucking myself silly with my favorite large dildo, thinking of him, and was almost there when my phone started buzzing."
She paused to look at him seriously saying nothing more. When she continued to say nothing he finally figured out what she wanted.
"I guess that was when I called you. I had come out to the living room to meet you, like we agreed, and you weren't there."
"I don't blame you but I was just about there. I didn't bother to check the phone. I knew it was you. I just didn't want to take the time because I was still on fire . . . down there. So I ignored it and went back to work, you know, and was almost there again when about maybe three or four minutes later my phone started to chirp. My impatient son was texting me this time and again ruined my chance to have an orgasm."
"Mom I'm sorr--" He wanted to apologize even though he could scarcely believe she was telling him all this.
"Shhh," she said putting a finger to his mouth. "Just listen." She pulled out her phone. "This is my recording. After your text. Please listen real close honey to your mother. Just give me a minute to find the important part."
She brought the phone to her ear listening it for a minute then gave him a half smile before setting the phone down on the coffee table with the volume turned up.
He first heard the sound of the sheets rustling in her bed and then her heavy breathing along with some more rustling of the sheets. He leaned in listening closer. He could hear her actually panting for a good minute before she started to whisper just barely loud enough for him to hear.
"Oh God, honey . . . that feels so good. Oh you are doing so good baby. I like that . . ." There was a brief pause before he heard the words. Words which would burn down his entire world, louder this time, "Mommy likes that baby. Oh come on, Jimmy you are going to make me come huh . . . oh just like that . . ."
Her voice was rising, the rustling noises growing louder, "Oh God Jimmy, fuck me harder . . . harder baby!"
She clicked off the recording and was staring at him. His mouth was hanging open. His poor heart was racing so hard he thought he might being having a fucking heart attack.
"Yes, I switched my fantasy of being fucked by your father to being fucked by you. I didn't do it on purpose. It just happened honey. Now you have to understand something, before you pass judgement." She reached out gathering both of his hands into hers.
"You remind me so much of him. Your thick brown hair, your soft hazel eyes, the shape of your cheekbones, even the arc of your nose . . . it's all so similar to his. Your quiet, shy demeanor, the intense jealousy you feel over me, how you show that jealousy with sarcastic little comments is just like him. The way you fawn over me, always putting my happiness first, the way you look at me, with so much love and, yes, desire. I'm not just your mother but a woman and I fully understand these things. Now add to the mix we are both sort of trapped here. You by the virus and me because of by my vows."
She stared at him, her eyes watering, before she finally finished by whispering, "We both only have one release honey. You must understand that?"
He shook his head yes, before whispering, "I think maybe I do."
She got to her feet. Turning to look at him she reached down with one hand to brush her hand lightly across his cheek. "Do you love your mother, Jimmy?"
"Yes, more than anything in this world."
She found his hands and helped pull him to his feet. "Follow me," she said simply.
"We are we going?" he asked numbly as he allowed himself to be led across the living room.
"To your mom's bedroom." She turned to face him. "Last night I wanted you in my bed because I was dizzy from the wine, but tonight I don't want you in my bed . . . I need you in my bed . . . badly. I need your love, baby. Your mother can't take being alone anymore."