Of all the types of fathers Nico had pictured himself being.
The sports dad, having baby sized sporting gear made just the baby could dress like him on game days. The playful dad, not afraid to jump into a muddy field and chase their kid around. The health conscious dad, reading every label and concocting baby food recipes The competitive dad, always bragging about his kid to other people.
Those were the fathers Nico saw when he thought of his future self.
Never in a million years did he think he would be an absent father.
Absent, just thinking the word made a shame well up within him.
Gianna had been gone for a month and there was still no sign of her. With each day that passed, her pregnancy progressed. The chances of the baby been born and then growing up without him getting greater.
At first he had cursed Gianna, cursed her and the entire bloodline and whatever hole they had come from. It had been Andre who had made him see things in a different light. Tired of Nico snapping at them as the weeks had gone by.
"You were going to take her baby, Nico, she did what any mother worth their salt would have done," Andre had given him a look like he was a wet behind the ears child who thought they knew everything.
"You make it seem like I would not have compensated her heavily. She would not have wanted for anything for the rest of her life," Nico had said, crossing his arms defensively.
"If that were so, why not tell her the moment she was pregnant, or even before, that you planned to take the baby?" The question had left Nico stumped, not because he did not know the answer, but because he did. Andre, in just a few words, had proven why he was consigliere, leaving Nico to think on it, and think on it Nico had. The truth he had been denying finally exposing itself.
He had stayed silent all along because he had known deep down that Gianna was not that type of person. She cared too much to treat any child of hers like a quick buck. Add to that the fact that she had truly believed that she could not have children and…oh.
For the first time Nico had seen how it must have looked from her side.
To be told you can never have children of your own. Then to get the shock of your life, a whole little person growing inside you. The one thing that you had told yourself not to hope for, and it was suddenly there, yours to love and cherish.
And then to have a piece of paper tell you that you were nothing more than a walking incubator. That your baby would be taken from you as soon as the umbilical cord was cut. Despite her shock at being pregnant, Gianna had loved the baby instantly. Nico had seen it in the way she cradled her still flat stomach. It had been obvious even in the mornings, Nico would fake being asleep. Watching her from beneath hooded eyes and she would be smiling softly. Her fingers tracing shapes over her stomach, lightly, softly, like the baby was sleeping and she did not want to wake them. He had seen all that maternal love and he had still kept the custody papers.
From that angle, Gianna running away had made perfect sense. Nico, at the thought of not getting to meet his child was moving heaven and earth in his search. No matter how long it took he would never stop looking. And yet he had intended to do the same thing to Gianna.
To make him feel even worse about what he had done. Nico had dug into Gianna's past, trying to find if there was anyone she could have run to. He had found no such person, but he had found out something that had made him feel worse than he already was.
Santino Alonso, once upon a time, had placed a bet with Gianna as the prize. He had all but sold her, and Nico, in his foolishness had wanted her to do the same to their child.
He could not even bring himself to try and imagine what she must have been feeling when she had read the custody agreement. Had it dredged up old memories, taking her back to a time where being sold had nearly become a reality for her?
Taking all of that into account made Nico feel small, useless. Like he had failed as a father before he had even begun.
Where she was acting out of fear of losing the baby, he had acted out of selfishness. Letting past experiences rule in a situation where they had no place popping up.
Gianna was approaching the end of her first trimester of pregnancy now, and since the epiphany, Nico's efforts to look for her had quadrupled.
Not to fight or threaten her, but to apologize. She had been woman enough to own up to her deception and try to fix things. But he had been too much of a coward, too angry at being lied to admit that he had not been one hundred percent honest with her either. Now it was time for him to take responsibility and ask for forgiveness.
Perhaps the universe had been waiting for him to come to that conclusion before handing him a life line. Several days after he realized how badly he must have hurt Gianna, and with his rage completely gone, Nico was in his office, still searching for her, while trying to get some work done at the same time. He was going through images of people matching Gianna's description. When the faces began to blur, he turned his attention to reviewing the business profits of the month before. He was just about to go through a revenue page when his phone rang and he unearthed it from beneath a pile of papers. The name on the screen said Lorenzo, and Nico answered with a heavy heart. He expected it to be a routine check-in, instead, he got the words he had been hoping to hear since the moment Gianna vanished. Words he had been hoping to hear every day in the six weeks she had been gone.
"Boss, I have found her," Five words, five simple words and if felt like Nico had just had life breathed back into him.
He stood, papers flying everywhere as he grabbed his coat. The guards at the door turned at his hasty exit but Nico waved them off, headed to the garage at a brisk pace, phone to his ear, listening as Lorenzo gave the location, and described what he could make out from a distance.
"Should I go in a bring her? She has not noticed me yet. It would be a simple in and out job," The other man's suggestion made sense, but instead of agreeing right away, Nico paused from where he pulling on his seatbelt.
It really was the logical choice, the best choice, Lorenzo was already there. He could bring Gianna to Nico, unharmed and he could take over from there. But the thought did not sit well with the don. He had to see Gianna for himself, had hold her in his arms and make sure she was fine, that the baby was fine.
"No need, I will come for her myself," There was a pause on the other end of the line.
"It is five hours away boss," Lorenzo said, the shock in his voice clear.
"Then I will make it in four," Nico said, the car purring as it came to life. To get to Gianna he would take obeying the speed limit as optional. If his lawyers could not get him out of a few speeding tickets then it would be time for him to look for replacements.
"Sure thing, boss, I will be keeping an eye out until you arrive," Nico might have been mistaken, but he could have sworn Lorenzo said the title with more respect than he usually did.
Shaking his head, Nico let the thought go, he had more important things to think about. He gripped the steering wheel, eyes on the road as he sped up.
In a few hours he would be seeing Gianna again. He hit the wheel a few times, his excitement, joy and worry too overwhelming.
The longer he drove, the more he settled down, the darkness that had been swirling around him fading. He was going to get his Gianna, and together, they would get to watch their child grow.
"Do not worry, Gianna, I will be there soon,"