Fleur's POV:
It's been a whole week since I've actually talked to Fillip. He barely comes down for food and does not want me to serve him anymore, so Nina brings his food to the office. Fillip is busy, which is why we don't see him. At least that is what Nina says; he has work.
Well, we have been avoiding each other, haven't we? I am pretty sure of It. I mean, the man just gave me the best kiss of my entire life, and I stopped him from going further. How I feel about that, I don't know.
I can't even talk to Fillip anymore; I can't face him. I was never like that; I needed to face him as much as possible and make him hate me, which worked with every other person Alberto has ever thrown at me. Just not him, and I can't understand why. I can't understand him.
I wanted to run away, and I still do. I still have faith that maybe I will find my sister. I couldn't do it alone, though. I know it, but maybe he could help me. I have been thinking about it for a long time now. Men like him; they use you, but he doesn't. He gave me a reason to stay, and I hate him for it. It's like he's tearing me apart, and I don't know what to do about it. Today I decided I would finally talk to him for the first time in a week. You can't keep running away, can you? I had to face him anyway. I don't really care that I'm asking him for a favour; I mean, at least I am going to try and talk to him. Not him, though; we kiss once, and it's as if I had told him I was pregnant.
"Where are you going?" Nina asked me as she prepared Fillip's coffee tray that she served him every day at about 12 p.m.
"I'm going to talk to Fillip; got a problem?" I asked innocently, shrugging.
"Not at all." Nina winked, going back to whatever Agnes assigned her to do. When I got shot in the leg, Fillip did not allow me to work, and when we got back from LA, Agnes insisted I work. The bitch honestly. Fillip agreed with her just to get her away from him, so now I just serve the table three times a day. No garden work or anything Agnes decides to throw at me. I think it was because Fillip told her to go easy on me; either that or she suddenly grew conscious, which I probably don't think she did, so it's the former.
I knock on the door when I arrive at his office, expecting an answer. He's supposedly there at this time. He usually goes out at night. I guess men like him only work at that time. Instead, I hear muffled voices from the inside, but I cannot really make anything out since the door is made of thick, rich wood. I just assume that he's with Leo or Christian working, so I just open the door. I froze.
He was kissing another woman.
He was kissing another woman.
His hands were moving around her body like they did mine; her body was trapped between him and the wall as his back was facing me. "You taste fabulous."
I can't breathe. I need to get the hell out of here.
Thank goodness they didn't notice me as I left. I rush back to the kitchen, feeling disoriented. I feel like I want to throw up. He told her she...what he told me, the way he did with me, touched her like he did with me. I felt tears fighting to drop from my eyes, but I couldn't, not now. While rushing back to the kitchen, I bumped into a hard body, definitely not Nina.
"Fleur, are you okay?" Leo's gentle tone asked, and his hand held my shoulder. "Where are you coming from?" he added as he looked behind my back. A single 'oh' left his mouth as he probably realised I saw Fillip with that woman.
I don't even care if he kissed another woman, not like I didn't know he would, not after I stopped us from going any further. It's the way he did it and the words he told her. He made me feel so special that night, different from every man who has kissed me for the past 6 years. I finally felt human, like I could be cherished, and that was with him, but this too can't last. I wasn't that special that night; I was like every other woman that he had in his office—same words, same movements, different body, a different person to use.
Every word these men would say in their basements is repeated in my head right now. Thrown at me like bricks, weighing me down, I fought so hard not to believe them. I was not what they said. A whore, a slut, and every other thing, but that's what he's making me feel right now. Pretty damn different from a week ago.
I can't believe I was that stupid. I thought he didn't use me. Stupid enough to think he gave me something to stay for. Thinking he would actually help me find my sister, all these things. I was so blind. I was so blind when I should have known that all the things he did for me—taking me with him to LA and buying me all the things he did—were just to use me. Just like all the women that visit him in his office. I hate him.
"Fleur, okay, listen, it's not-"
"What I think? Ok, Leo, it's not, but you know what? I'm not going to ask you what it is because, trust me, there is no other explanation. And I couldn't give two fucks if he was with another woman or kissing her. I care about myself, so get the hell out of my face."
He does without another word, regret evident on his face. I have no idea what he was so gutted about—me finding out or him not doing his job of guarding Fillips's office right.
When I get back to the kitchen, Nina is done with his coffee tray, her job in the kitchen, and is about to take the tray up to him.
"Give me that tray, will you?" I asked her
"why?"
"I'm serving Fillip today; is there a problem with that?"
"Not at all; suit yourself. I'm going to my room; come by when you're done."
I met Leo on my way to Fillip's office again. Actually, he was at the door this time. He looked at me sceptically; I shrugged in return, knocking on the door, and Fillip told me to enter.
He's looking through some papers. "Nina, finally, I needed—" he stops immediately when he sees me. "Fleur, what are you doing here?"
"I'm serving you your coffee," I say, moving towards his desk.
"I thought I made it clear I only wanted Nina to serve me."
"Yes, you did," I tell him coldly, and he looks at me confused.
I slammed the tray on his desk, and some of the coffee spilled on his oh-so-important document. Well, I couldn't really care. Fillip sits straighter in his chair, his eyes going wide. "What the fuck is that?" He's got the nerve to ask.
"Serve yourself, Fillip." I push the tray a bit, and more coffee spills on the papers. He stands up, but I don't wait for him to talk, and I walk out of the office anyway. Leo looks at me scared, probably for my life, but really, right now I am too mad to care. I walk into the kitchen, and some of the girls—thank goodness no Agnes—are already starting to prepare for lunch, picking out what the men will eat and all, so I stand with them silently. I was trying to get my mind off stuff, but that wasn't working, and all I could think of was how unreal that kiss was and how I was just another whore.
"Everyone, out right now," Fillip's low voice said, interrupting the girls' small chatter and discussion. My head snaps up to look at him, and he's angry. "You stay." He says it simply while looking at me. The problem was that it was not as simple as it sounded. The girls all look at me, some with concerned stares just like Leo's, and some with jealous stares. I have no idea what the fuck they are jealous of, but alright.
The moment they are outside, Fillip walks into the room. Well, I'm not suicidal, really; I was not about to stay here, so I tried to leave from the kitchen door that leads to the gardens, but it was locked. "Fuck."
"Not so fast, sweetheart." Fillip's voice makes me shake on the inside as he comes to stand behind me. I get the same feeling I got when I was kissing him that night in my stomach, and it's annoying that he has that effect. My back is sticking to his front while he breathes heavily on my neck, making me shiver a little. That's when I try my luck once more with the door, but it won't open. He obviously had someone lock it before he came in here. His hand rests firmly on my shoulder. "Now turn around like a good girl and talk to me." It's clear this is not a request, but I am not doing it anyway.
"No."
"Fleur, if you don't have any sense of realisation whatsoever, let me tell you. I'm fucking angry, so turn the hell around." It takes a few seconds, and I was actually complimenting the idea of walking past him, which is not really possible with his body blocking my surroundings and trapping me. "What the fuck was that in the office?"
"Get away from me."
"Fleur, don't do this. What the fuck was that?" he asks again.
"Me? I'm the one doing this?"
"Answer me, Fleur. I am not going to repeat myself."
"You want to know? Well, I hate you, Fillip." His face looked shocked at me. "You think I am just one more of your whores; take me to LA and make me feel like a human for the first time in my entire life, but that's exactly what you say to every woman who you kiss in your office, yeah? You do the same routine with each one of them—just another woman. I hate you, Fillip, and I hate that I thought you were different from any man I have been sent to because you are worse. At least they knew what they wanted, and they took it. You are a deceiver and an amazing actor. I will give you that and a fucking snake, so get the fuck away from me." By the end, I'm yelling while hitting him on the chest, trying to make him move away.
"Stop." I don't; I hit him harder because that feels better than trying to look into his eyes, remembering that kiss, or remembering the woman he was kissing in his office, telling her the same words. It's better than thinking that I'm a horrible human being. It's better to feel all that energy leaving me as I continue my sad attempt to make him move away.
"You make me feel sick."
"Fleur stop."
"You stop this. Get the hell away from me and just let me go."
"You're not going anywhere, Fleur." He declared while looking down at me coldly as I continued to try and push him.
"I hate you, Fillip. I really do." I hit harder. When he gets fed up with me, he holds my hand in front of his chest, stopping me from going on, so I stop struggling against his grip.
"I said stop."
"I don't care." I take him by surprise when I hit his chest, suddenly making him move backwards. I sprint out of the kitchen; my victory was short-lived, though, as he is already behind me, holding my arm. Strongly, he pulls me back the few feet I had on him, and I am slammed into his chest. Forced to look up at him as he tried to contain his furious breathing while his nose flared. Some of the maids that were waiting outside are watching now, and the guards at their posts are staring at us.
"All of you out of here; I don't care where the fuck you go. OUT." Fillip yelled at everyone while he stared into my own eyes, making me flinch from how hard he was screaming. They listened to his orders, and now the whole dining table, vast living room, and kitchen are empty.
"You need to stop this shit, Fleur. Or I will." His hand tightened around mine.
"You are a horrible person, Fillip." No matter how hard I try to pull my arm away, he is just stronger.
"Already know that. You still aren't going anywhere, and it's none of your business who I am with or who I kiss."
"YOU STILL DON'T GET IT?!"
"Don't yell, Fleur." He has the audacity to be calm.
"YOU THINK I AM ONE OF THEM?" I continue to scream anyway: "You think I'm one of these women who's going to get jealous because of you?" I say, slamming my finger into his chest. "You flatter yourself, Fillip; you aren't even a person worth living with. If you think I'm one of those people you can fool with your nice words and kisses, then you're wrong, Fillip, and that's what's going on. Now fucking let go of my hand."
He stares at me, jaw flexed, his eyes searching me with anger while literally drilling holes into my body. The storm is back. Raving it was, as the grey of his eyes darkened. "You flatter yourself too, Fleur; that kiss meant nothing."
When he said those words, my arm straining against his hand went limp, and my body suddenly ran out of energy. I heard the gunshot in our cabin; this time it was aimed at my own heart. He was every man who ever fucked me; his eyes were no longer something to marvel at, trying to solve the mystery behind them. Because there it was now, clear as day, hatred in his eyes. Manipulation, every second of it, and I didn't realise it. I was busy being attracted to him. Well, it's all gone now—the fondness that was starting to grow between us. Every bit of it is gone.
"I hate you," I say one last time as I snatch my hand from his, my voice cracking, and I hate that it does. I hate that he sees how much his words affect me. Just like all their words did. I guess I was wrong because I'm nothing special and he's truly no different than them. From everything that I heard about him, he is indeed a monster—a ruthless one. A man so full of hate, pain, and fury at this world that he has to inflict it on everyone around him. But he was the man I fell for...and that was painful.
I didn't deserve to be used that way—to be used for his amusement and as a way to forget. I didn't deserve this.
I walk away and up to Nina's room; she's sitting on her large bed, lights out, and watching some Netflix movie. She looks at me smiling and says, "So what took you-" She squints her eyes, examining my face. "What the fuck did he do now?" she asked angrily.
"Nothing, Nina, forget it," I say, moving to the bed and sitting down, closing my eyes. A tear drops from my eye and falls down my face.
"Oh, not at all." She starts to get up, but I stop her again.
"It doesn't matter, Nina; please let it go," I tell her, and she looks at me and her face turns into one of sympathy.
"Oh, sweetheart, whatever he did, he doesn't deserve you." She says hugging me, and we watch the movie together until I fall asleep in her arms on her bed. I don't know what I would do without her.
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Fillip's POV:
(Now guys, listen to save your tears.)
Lies. Every word that came out of my mouth was just a stab to my own heart like it was to hers; it killed me a thousand times as it did her because that kiss meant everything, but she can't know that. I had to say what I said because, whatever that was between me and her, it shouldn't be a possibility or something she would think of.
While kissing that woman, whose name I can't even remember, the only thing I could think of was Fleur. I was just picturing her, her body touching mine; it was all her. She was still in my space, uninvitedly invading it, and that was the only way I could get her off my mind, or at least that's what I thought. Because when I told that woman she tasted fabulous, she didn't; she absolutely didn't, and all I was thinking of was Fleur.
I couldn't even open my eyes and look at her because if I did, it would all be ruined. The little fantasy I was having of kissing Fleur over and over again would be gone, destroyed, and I couldn't have that. I would go insane because of it, but I still couldn't put Fleur through what it would be like to be with someone like me.
This is me taking her choice away from her, like all the men before me did, but I had to. Just one person actually knowing I care about her whatsoever, she's gone, and I can't live with that. Not after I lost Marie, not after hiding things in my life from everyone else, I can't get another person I care about killed. She had to hate me, and it had to be evident to everyone that she did. I'm sure that will work out just great; after the way I treated her just now, she officially can't stand me, and I can't stand myself either.
She leaves, going upstairs. I'm sure she goes to Nina's room. She's going to tell her everything that just happened, and Nina will come screaming at me like usual. Tell me I'm pushing away the only person that actually has the potential to like me, and I will sigh, roll my neck, look up from my papers deadpan, and tell her to get out, just like every time. She will listen to me, but not before making me feel worse than I already am.
And then there will be Leo with his silent looks judging me even when I'm not staring back at him; his eyes will be screaming at me to get up and go talk to Feur like they always do, and I will ignore him and walk away from him, from Fleur, and from life because I can't face it anymore. No matter how I try to show that I don't care, I don't have the energy to face it anymore. I don't have the will or the power to care about anything else that could get taken away. I was wrong because I actually thought I was strong enough to have her, but I guess I'm letting her go, and that's for the best. Call me a coward, but I call it being careful. There are enough things a person in my place could lose already; she wasn't about to be one of them. The question is, will I let her go before it's too late, or will we be in too deep to do so? I don't know.