"I don't remember ever seeing these before." He whispers.
Clearing my throat has him backing away from me and I immediately sit up and enter the bathroom. I turn the hot water on and hop in, preparing myself for his apology and rejection.
When I hear him enter the shower, I'm facing away from him, about to say something when his arms wrap around my waist. He holds me close, doesn't say anything, just holds me. I don't know why but it's making my skin crawl. The comfort, the wanting of it and the self loathing for being weak and dependent on that need.
I push his hands away from me and take a step farther away. "I just need a minute."
He doesn't say anything but leaves the bathroom. I wash myself, taking my time and swear when I get out of the shower, I hear the front door shut.
I look in the mirror and sigh. I knew this was coming. I was just a hook up, just sex. All those sweet words and amazing sex... it was just for sex.
Then why does it hurt so bad? I can't stop the tears and I don't try to. I will myself to enter my bedroom that I know is going to smell like him and us. That thought just allows another knife to enter my gut.
The light is off now. How considerate of him.
I don't bother getting dressed, I just crawl into my bed that's still warm from us. I hear a sound coming up the stairs and quickly sit up. Did he leave my door unlocked? Is it a home invader? Am I being robbed? He didn't forget something and come back did he?
When I see his familiar figure walk through my bedroom door in just his slacks, a box in hand, I'm surprised to say the least.
"You... You... You're still here?" I stutter in confusion as he makes his way to the other side of the bed.
He sets the box down and takes his slacks off before climbing back in. "Of course I am, Lita. Why would I not be?" He pulls me into his arms and kisses my forehead softly.
I laugh awkwardly, "I don't know... I heard the front door and just... assumed." I lean back from his body and try to read his face, but it's hard to in the dark.
"Little Lita...." He coos at me, pushing my still damp hair behind my ear, "No, I would never do that to you."
"Again."
The word flies from my mouth without a second thought and I feel him tense.
"Not intentionally." he says, firmly.
Shoot, I struck a nerve.
"Sorry." I apologize, rubbing my arms as I attempt to self soothe the feelings of guilt that just swept through me.
He runs a hand over my back and lays down flatter, holding his arms open for me. "Come here, Lita."
"You want to cuddle?" I let out a short giggle, "You would be a cuddler." I tease.
He snorts a scoff, "I'm a cuddler with YOU, Lita. I haven't really cuddled with a woman since college."
"Saving all those cuddles for me?" I chuckle, laying up next to him, my head resting on his shoulder as his arms wrap around me.
"You're damn straight I did." He cradles me against his warm chest and little bubbles of happiness start forming in me.
I haven't felt this... content in a very long time.
Jacksons hands stroke small circles on my back, going down. I tense as he gets closer to where some of my scars are on my lower back.
"Will you talk to me about these?" Jackson asks softly, a finger tracing the smooth skin of a scar the size of my thumb.
"I'd rather not right now." My fingers curl in his patch of hair on his chest, feeling it's lightly coarse texture. I move my fingers down his stomach, feeling his muscles quiver under my touch.
"Is there something else you want to talk about?" His chest resonates with his voice, further soothing me like a balm, bringing back memories of us in the club house. We had an old blanket we'd lay out and relax on when the days were cold, or windy. He would rest his head on his arm and let me lay my head on his chest, basking in each others warmth and company as we would read magazines, comics, or a book from school. The times that made life bearable when I was younger.
I prop myself up on my elbow, still playing with my hand on his stomach, "Just so I know we're thinking similarly. What is this?" I motion to the two of us.
"What do you want this to be?" He asks.
"Oh nope. No, you don't. Answer my question first." I retort, shaking my head.
A heavy breath escapes him, "It's whatever you want it to be right now Lita. I will accommodate your desires, no matter what they are."
I purse my lips, "That's not a concise answer."
"Oh, but it was an answer." He lifts a finger up, like he was keeping score.
"An answer that was just a different way of asking yours!" I scoff, lightly pinching his side.
"Ow!" He laughs, jerking away from my pinching fingers. "Well, ask a more concise question!" He laughs, jerking away again from my other hand getting his side.
"Asshole." I grumble, I turn over and lay on my pillow instead of him. Curling myself up into the fetal position as I tried to think about what answer I was looking for from him. It was a subconscious reaction, a force of habit, to curl up in on myself when it came to my personal emotions.
I hear him groan and wrap his body around my own. "I am sorry. Lita." he pulls me closer to him, working his arm between my legs and arms, forcing me to undo my position.
He takes advantage and lays on top of me, but his weight does not crush me, just prevents me from curling back up.
"Lita, I want you." he states, not a drop of humor or doubt anywhere.
I wiggle my hips under him, gently, taking note he's not hard at the moment.
"I am still having trouble understanding your vague explanation and require some further clarification on the parameters of our relationship." I raise a brow at him.
He chuckles, "That's an excellent example of speaking in corporate, you know that?"
"Please refrain from diverting from the main topic that we are focusing on." I wink up at him and he chuckles again before going serious, a smile still catching the corner of his lips.
"I want you to be with me, Melita Xenos. I was working up the courage when I was younger to ask you out, but I never got the chance. Now, that I do... Will you?"
"You want to be with me, really?" I'm struggling internally with so many thoughts, so many scenarios.
He wants to be with me? He wanted to ask me out when we were younger? This man has had these feelings all this time?
"Yes, Lita."
What if things don't work out? What if we end up hating each other?
As he lowers his face closer to mine, I can see his eyes better and they help calm those racing thoughts.
They offer safety, being open and vulnerable to me in this moment.
"Okay." I murmur, caught up in how intense those hazel eyes have locked in on me.
His eyes crinkle up in a smile before those smiling lips catch mine. It's a soft kiss, a lazy one, until he spreads my legs with his knees. I feel him growing hard rubbing against my sex, sliding over my clit.
"We're out of condoms, Jacks." I pant feeling how slick this was making me and if he or I moved just right, he'd slip inside of me.
"Not anymore..." He pants against my lips, kissing me quickly before grabbing the box he had set down. He opens it, pulling out a roll of condoms, taking one and tossing the rest back on the table. He quickly puts the condom on and lines himself up with my entrance.
"Oh god, Jacks!" He entered me in one swift thrust, making me cling to him and breathe heavily, whimpering.
He moves slowly, peppering my neck with kisses and nips.
"Dear god, Lita. You are so damn perfect."
His words have me melting. "I feel like I'm dreaming."
"If you're dreaming do me a favor and don't ever wake up, you'll break my heart if you do." He grunts, his lips finding mine again.
"I'll try not to." I pant against his lips, as he wraps his arms under my knees and brings them almost up to my shoulders, spread wide.
"Oh my god, Jacks! You're so fucking deep!" I cry out, as he continues to fuck me like I was the last lay he was ever going to get.
"You love it though, don't you?" He grins down at me, looking wickedly sinister and extremely erotic.
"Yes!" My cry has him smiling down at me again and I lose it. My climax has me screaming and I hear him groan and slam into me, holding himself tightly against my body.
"Fuck, yes, Lita!" He grimaces like he's in pain before he gasps in release. "Lita..." he moans, setting my legs down.
"Jacks.." I respond softly, pulling his lips down to mine, whimpering from the aftershocks of my climax.
After cleaning up, we both climb into bed and he has me snuggling up to him. I don't even remember closing my eyes before I fell asleep.