[Damage inflicted!]
Focus!
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
10,567.
Improvements were slow—too slow for my liking. I couldn't notice any difference in the distance my focus travelled even after nearly 2,00 resets.
Well, patience was a virtue to be learnt, and the second best time to start was now, right? Something like that.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
17,904.
Finally!
I could feel an increase at the speed my focus could move down the memory set! Although the set had already become far larger, if I continued improving wouldn't I become faster than its expansion?
The hope I had desperately searched for had descended!
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
54,994.
"Let's fucking go!"
My speed had been increasing rapidly, enough so that I was starting to reach a fiftieth of the random memory set! This…just a few more and I would be able to understand what had happened!
Facing the linear growth of the memory set and the exponential improvement of my speed, it wasn't wrong to say it was just a matter of time before I succeeded.
More importantly, my focus training was bearing fruit now! Although it wasn't seamless, my focus wasn't sent all the way to the start of the memory set, but rather pushed further back!
It was all coming together!
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
345,903.
"Just…a bit more. Yeah, yeah! Just a bit more! It'll start increasing again!"
Advancements of my speed had decreased, but it must have been because I was reaching a turning point. If I preserved here for a little longer, then everything would work!
At least the pushback from each reset had decreased—it wasn't like I had completely stopped improving.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
1,204,00.
A bit more.
I just needed a bit more. The pushback had become far smaller by now—my focus had been strengthened to such a high level that I was unwavering to everything but the initial moments of resetting. However, even that little bit had nullified around 4 seconds of all the distance travelled.
Unwavering to the point that it was almost as if I had transcended the mortal plane; that was how much I had improved.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
1,783,446.
Just a little bit more.
Please.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
3,460,254.
There were no more improvements. My speed had plateaued, and the pushback was now increasing as time passed. I had done it. I had travelled one third of the entire memory set, and was on track to further improve.
So then why?
"Why! Why, why, why, why! Why! Why the fuck is this happening to me! I can't take this anymore! Please, please, I beg you, just end this! Please…!"
Hope had all been burnt.
Now all that was left were my sobs.
"I-It's not…fair…!"
I could feel the mucus run down my face, and even that I was too powerless to wipe clean.
A disgusting mess. That was all that remained of me.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
12,347,882.
What was the purpose of my existence?
No.
Did I even exist?
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
104,237,913.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
1,000,000,000.
I was still alive.
Fuck.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
…
1,000,000,001
A memory packet had formed out of nowhere.
I felt no inclination to open it. I was stuck here—for now, and for eternity. Nothing would change that.
Rather, I decided to work on a different project. Work. It had been a while.
Memories and thoughts acted as a carrier of our consciousness, and so, by shutting down all the memories and the ability to think inside a human, they would metaphorically cease to exist.
Of course, that was for that individual human's perception, not the world's—and that was all that mattered to me.
I couldn't bear to exist anymore.
If I wouldn't die, I'd kill myself in different ways.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
3,300,465,990.
My consciousness was waning in and out; half the time my mind had been shut off for self preservation. Working on making a consistent system where I could regain my awareness after 'killing' myself had posed small issues, but had been mitigated in the end.
'Memories' could be hidden deep inside the subconscious mind, never to see the light of day unless a specific trigger awakened it. So, all I had to do was shove every single thought and memory I had in there, and create a trigger that would activate all the buried memories without my constant management.
Triggers could be placed anywhere, and could come in multiple different forms. Only after I had sufficient control over memories was I able to consciously craft triggers onto irregular concepts rather than simple physical objects.
10,000,000 resets. Every ten million resets, a memory packet would be formed recounting nothing. The bizarre occurrence of the concept 'nothing' becoming a memory had been conditioned through multiple repeats to activate the memories deep within my mind.
Only one memory was left untouched by me, that being the reset counter. It served the purpose of acting as an anchor of my existence outside the subconscious world, and also to allow me to never lose track of time.
A small fragment of my consciousness remained outside so that I was able to perceive and record each reset.
Like that, I would regain my consciousness for a short while before starting the cycle again.
It was a foolish man's dream. That maybe one day, I would awake to a world that wouldn't stop every ten seconds—that maybe one day, I could feel the sensation of moving.
For as long as that future existed, I could never fully close my mind off.
Now entering the time period of awareness, I thought to check the new memory packet that had arrived long ago.
After all these years, I could accelerate my thought process by tens of times without much effort—an act that unfortunately hadn't made me smarter. The base intelligence remained the same, only the speed it happened at was increased.
And so, although my focus was a bit groggy from the slumber, I comprehended the entire memory packet before a new reset began.
…
"I see."
It had been over a hundred years since I entered the loop. At the start, I felt optimistic. When was it? Ah, it was then. Reset 3,460,254.
Since that day, the world had turned grey, and my heart had closed.
But now?
For the first time in a hundred years—I smiled.
[Damage Inflicted!]
"My suffering will end."
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
"Fuck! That shitty god put me in a death loop!"
It was clear to understand that my Unique Skill had been given with shitty timing!
What would I do!?
"No, no, there's no way it's actually infinite right? Yeah, yeah! It'll run out soon, but that means I'll be without…a cheat skill…"
Damn it!
Everything was ruined from the start!
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
3.
"Maaan, am I really going to be here for a while?"
This was going to be a bit boring.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
1000.
"Hey, fuck, shouldn't this be ending by now?"
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!
45,600.
"You fucking bastard! Stop this now! Damn it, how dare you make fun of me by adding a counter in my head!"
I knew it, that god was sketchy! After all, the way he spoke was so full of himself, but he couldn't even time giving me a fucking skill right!
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
100,000.
"Arghhhhh! Free me right this instant!"
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
546,002.
"You dogshit god! I'll save myself if you won't do it for me!"
Think!
There had to be something in here inside my head that would save me!
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
750,000.
"Haha! I found it, the cheat that overcomes even the god!"
It seemed he wasn't wrong about me being a protagonist, hehe—I was just in the wrong world.
Laying inside my head was a space separate from the main set of memories, something that gave me a tingling sensation—as if calling out to me.
My own, personal golden finger. I was sure of it!
Memory Packet: Self-Suggestion!
"Huh?"
The fuck was this?
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
800,004.
Weird. This golden finger was really strange—instead of saving the situation, it had shown me…theories? Theories about how a person would be able to suggest things to themselves so that they would subconsciously begin to act it out.
I didn't know what to do with the knowledge, but I decided to try and learn whatever the hell it was.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
2,992,000.
"Fuck! Who gave me such a stupidly complex golden finger?! What can I possibly do with all this knowledge?!"
Everytime I thought it was drawing to a near, a completely new theory was thrown by the memory set as if to mock my silly thought of thinking I was finished.
But I wouldn't give up!
I would be the valiant hero that I had always dreamed to back on Earth—a Hero never had an easy journey.
Yeah, the struggle would all be worth it. Soon, my life would change.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
13,990,331.
"Haaa, finally, I'm done with this shit."
The memory set had been fully comprehended by me. Self suggestion was the wrong description for it—no,no, it was far more potent.
Self hypnosis.
And insanity.
I feared for the future.
This was not a power that was meant to be given to a human in a situation like this.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
"Hehhehehe...heheehheeheh..ehheeheheheeheheh, it's all going to be alright Rinnii…!"
"Rinniiiii!"
"Hahahaha, don't youuu think so tooo?!"
"Hehehe, we are in this together, and forever!"
"I love you so, so, soooo much Riniiii!"
You were the only one who was here for me in this world of loneliness.
[Damage inflicted!]
[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]
"Rinni, you're making me angry…stop…stop saying that Rinni…stop..stop, stop, stop!"
"Rinni! You fucking bitch! You told me you were going to stay, you bitch! I'll kill you! Stay there, don't run away you coward!"
Why did they always leave?!
"It's not fair…it's not fucking fair! Rinni, you can't leave me! Rinni!"
Rinni didn't exist, though?
It had always been Rachel.
"I love you, Rachel!"
"You're the only one with me in this world of loneliness."