Consciousness returned to me slowly. I laid in bed, the sheet thrown off of me, basking in the slight sunlight coming through the curtain, and thought.
Age 4, male, Sakumo Haruno, pink hair, emerald green eyes. Two lowing parents who worries for him constantly, both Chuunin, no other relatives. A bit anti social, displays an apathic expression on his face regularly, hard to phase or get a reaction out of, other children finds him creepy and refuses to interact with, loves to read and engage adults in difficult topics, suspected genius, soon to be member of the ninja academy, and a devout deist.
Reincarnator. Age 45, virgin, antisocial, nihilist, in a state of depression due to missing out on his chance to form a family or even close connections. Plagued by suicidal thoughts. Died to electrocution while saving a life.
One day while going to work he saw a guy pass out and fall into the train tracks, seeing that it was taking a while for the security to come and he could hear the train coming, he jumped down and pulled the guy up, but the train was too close so rather than try to get up faster he stepped on the tracks from the other side to avoid it should it fail to stop, which is when the currents through both tracks merged and started electrocuting him.
I woke up in the womb, and over time my memories of my past life returned. This increased the Yin in my chakra greatly and created an imbalance. Normally that could kill a person, however I survived for some reason, though not without a scratch. Mentally I feel exhausted, the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that the supernatural exists, because if I could reincarnate into a male version of Sakura Haruno then what isn't possible?
Everyday I push myself from the bed, and through sheer willpower keep on living. Keep on being a good person because what if Karma is real? I do my best to be a good person, to live a good life, and I do my best to ignore the persistent fear that I would have to become a ninja to survive and keep this world going. Because without Sakura Sasuke would've died multiple times. Just Naruto's promise to her to bring Sasuke back saved the idiotic bastard's life multiple times.
So, I have to become a ninja, I have to become at least Kage level by the time I am 17. I have to become the goddamn second coming of Tsunade Senju. And I have to keep on living, because if not, and if Karma is real, then I am absolutely fucked because even Sasuke dying to Kaguya is a nightmare because then the other Otsutsuki's would be even more of a problem.
The weight of the world is on me, and I can't help but keep thinking of the studies that showed how stress and adrenaline in growing children impaired their mental development, to the point of even making their brain smaller than average. That knowledge did not help me feel any less stressed.
So I turned to praying. I prayed for strength to whatever god would listen. I prayed for the ROB that brought me here to give me a cheat ability. I prayed to the One Above All to deliver salvation to me. I prayed even to Jashin.
None answered so far, but the action of praying expelled some of the burden from my shoulders.
One might question, 'If the overwhelming Yin chakra is bothering you so much then why don't you train your body to balance it out?'… You'd be right to question that because I want to do that, however my parents forbid me from training and even just living is a drain on my willpower, how could I push myself to train in secret on top of it?
I can't. So, I tried to find the middle ground by making my Yin chakra even greater by studying the things I would need to know about this world nonstop. Such as anatomy books, herbology books, and other books of the type. Of course, just reading such dry books would wear me out more than anything so I also read whatever else interested me, which wasn't the fictional stories, because they tend to remind me of those shitty Chinese cultivation stories where everything was 'Mount Tai' this and 'face slapping' that.
I began learning how to play a musical instrument, because that's just what you do when you get reincarnated, and also because Koto, a string instrument, was honestly beautiful sounding. It was also quite complex, to the point that I kept wondering whether it was more difficult to learn than the piano.
The instrument required focus, finger flexibility, and the strings could be modified to sound different as the player desires. I had to wear specially made glove to play it as its strings cut into my fingers. I day dreamed of a day when I could play it raw and used healing jutsu to fix the damage as it happens.
As I thought about my Koto I realized that I had gathered enough willpower to get up, so I did. I went through the morning ritual of washing up, and then went to the Koto and started playing.
I am not good at it. Yet. But Konoha wasn't built in a day.
Unbidden I smiled, a rare expression on my face, the memories of the music I listened at home, my old home, came to mind.
I did not have the skill to play it. But I wondered how it would sound like on this instrument. For example, Wake Me Up by Avicii. It would require three people at least, working on different instruments, because the diversity of the Koto did not work with a full on song. I could almost hear it, and closed my eyes as I played it.
I had long memorized the strings, that was the easy part for me. I could imagine how to hit the strings, how to push and pull multiple strings, my mental capacity was enhanced by chakra to make that part trivial.
My problem laid in my physical development, I am a small child of four. I had to reach with my full body to pull the string on the other side, but that didn't mean I couldn't play it. It just mean there were so many visible parts I could improve over time.
IF I wanted to play this song fully in this world. Maybe I should… As I opened my eyes I saw my parents, standing there and watching me with smiles on their faces. Mentally I translated the song to the language we used, and tried to make it rhyme.
"Searching blindly through the darkness, Listening to a beating heart, I can't tell you where this journey ends, But I'll let you know the starting point…"
The changed lyrics could be made better, my young voice did not fit to the song, it was too raw, too young, and too inexperienced with singing, but I didn't mind, I was focused. The next part of the lyrics didn't make sense so I changed it. And unbidden, my emotions leaked into the song.
"They tell me I'm too old for my body, They say my eyes are cloudy, Well lets let life pass me by as my body catches up to me…"
The tempo rose, the song stopped being from Avicii and became mine. The flood gates I held close started to crack open.
"I fear the wake, the day this dream ends, but that's okay, all dreams ends when we are awake!"
My feelings drowned the original song.
"When I'm wiser than my peers, don't fit in, the unease pushing them away, Do these eyes scare you?"
I asked genuinely, the feelings pouring out of me. A stare from me was enough to scare off any kid that tried to bully me for being different. Father wanted to come towards me, but mother held him, wanting me to continue.
"I am lost, in this whole wide, scary scarred world, killers walk the shadows but worshipped as gods, protected by bloody arms… Do I dare to be different and live?"
"Where will it end? Where will I be? Can I be free? This life, the burden it puts upon me, the truths that I see, the future is scary! Death is the only path my sanity can see!"
My heart thundered, for four years my memories burdened me, and me alone. I wanted to share it, but held back. I wanted to trust them but held firm in the idea that they were brainwashed by the government to not report me. But not this time.
I don't know why, but I couldn't help but keep continuing to sing. To pour my heart out to these two without stop even if a side of me desperately begged me to stop.
"I know it all, the future, the past, the truth of this world. Let me tell you two, it is scary. Do you wanna know what is coming? Do you know the opponents we face? It is suicide! To fight against the universe itself, that is what life is for me!"
I took a deep shuddering breath and closed my eyes.
"The goddess who saved our world by betraying her god, Kaguya Otsutsuki. The god is still alive waiting for a comeback…"
"Hagoromo, son of Kaguya, who gave us chakra thinking us peaceful enough to use it for good, unknowing of the war we committed on each other before their mother came."
"Hagoromo and Hamura Otsutsuki, sons of Kaguya, who sealed her away when she tried to take back the gift of chakra by committing genocide… But she is still alive, waiting for a comeback…"
"Hamura Otsutsuki, up on the moon with his sons, giving up their eyes to power up a weapon that he hoped would protect us from the other Otsutsuki, but what happened when he died? They forgot the reason for the weapon, and slowly it is turning towards us, made to protect us but now can be just another path to our doom."
"Indra and Ashura, sons of Hagoromo, meant to receive half of his chakra, one yin one yang, until Hagoromo gave both to Ashura because he was good and just, creating the two reincarnating monsters, fighting generation after generation, urged towards conflict without even knowing the reason. Madara Uchiha and Hashirama Senju, and now Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki."
I stared at them, the draining of color in their faces, satisfaction arose within me then I closed my eyes again and continued. A part of me felt calm enough to stop but then I realized that there was no point in doing such a thing.
"I swear, why and how does this universe comes up with such contrived plots for our doom? Is our existence a sin in the eyes of it? Why can't we just live on, in peace? Why can't I become a simple farmer or blacksmith? Why must I be on a team with the fuckup that is Sasuke and the waste of potential that is Naruto as their pet healer?"
"Not only that, why hasn't Zetsu, the so called 'will of Kaguya' who has crushed all attempts to form some sort of order in the chaos of warring states era, failed to revive Kaguya for so long? If he had been waiting for Indra's reincarnation to evolve their Mangekyo Sharingan into Rinnegan then I get it but if it took so long for them to reincarnate, then about Sasuke? Why did their reincarnation happen so fast?" He breathing slowed but he glared at them when they took a step towards him.
"Why, why?! Why would Zetsu allow Obito Uchiha to incite the Uchiha Rebellion, or allow Danzo to order the full culling of the Uchiha? Or why wouldn't he stop Obito from killing the baby Uchiha, or why wouldn't Danzo steal some Uchiha sperm to make babies? How come other nations isn't swarmed with bloodline kids? Does Hiruzen really not know that Root still exists? Why doesn't he adopt Naruto? Don't they know that he will start pulling on Kyuubi's chakra if enraged, and why would he get enraged?! He is an abused child, if he hadn't been Ashura's reincarnation he would be raging at the adults left and right, stealing things to get attention but all he does is pranks! I refuse to believe it, it makes no sense!" I began breathing hard as I glared at them.
Slowly, as if to not frighten me, they closed the distance, and when I didn't pull away, they hugged me. My breathing hitched but I held it in.
My father hummed, his chest rumbling: "That was some burden you were carrying son." He said softly, his fingers over my arm squeezing softly.
I didn't say anything.
My mother's fingers drummed on my back: "I was expecting existential dread as the reason for your gloominess but I think it is time for you to eat a proper breakfast, what do you want me to make?"
I froze. I pushed them to look up at her face, disbelief I was feeling echoing from my body to soul.
"Are you serious right now? Meal, that is what you are, I just said, the-"
"Shush. It is breakfast time. When your emotions calm down, when I had my coffee, and your father has his disgusting orange juice, we can go over all that you said. Do you know anything that needs our immediate attention?" She said with a gentle smile, but I could detect a hint of suppressed dread.
The dread she was suppressing, the fact that she was trying for normality to ground us… That was enough for me to calm down.
"Besides the Kumo delegation leader is suppose to try to kidnap Hinata Hyuuga and get killed by Hiashi Hyuuga, then the Kumo would demand the head of the killer as compensation, Hiashi would refuse the elders' suggestion of sending Hizashi and would try to go himself but that action would make Hizashi realize his brother is still his brother, and would knock Hisashi to go himself, the caged bird seal would destroy his eyes upon his death and Kumo would lose face and the Raikage would change because of the failure."
And just like that the nonchalant expression gained more and more cracks. It satisfied me.
"I feel like potatoes by the way." I said with a rarely seen grin on my face.
She glared at me, and ruffled my hair with a huff before splitting the hug to go towards the kitchen.
"You know, you two made me feel real invisible there. I was in the hug too right? I didn't spontaneously learn that one technique, did I?"
"Nah, it is just your natural lack of presence, dad." I said with a smirk.
He chuckled and ruffled my head roughly before turning to the instrument: "I would've bought that earlier if I knew it would've made you open up… I don't know, the things you said, we will talk about them, to solve the issues but Sakumo… You are our child, you can trust us to take care of you. If you have another vision or whatever allowed you to know these things then we are here to listen, to help you through them in any way we can as your family. Will of Fire, the Konohan Way." His gaze bored into me to make sure I understood before he nodded and left for the kitchen.
I looked down. I couldn't bring myself to feel depressed, or any other negative emotion really. I only felt serenity. Grabbing the Koto I kept plucking the strings slowly without a song in mind.