Time moved on like the steady ticking of a clock, indifferent to the storm that brewed inside me. As our final exams loomed closer, the stress of school weighed heavily on everyone, but for me, it wasn't just about the exams. It was about Zaiba—and how far away she felt.
She and Anas had been studying together nearly every day. Their group was the "smart" one, always reviewing notes and discussing difficult concepts with ease. Meanwhile, I struggled to keep up. I had never been the brightest student, and studying had always felt like an uphill battle. But now, more than ever, I felt isolated. Watching them, especially watching *her* laugh and focus with Anas by her side, made me feel like I was failing in more ways than one.
It was two weeks into the exam season, and the pressure was suffocating. I tried locking myself in my room with my textbooks, determined to improve, but nothing seemed to stick. The more I struggled with my notes, the more it felt like everything was slipping away—Zaiba, my grades, my peace of mind.
On the morning of one of our biggest exams, I saw Zaiba standing near the library, talking with a few classmates. My heart sped up, and I found myself walking toward her. I had a burning question about a formula that had been driving me crazy. Maybe if she helped me, things would feel a little more like they used to.
"Zaiba!" I called out, walking up to her.
She turned and smiled, that familiar warmth making me feel lighter for a brief moment. "Hey, Affan! How's it going?"
"Uh, I just had a quick question about something for the exam," I said, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly. "Could you help me with this formula?"
"Of course!" she replied, always happy to help. She pulled out her notebook and began explaining the concept with her usual patience. For a brief few minutes, it felt like it was just us again, like we were back to being best friends, not strangers lost in different worlds.
But then, as if on cue, Anas appeared. His presence was as unavoidable as a shadow on a sunny day. "Morning!" he said with his trademark confidence, walking up to us. "Hope you two are ready to ace this thing."
I felt my jaw clench involuntarily. He had a way of showing up just when I least wanted him to. As Zaiba continued explaining the problem, Anas leaned in with a grin. "Speaking of formulas, did you hear about the one the math teacher gave us last time? It was so complicated I thought I'd need a PhD just to get halfway through it!"
Then, without warning, he threw in one of his classic dad jokes. "Math teachers love drama… because they always have problems to solve!"
Zaiba giggled, and my stomach turned. I shot Anas a death glare, my patience wearing thin. He wasn't just interrupting our conversation—he was inserting himself into the little bit of time I had with her. Did he always have to be around?
The school bell rang, signaling that the exam would begin in 30 minutes. Zaiba closed her notebook and flashed me a quick smile. "Good luck, Affan. You'll be fine!"
I nodded but felt no comfort. We headed toward the exam hall, and I felt the weight of the exam pressing down on me. As we all filed into our seats, I couldn't help but glance toward Anas and Zaiba. They sat near each other, laughing and talking as if the upcoming test didn't faze them at all. I looked down at my desk, trying to focus, but my mind kept wandering. Would things ever go back to the way they were?
The exam itself was a blur. I scribbled answers as quickly as I could, but every now and then, my thoughts drifted to Zaiba. By the time I finished and handed in my paper, I felt drained—emotionally more than anything else.
As I walked out of the exam hall, I hoped—prayed—that maybe Zaiba would come over and talk to me. Maybe she would ask how I did, maybe we'd walk home together like we used to. But as I scanned the crowd of students, I spotted her sitting on her bench, searching through her bag for something.
I moved toward her, ready to strike up a conversation, but before I could take more than a few steps, Anas appeared again. This time, he approached her with a look of concern on his face, immediately pulling her attention away from whatever she was doing. He sat next to her, leaning in as if something serious had happened, and just like that, I was pushed aside again.
I stopped in my tracks, watching them from a distance. Zaiba smiled as they exchanged a few words, and Anas's friends soon joined them, surrounding the bench with their usual easy camaraderie. The scene was complete without me. I didn't belong there anymore.
With a heavy heart, I turned and walked away. The noise of their laughter and conversation faded behind me as I made my way home alone. The loneliness followed me like a shadow, stretching out with every step I took. By the time I reached my street, the sky had darkened, and I felt utterly empty.
Days passed, and as the exams drew to a close, the summer break began. The long, hot days stretched before me, but instead of feeling relief, I felt lost. Zaiba and I hardly spoke anymore. She was always surrounded by her new group, always busy with Anas and his friends. I had faded into the background, a distant memory in her life.
One early morning during the break, I decided to take a walk, trying to clear my mind. With my headphones in, I wandered toward the park, hoping the fresh air would lift the weight that had settled on my chest. But as I turned the corner, I spotted a familiar figure Zaiba's mom, walking toward me with a warm smile on her face.
"Auntie!" I greeted, pulling out my headphones as I approached her.
"Affan, dear!" she said in her usual sweet tone. "It's so good to see you. I feel like it's been forever! Why don't you come by the house more often?"
Her question hit me harder than I expected. Zaiba's mom had always been like a second mother to me, and visiting their home had once been a regular part of my life. But lately, it felt like I had no reason to go there. I didn't want to lie, but I also didn't know how to explain what had been happening.
"I… uh… I guess I've just been busy," I said, avoiding her eyes. "And I don't see Zaiba as much anymore. She's been spending a lot of time with her other classmates."
I didn't mention Anas by name. I didn't need to.
Auntie nodded knowingly. "Yes, I've noticed she's been with that boy Anas a lot lately." She smiled, but there was a hint of something in her expression maybe concern. "He seems nice enough, but I understand. You two used to be inseparable."
Her words stung, but before I could say anything, she added something that completely caught me off guard. "But you know, Affan, Zaiba talks about you a lot. Every day at dinner, she mentions something about you. She seems to notice that you've been looking sad lately."
I blinked in surprise, feeling both confusion and a strange warmth spread through me. "She does?"
Auntie smiled. "Oh yes, dear. She's very grateful to have you in her life. I know you might not see her as much now, but don't think for a second that she's forgotten about you."
I didn't know how to respond. Zaiba barely talked to me these days, but apparently, she was talking about me. The thought made me blush, but it also left me feeling more confused than ever. Why was she telling her family about me if we weren't even close anymore?
Auntie placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry, Affan. Things will work out. Oh, and by the way, we're planning a family trip to Ladakh next week. You should come visit before we go!"
I nodded, still processing everything she had said. "Yeah… I will."
As Auntie walked away, I stood there, my mind racing. Zaiba had noticed that I'd been sad? She had been talking about me at home? Part of me felt a flicker of hope, but another part of me was still drowning in uncertainty. If she cared so much, why had she let things get so distant between us?
I spent the rest of that day thinking about what Auntie had said. The words echoed in my mind, over and over again. *Zaiba talks about you. She's grateful to have you.*
It was more than I could have hoped for, but it wasn't enough. I needed to know what Zaiba was really thinking. I needed to understand why things had changed and if there was still a chance to fix them.
I made up my mind that I had to talk to her before she left for Ladakh. I had to be honest with her, to lay everything out in the open. No more pretending that everything was fine, no more hiding behind my hurt. I needed to straighten things out, once and for all.
The night before our conversation, I stayed up late, rehearsing what I would say. I planned every word, every question. I had gone over it again and again in my mind how to approach her, how to be honest without coming across as too desperate, and how to explain the way I'd been feeling for weeks. I had imagined different outcomes: maybe she would understand, maybe things would go back to the way they were, or maybe she'd get upset. But what I couldn't prepare for was how much it would hurt to lay it all out in the open.
The next evening, I made my way to the park where Zaiba had agreed to meet me. The sun was beginning to set, casting a soft orange glow over the trees. My heart raced as I approached the bench where she sat, reading a book. She looked so peaceful, as if everything in her world was perfectly fine, while I was on the verge of breaking.
"Zaiba," I called out, my voice barely steady.
She looked up from her book and smiled when she saw me. "Affan! Hey, how are you?"
I tried to smile back, but my nerves were getting the better of me. "I'm okay. Can we talk?"
Zaiba frowned slightly, closing her book and setting it aside. "Sure, what's going on?"
I sat down next to her, my hands gripping the edge of the bench. I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "I've been thinking a lot about us… and how things have changed."
Zaiba's expression softened, and she nodded. "Yeah, I've noticed things have been a little off lately. What's on your mind?"
I swallowed hard, feeling the lump in my throat grow bigger. "I feel like… I've lost you, Zaiba. Ever since you started spending more time with Anas, it feels like we're not as close as we used to be. I don't know how to say this without sounding selfish, but… I miss the way things were."
Zaiba's face fell slightly, and she looked down at her hands. "Affan, I didn't realize you were feeling like this. I'm really sorry if I've made you feel that way."
I appreciated her apology, but it wasn't enough. I had to keep going. "It's not just about spending time with Anas," I said, my voice wavering. "It's about how you seem so happy with him, like he's replaced me in your life. I feel like I don't matter anymore."
Zaiba looked up, her eyes wide with surprise. "Affan, that's not true. Anas is just a friend. He hasn't replaced you."
"I know that's what you think, but it doesn't feel that way to me," I said, the words rushing out before I could stop them. "Every time I see you with him, it feels like you're drifting further away from me. And it hurts."
There was a long pause, and for a moment, Zaiba seemed to be processing everything I had said. But then, her expression shifted her brows furrowed, and a slight frown formed on her lips. "Affan, I didn't realize you felt this strongly about it, but… you're being unfair."
"Unfair?" I echoed, feeling a mix of confusion and frustration.
"Yes," she said, her voice firm now. "You're acting like I can't have other friends, like the fact that I spend time with Anas means I don't care about you. That's not true, and it's not fair to put that on me."
I blinked, taken aback by her sudden change in tone. "I'm not saying you can't have other friends. I just… I don't know, I feel like I've been pushed aside."
Zaiba stood up abruptly, crossing her arms as she looked down at me. "Affan, this isn't just about you. I care about you, but I also care about Anas. He's been good to me, he's helped me a lot, and I enjoy spending time with him. Why can't you just accept that?"
Her words stung more than I expected. I stood up too, feeling the tension rise between us. "I do accept that, but you don't understand how much it hurts to see you with him all the time. It feels like I'm losing you, Zaiba!"
Zaiba shook her head, frustration clear on her face. "You're not losing me, Affan! But you can't expect me to stay exactly the same, to always be just with you. People grow, people change, and you have to accept that."
"I know people change," I said, my voice rising. "But this feels different. You're not just growing you're leaving me behind."
Zaiba sighed, rubbing her temples as if she was trying to keep her cool. "Affan, I get that this is hard for you, but you need to figure out what's really bothering you. You can't keep blaming Anas. He hasn't done anything wrong, and neither have I."
"I'm not blaming him," I muttered, though deep down, I knew that wasn't entirely true. I was blaming Anas. I hated how easy it was for him to slip into Zaiba's life, to become someone important to her. And I hated that she couldn't see how much it was hurting me.
Zaiba looked at me, her eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and frustration. "I don't know what you want from me, Affan. I'm not going to stop being friends with Anas just because you feel uncomfortable. You need to figure this out on your own."
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. I had come here hoping for understanding, for some kind of reassurance that our friendship still mattered to her. But instead, it felt like she was pushing me further away.
"I just don't want to lose you," I said quietly, my voice barely audible.
Zaiba softened for a moment, her expression filled with conflict. "You're not going to lose me, Affan. But you have to let me have my own life too."
There was a heavy silence between us, the weight of everything unsaid hanging in the air. I didn't know what else to say, and it was clear that Zaiba was done with the conversation. She looked at me one last time, her eyes filled with disappointment.
"I have to go," she said softly. "We'll talk when I get back from Ladakh or I don't know Affan if I'll be able to talk to you bye."
And with that, she turned and walked away, leaving me standing there, feeling more alone than ever. I watched her disappear into the distance, the ache in my chest growing stronger with every step she took.
As I stood there in the quiet park, the realization hit me like a wave I had made a mess of everything. My confession, my emotions, my frustration… it had all come out wrong. And now, I didn't know if things between us would ever be the same again.
I sat down on the bench, burying my face in my hands as the weight of it all crushed me. She was right I had let my jealousy and insecurities ruin what we had. But it didn't make the pain any easier to bear.
The sun had long since set, and the park was quiet, except for the sound of my heart breaking.