May shook her head no. "This can just go away." She answered simply. "I don't cheat. I never have, and never will. And tonight won't change that. Carson wouldn't look at me again."
As awful as it was for me to think so, I was a little glad to have a reason for Megan to want to break up with me. It would save the heartbreak and self-blame she'd feel of breaking up with her. However, I had to admit that this was not what I wanted at all.
"May, it's the right thing." I said firmly. "We need to be honest. If you're not telling Carson, then I will."
"You? His friend? He'll kill you." May said icily. "You're not telling him."
"If you won't, then yes, I will." I retaliated, feeling sick, like something bad was going to happen.
"You're not telling him." May repeated.
"I am."
"You're not telling him!" May shouted. "If you tell anyone we did this, I'm going to say that you raped me."
Woah. WOAH. This was the next level of bad. Having the reputation of mistreating Megan was one thing, but rape accusations was grounds for a criminal offense.
"You're joking." Was the only thing I could think to say.
Sadly, May held her ground. "You're not going to tell anyone about this, Adam." She said, more confidently now that she knew she had a strategy. "This is going to be our little secret. Otherwise your high school life is going to be hell."
"May, rape is nothing to joke about." I told her seriously. "You can not go saying this. It's cruel. It's blackmail."
"I don't cheat, Adam." May said, softening. "I'm sorry. I just need to protect myself."
"With blackmail?" I asked her, enraged. "You can't be serious. Why can't you just accept what you did was wrong? I'll forgive and forget you ever even said 'rape' if you just co-operate. Please."
She bit her lip, tears returning to her eyes. "I'm sorry, Adam." She repeated. "But it'll be your word against mine. This is the only way I know you won't tell."
"I won't stand for this." I told her angrily. "I thought you were kind. I thought you were a good person. A kind person."
Fire entered her eyes. "I AM a good person." She yelled back at me. Lowering her voice, she added, "And If you don't leave me be, I'm going to scream rape right now."
"Oh my God, May…" I uttered in a mix of disbelief and exasperation.
"Don't call my bluff." She firmly stated. "I'm a good person, I just made a mistake."
"Then own up to it!" I angrily spat back.
"If we keep it a secret, no harm will be done. If we spill the beans, people will judge me." May defended herself.
"I'm judging you pretty damn hard right now." I fired back. "You can't be serious."
"Want to find out?" She challenged me. "Get out." She then drew in a large breath of air like she was about to shout. From the look of her face, it looked like she was serious. I threw up my hands in resignation and exited the room, shutting the door behind me.
I instantly collapsed against the same door. Jesus Christ. I just cheated on Megan. I just cheated on Megan with my crush, who turned out to be ten times as manipulative and cruel. Holy shit. 'Was it worth it?' My mind asked me. 'I sure fucking hope it was, you idiot.'
Strangely enough, a small chuckle built up from within me. I felt like absolute garbage, but I found myself laughing. Almost every girl I became friends with so far liked me. All of those girls were manipulative as hell, in one way or another. All of those girls had something going wrong upstairs. And all of those girls managed to find a way to hurt me, badly. I kept up my laugh until it hurt, until it turned into a cry.
I needed to go home. I pulled out my phone, realizing I needed to call in Paul for that favor. I turned it on to see I had a message from Megan.
Hey handsome! How was the party?? :) :)
Well, that really stung. As I read that text over and over to myself, I realized that even though Megan and I didn't click, she was sweet, and kind, and deserved to know. You know what? Being called a rapist would be hell, but it's what I deserved. I didn't care what May said, I was going to do the right thing. Megan deserved it. She sure as hell deserved better than me. I then realized that I only gave Paul my number, not the other way around, when God essentially sent me a message of his own, telling me he had my back.
Hey, how's the party? Are you doing alright? A random number, one I presumed to be Paul texted me.
I breathed a sigh of relief. Thanks, God. This may seem sudden, but could I get a ride home? Like, now? I texted back.
Immediately I got a response. Meet me outside the front entrance.
Words could not describe the relief, shame, guilt, and confusion I felt.
***
Before going downstairs, I freshened up in the washroom, and shortly after, I bolted out of the house to find Paul leaning against his crappy Caravan.
"Hey." He waved to me. "Let's go mobile. After this I gotta come back and drive May home." I wordlessly agreed and we got in the car. "I figured with the way you and May are, it would be best to make two trips."
He had no clue how right he was. Clueless yet wise as usual. "Good call." I remarked flatly.
He started the car and turned to me. "So, how was it? I understand why you wanted to leave immediately." He told me with a smile.
"Sorry, Paul, would you mind if I asked for a little silence? No disrespect or anything, I just… Rough night." I responded.
Paul got the message immediately. "You bet. Hope things get better soon." He said simply as he got onto the street. And that was the last thing either one of us said to each other that night.
***
My bed had never felt more comfortable than that night. My parents were still up by the time I got home, wanting to make sure their little boy was okay after his first party, and I used up the last of my energy convincing them I was fine and had fun. Afterwards, I immediately went to my bed with barely enough energy to take my clothes off, and finally fell into a deep sleep, feeling haunted. Haunted by my own actions. I was a god damn cheater. I truly was an asshole. And now, as far as the school was concerned, I was about to be a rapist. My mind traveled back a few months that night, as I realized just how much I hated myself again, for just being Adam, for existing.
"Adam." My conscience seemed to call out to me, mocking me.
"Adam!" It was relentless, needing only my own name and nothing more to insult me.
"Adam!!" A sharp tap jolted me awake. Someone threw a rock at my window. Rubbing my eyes, I lazily hauled myself out of bed. Who the hell could that be? Did Megan find out already? Was May back for more blackmail?
Nope. It was Nicole, looking as self-assured as ever. I opened the window, letting a cold breeze in. However, it looked like I was experiencing the tropics compared to Nicole, who was still in her bathrobe.
"F-f-fucking finally." She rasped with chattering teeth. "Could I come in? We need to talk."