I sighed aloud, not even caring who around me was staring and making their own backstory for Nicole and I at this point. I made for the main hall, sat down on one of the benches and buried my face in my hands, thinking about nothing and everything. I couldn't even think about what had just happened, or who was the enemy, or whether I ACTUALLY fucked up. I could only sit there, every few minutes reminding me I should probably call my mom so that when she was done work in a few hours, she could pick me up. I never got the energy to do it.
"You alright?" Came a voice. I looked up to see the same senior from earlier, who broke up the inevitable fight between May and I. He had unusually long, kind of frizzy brown hair, and a face that showed perplexity as opposed to concern. I never noticed it before, but the guy wore all black.
"I'm fine." I lied. "Missed the bus."
The senior raised his eyebrows. "Not your day, is it?" He looked at his watch and made a motion. "Come on. I'll give you a ride."
"You don't even know where I live!" I replied.
"It's a long walk to my car. You can explain the route to me." He retorted. "Would you like a ride?"
I had been so used to Nicole's forceful attitude that a question asking my permission kind of caught me off guard. "Um… y-yes." I said nervously.
"Alrighty! Let's go mobile!" He said with a small smile, walking down the hallway. He waited for me to catch up with him, then proceeded to walk down the hallway.
"So, ready to tell me the story now?" He asked me, alluding to the situation with Megan earlier. I groaned out loud (without meaning to) and shook my head.
"I don't really see how it concerns you." I simply said, eyeing the floor.
The senior laughed. "Want me to introduce myself? That might clear a thing or two up."
I shot him a confused look before nodding. He stopped in the middle of the hallway and outstretched his hand. Gingerly, I shook it. "Paul Stevens." He smugly declared. I had all but a heart attack as I realized the implications of his last name. Still in the handshake, he leaned in and grinned. "Couldn't you just die?"
He released my hand and laughed to himself. "Don't worry, don't worry." he clarified. "I'm not mad or anything. If anything, I'm curious. I just want the story." He continued walking, and I followed.
"So you're May's brother?" I asked him.
"Cousin, actually." He clarified once again. "We actually don't talk all that much."
"But in the hallway… You talked to her like you don't even know her! You said, 'I don't know who-'"
"Check your memory." He interrupted. "I said I didn't know who you are, which is partially correct. Apart from karate, I'd never seen you before. But I've definitely seen May before." He paused for effect. "Did you hear what you hear? Did you see what you see? You only heard what you believed you were hearing, without expecting the unknown. It's called scotoma."
It was cool being taught a lesson by literally everyone who walked into my life, but I frankly wasn't ready for feel-good 90s-sitcom-Hell right now. "I don't care about scotoma." I replied bitterly.
"I don't care much for driving." He retorted with another smug expression. "Ready to tell me the story now?"
It really didn't involve him, and I wasn't a fan of how he talked like the world's most pretentious philosopher. I just shrugged in response as he walked up to his car, a terrible-looking Dodge Caravan.
I was expecting him to hold my silence against me. "You still going to drive me home?" I asked.
He shrugged. "It's the right thing to do. It's amazing how many people forget how people are human beings. Now where do you live?"
I gave him my address and he cocked his head. "You might have to give me directions… I've never been there."
The only things I said to him on the ride home were directions. Occasionally he would ask me a question that was obviously linked to the event that took place this afternoon, and I ignored it. He didn't seem to mind.
"I assume this is your place?" He finally asked me. I nodded and he pulled right into the driveway.
"Alrighty, glad to see you got home safe." He said warmly.
"Yeah." I replied and opened the door, undoing the seatbelt and grabbing my backpack. I was halfway out of the car as he spoke again.
"And don't worry." He added. "You're not the first, and definitely not the last, to be rejected by Nicole. Don't take it personally."
I stopped right where I was, and looked back at him. He took this as a sign and nodded sympathetically. After staring at him for a bit, I got back in the car with him. "What do you mean?" I asked as I closed the door.
He laughed and shut the car off. "Now you're interested, huh?" He commented dryly, leaning his car seat back. "Yuppers. Ever since Jeff Love broke it off with her a year ago, she hasn't been with a guy since."
I thought back to that conversation she and I shared on the way to May's house. That quickly turned into me remembering her telling me not to be an asshole to May, and I immediately flushed it from my mind. "She's never had sex with anyone since?" I asked.
"Woah!" He gave me an incredulous look. "Wow, grade nines move fast these days. When I was your age, I don't think I knew that sex existed." I rolled my eyes. He was only three years older than me. "That's not what I meant. I meant she never had a boyfriend since. It's like he broke her, though things got worse for her this September. Not sure why."
Mitch. That was why.
"I'm sure she's had sex since Jeff." He continued. "I don't blame you for not knowing since you're a grade nine and all, but if word around the school is to be believed, she's kind of a slut."
"She's not." Was all I replied.
He chuckled. "That's cute of you to think that, but believe me, she is. It's not a bad thing inherently to be a slut, but that's what she is. Even so, guys upon guys have been asking her out, wanting a more emotional connection, and she's rejected every one."
"Including you?" I asked.
He laughed again. "Nope. I know my level, and it's certainly not hers. I'm not what you call a popular guy. You think a guy with this kind of hair is popular?"
He kind of looked like a more unkempt version of Tarzan, dressed like a goth – all black. What a weirdo. I shrugged.
"But I see that as my advantage. I'm the eye in the sky. When you're popular, you're the center of attention. But I'm not, so I can observe whoever I want, and do what I want, without being noticed. Nicole is a fascinating one. Then again, so is Jerome…"
"What's your point?" I asked him impatiently.
"Point? Didn't realize I had one. The closest thing I have to a point is, don't be disappointed. It's not you. Nicole is most likely never going to sleep with you."
I stifled a laugh.
"Plus, you didn't hear this from me, but she is going to crash and burn someday. She can keep her insecurities close to her throughout high school, but one day, she's going to blow, and nobody short of someone who does it for a living can save her at this point." He continued. "Especially someone who goes after one girl one minute, then another the next." He smiled at me, challenging me.
"That's not how it happened!" I protested.
"Then how did it happen?" He asked, grinning.
"Megan and I had a thing, and a few weeks later, May confessed she liked me. Megan showed up, said a lot of out-of-context stuff. That's all."
Paul was nodding until a thought struck him, leaving him with a confused look on his face. "Where does Nicole come into this?"
"What do you care?" I asked him, though less angrily at this point.
"I'm curious." He replied with a shrug. "Everyone has a story. You're under no obligation to tell me yours, but I'm listening."
I sighed. "We're just friends." I replied. "She got pissed with me over how the whole Megan and May thing blew up."
"And May's own favorite cousin isn't even annoyed. Refreshing, isn't it?" He leaned back into his chair and grinned at me.
I paused. "You're her only cousin, aren't you?"
"Yup." He replied, then laughed. I joined in.
"Feel better?" He asked me after a silence.
"Nicole doesn't wanna talk to me." I admitted.
"Well, guessing Nicole's morale, I think she wants you to take something from this." Paul said thoughtfully. "Nicole's sense of justice may not always be right, but god damn is it strong. She's the type of person I could see in those women and gender studies classes in the future."
I nodded.
"She might be right." He continued.
"Huh?"
"Look at you. No offense, you're a little bit of a mess because one friend won't talk to you. Let me guess, you didn't have many friends in the past, did you?"
I shook my head no. "How are you doing this?" I asked him.
He shrugged. "I want to be a psychologist when I'm older. Y'know, solve people's problems from the inside."
"Okay." I said. "So what should I do?"
"I'm no expert, but I think a little time away from her might do you well, to be honest. It sounds like you're overly dependent on her, and that can lead to little individuality in your future. Be your own person and accept the time to yourself."
I was listening, but I wasn't sure if that applied to me. It was at that moment that it dawned on me how emotionally tired I was, to the point where I stopped caring about anything. As a result, I shrugged and opened the door again.
"You live near here?" I asked, trying to make little conversation as I exited the car.
"Nope!" He replied. "I actually live on the other side of the school."
"…Wasn't this out of your way then?" I asked. "Like, twenty minutes out of your way? Forty going back?"
He shrugged. "You needed a ride home!" He said nonchalantly.
I smiled. What he did was genuinely sweet. "Thanks for the ride, Paul." I told him.
"No worries." He smiled back. "Hope everything goes well. Later!"
Yeah, everything going well. Good one. I sighed as I watched the car disappear from view, then with another sigh, walked towards my home. Paul's speech helped a bit, but no amount of pretentious philosophy could change the fact that the three most important girls in my life were gone, indefinitely. To say that sucked would have been an understatement, like saying Amelia Earhart was a little lost.
Hey I texted to Carson, hoping to find some comfort in just about the one friend I had left.
Hey buddy! You need to step up your game ;) Came the reply. It certainly wasn't the response I was expecting.
What? I simply asked him in response.
Guess who managed to secure another date with May? ;)
Well then. Fucking well then. That was hypocrisy if I ever saw it. Sure, May, by all means get mad at me and then turn around and do the exact same thing. I was tempted to text back what May had done with me just today, but after readying the message I thought, why? What would that do except prove that I was no better than Megan? With the umpteenth sigh I made that day, I texted back Way to go, dude!, put the phone down and pulled out my homework.