Megan was beaming as we walked down the hall, but still said nothing. I felt weird though, and like I had to say something.
"Uh, thanks again for that." I said to her as we walked. "I don't really know what to say but knowing this side of you is interesting. Like, in a good way."
"It's okay," she said, smiling at me. "I think I understand what you mean." She reached out to my hand and grabbed it, holding it as we walked.
"…What are you doing?" I asked her weirdly as I noted she had my hand in hers.
"What's wrong?" She asked me, her smile slowly disappearing.
"Well, I'm just not… y'know, comfortable with that." I answered, sounding kind of sheepish.
Megan was scowling at this point. "You were okay with me giving you a blowjob but holding hands is weird?" She asked me.
"Well, it just has a different meaning. A more intimate one. You yourself said the blowjob would be 'No Strings Attached,' remember?" I asked her. I realized that something was slowly blowing up between the two of us. I was starting to wonder if I had done something wrong or misinterpreted something.
"But…" Megan interjected, beginning to almost sound desperate. "But don't you feel differently about me now that we did that?"
"Differently?" I wondered aloud. "Megan, you agreed that this was without feelings. You promised me this was nothing more than a blowjob. Plus, I don't just get feelings for someone right when they blow me. That's not how it works. I thought you were through with being weird around me."
Yyyyup, that last one was definitely crossing the line. Megan looked at me with deep sadness in her eyes. "I thought…" She began.
I felt bad, but stood my ground. "You thought what?" I asked her with power in my voice.
She just shook her head and swallowed down tears. "Never mind. I'm gonna go now. I don't feel so good." She was fishing for some kind of answer, but it never came. I just stood there, looking at her. "And don't try to text me or anything tonight. I don't want to talk to you."
"Okay…" I said, concerned for her yet at the same time exasperated for myself. I couldn't find a single thing I did wrong. She approached me, she promised that there were no feelings, now she was mad at me for believing her? What kind of logic was that? Still, I figured I should try to remedy the situation in any way I could. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or anything…"
She didn't bother to stick around to reply to that. Instead she just marched down the hallway with a hurry in her step, making sure I couldn't catch up to her. I wasn't sure if she began to cry when she was halfway to the main hallway, but I could suspect she was.
God dammit. I hope she wasn't too upset. At the same time, though, I didn't feel too angry at myself, which was frankly a first. I checked my watch, wondering how long we were at it. 4:23. Well, at least I still had my ride home.
As I stood there in the hallway, I felt a big, crushing nothing over me. The nothing felt really bad. What was I supposed to do? What would happen in the future? All I knew was that I didn't want this situation to get worse than it already did. I had to keep this between Megan and I. No one else.
***
"Megan blew me." I confessed to Nicole as we neared her car. I expected Nicole to be shocked, or at least stop in her tracks, but she casually marched onward, carrying her camera, backpack and some kind of paperwork from her yearbook meeting.
"Should I light a candle?" She asked sarcastically, and flashed me a smile as she packed her stuff in the car. "Not my first choice of girl, but I'm glad you chose her over May."
"So you're not upset I did something with another girl?" I asked her as we both stepped into the car.
She turned towards me lazily with an annoyed expression on her face. "I'm gonna say it really slowly this time so you understand: I AM NOT THE JEALOUS TYPE." She slowly, loudly told me.
"Okay, okay. Sorry." I said, a little offended at her attitude.
She noticed. She stretched and lazily said, "Sorry, squirt. It's been a long day." She started that the car and added, "I'm actually kinda surprised. I didn't really think Megan was the no-strings type at all."
"Uh, yeah, about that." I sheepishly replied. Nicole put the car into park mode and leaned back.
"Thought so. Lay it on me, hotshot."
I told her everything. Her nervousness, the backpack, how she promised it would be casual, and how she got angry. After I finished, Nicole was silent for a good five seconds.
"Can I say something off the record?" she finally asked me.
"Uh, yeah, sure." I replied.
"You're really freaking dense." She said, looking into my eyes and displaying just how amused she wasn't.
"…Could we go back on the record please?" I asked her.
She gave a small laugh, but was still visibly pissed. "Girls think differently than guys. Guys use fake love to get to sex, and girls use fake sex to get love. Megan was trying to seduce you. She was hoping that by blowing you, you'd fall for her."
"But where'd she get a notion like that?" I asked her.
She just shrugged. "Point is, people don't always say what they want, and all girls, except yours truly, kind of feel more emotional than guys."
I was tempted to point out her reaction to Mitch's death, but I realized that would have been uncalled for, and just nodded with my mouth shut.
"Just be a bit wiser about stuff like that in the future, huh?" She continued. "Actually think. When people do things, they do it for a reason. When people do nice things in this world, it's because they want something. Sorry, it's a sucky truth. So before you do anything next time, consider her feelings, that's all I'm saying." She turned on the radio, signaling she was about to drive, and pulled the car into reverse.
I pouted. "Well then, why did y-"
"Ssh." She said urgently, suddenly bolting up from her seat. She put the car back into park and turned up the radio. Some kind of 80s tune filled the car, as Nicole relaxed back into her seat.
"Aaaaah." She moaned in pleasure. It obviously wasn't sexual, but still was weird. "God damn, I love Tears for Fears. I seriously think Pale Shelter gives me a religious experience." She finally said after a few seconds. She put the car back into reverse and I turned down the radio, not sharing her love for 80s music. Was I missing something? Everyone seemed to love the 80s but me.
"Sorry, squirt, were you saying something? I totally cut you off." She finally said once we were on the road.
I couldn't remember. "Don't remember. It probably doesn't matter anyways." I snapped. Keeping her eyes on the road, Nicole outstretched her arm to my shoulder and began to rub it sympathetically. Some people knew how to comfort people with words, but Nicole had the gift of knowing how to comfort people without using words.
I felt a familiar buzz in my pocket. Odd, who would be texting me now? Definitely not Megan. I took my phone out of my pocket and looked at the screen to see a message from May. It's actually been a while, I thought to myself.
Hey was all it read. She was still bad with punctuation, but she was starting to text more properly, like me.
Hey! How's it going? :) I texted back. I looked back at Nicole, who had her eyes closed, enjoying the music as she drove. Wait, she had her eyes closed?!
"Oh my God, Nicole, eyes on the road!" I said in a panicked voice as I eyed her and the road frantically.
"What do you take me for, squirt?" She lazily piped up. Just as we were nearing a stop sign, she came to a decent slow then a stop, right where we were supposed to. "There, see?" She asked, drawing attention that she hadn't opened her eyes once while doing that. "Now shut the fuck up. It's My Life by Talk Talk is up next."
"How'd you do that?!" I asked as she sped up again.
She sighed angrily and quickly spoke. "I memorized the distance and calculated how long it would take given my average speed to reach this point. If there was a car in front of me, I would have heard it. Satisfied?"
Of course the answer she gave me was pure bull, but she didn't have that usual sarcastic tone to her voice. Nevertheless, I turned my attention back to my phone, which had a new text from May.
Its okay was the whole text. May didn't usually give short replies unless she was upset.
What's wrong? :( I texted back.
"What's wrong?" Nicole asked mockingly, her voice dripping with fake concern. Yet when I looked up at her, her eyes were still closed. I think fucking with people was her hobby.