My arms were visibly shaking, and Phil's eyes were going back and forth, not knowing where this was going. Matt got up from his chair and practically ran to my side. "Hey man, you don't have to do this. If you're not okay, you can skip the speech." he whispered, concerned.
I used him coming up to my side to my advantage and pointed to him. "But thanks to this guy, Thanks to Matt and Megan Schneider, I'm okay. They saw I was not okay, and without even really knowing me, without giving it a second thought, they made sure I was okay." I was still shaking. I wasn't sure, but I think a single tear was falling from my eye. What a wimp, I scolded myself. I was crying in front of the whole school. I felt lame beyond the limits of lame.
"A school where people do that is a school I want to represent." I heard something coming out of my mouth. "In the past, I've been at schools where people will just as gladly take your lunch money or leave you with a bruise as say hi. I signed up for the student council, because thanks to you all, this is a school worth representing."
There was a large pause. It was clear I wasn't done, but I felt the pause was necessary. A second tear was now rolling down from my second eye, despite me telling my inner self to get a grip. Unlike other speeches, no one was saying a word in the crowd. My speech had silenced them. "If you vote for me as your grade 9 rep, I can't promise that I will fix every single thing you've told me. But I remember them, every single thing you've told me. And I can promise that I will fight like hell to make this school worthy of its students. If you guys can show me this strongly why you deserve the best, then you bet I will do anything I can to make sure this school becomes like its students – the best in the world."
It took Phil what felt like two whole minutes to stop half the crowd from continuously applauding as Matt helped me back to my seat. My hands were buried in my face now, and I wasn't happy or confident to admit it, but I was now bawling my eyes out. Was it a relief that it was over? Guilt that I was so lame as to cry during a speech? The past stress? I didn't know. All I knew was that I now had both Matt and Megan supporting me as I produced enough tears to irrigate a rice field, and that Blondie was up. I didn't pay much attention to him – I only learned later that he had bombed. Apparently he forgot his speech. I guess he should have made it up.
***
Since candidates aren't allowed to elect anyways, with Mr. Carrozza's blessing, I spent the rest of the period in the washroom freshening up as everyone else in the school voted. I showed up to his room around the same time as everyone else left.
Some people were congratulating me as they left. Others actually seemed ticked off. Apparently some students saw me crying and thought it was an act to get more votes, that I was faking it. At this point, though, I honestly didn't care anymore. The voting was done, my speech was done, I never had to do anything like that again.
As I picked up my backpack, Mr. Carrozza stopped me. "How did you know in your speech that those two were going to help you?" he asked. "Your experiment was a delightful success, but either you were lying or you were taking a great risk in knowing they would step to your aid if you wrote that on the weekend."
"Between us?" I asked Mr. Carrozza. He nodded. I looked around left and right, before leaning in and whispering, "I never wrote a speech."
"Oh, my my my my." Mr. Carrozza said to himself, collecting his thoughts. "Well I say, on the one hand, very well done!"
"…On the other?" I asked him.
"I mean no offense by saying this, young master Watson, but I expect more responsibility from the Student Council."
I couldn't contest that. He was right. I was supposed to write a speech, it was the rule. I'll have to look out for my responsibilities in the future, whether I get into the council or not.
"Point taken, sir." I said.
He nodded seriously, before adding, "Now run along. And don't call me sir, it makes me feel old."
As I left the classroom, I heard him mumble to himself, "My god, I am old." I chuckled to myself. Some things never change.
I walked down the hallway at a leisurely pace, enjoying my sudden feeling of inner freedom, when I heard a kind of shy "Hey." next to me.
I turned my head to see May. My gaze immediately went to the floor out of instinct, then back to her. "Hey!" I replied, not sure how confident it sounded.
"It was quite something you said today." she said, flashing me a smile.
I scoffed. "Yeah, if you count fake crying as 'quite something.'"
"It didn't seem fake to me. It seemed very real." she replied, softly yet strongly.
"It was, yeah." I said quietly.
"If you ask me, that was really brave." she told me, looking me straight in the eyes and flashing me a smile.
I smiled back. "Thanks." I said, not sure what else to say. I felt like if I talked to her, I might say something out of turn and… I mean, she clearly is okay with me now, I couldn't jeopardize that by talking to her! What if I say something and she doesn't talk to me for a week again? Maybe that's what happened last time. Maybe I offended her. Um, quick, look down at your shoes, I thought.
"What class do you have next?" she asked me, making me look up from my shoes.
"Um, math." I said dumbly.
She nodded. "I have geography."
"Ah, I see." I said quickly, ever-wishing I was more confident. "Well, uh… I hope you enjoy it."
"Yeah, you too." She smiled sweetly. "I'll see you in English?"
I laughed and said the first thing that came to mind. "God, I hope so." I immediately cringed after, and looked at her, seeing a look of disgust on her face.
Oh, never mind, that was my imagination working against me. She was actually just maintaining her smile. "Me too!" she said in a chipper manner. "See you!" She took off down another hallway.
I sighed, then inhaled sharply, catching a whiff of what I could guess was her perfume. I had no clue what it was, I just knew that it smelled absolutely lovely. Even after she was gone, the conversation replayed over and over in my mind, and I was fantasizing about talking some more. About her favorite color, or her grade 8 year, anything…
Wham. Right into the wall. I was lost in thought, I thought as I gingerly rubbed my nose. God dammit, I did have a crush on May.
***
Math class went by uneventfully until the announcement. Mr. Graves gave me a small nod as I entered the classroom, his form of a smile, clearly related to the Student Council incident. Mostly I just thanked Carson over and over for the first five minutes of class. I don't think I could have gotten through the speech without his kindness. He brushed it off and said I'd do the same. God, I hoped I was the kind who would.
The PA system crackled halfway through the lesson, signaling that someone had an announcement.
"Good morning, staff and students. This is Mr. Scott speaking." came the voice. Mr. Scott always began his announcements like that. "I'd just like to tell you that we've counted all of the votes and the results are in!"
"This is it, man, this is it." Carson told me.
"You're so excited about my possible achievement. What about you?" I asked him.
"Well, when I do something noteworthy, you'll be the first to know." He said. He added threateningly, "And you'd better be the first to congratulate me."
We both laughed it off as Mr. Scott continued. "Winning by a landslide, your grade 10 rep for next year is Matthew Schneider…"
Carson blew a raspberry. "Big shock. That guy's been a popular prep ever since he came here."
"Hey, he's a nice guy too." I came to his aid.
"I'll believe that when I see it." Carson fired back.
"And your grade rep for grade 9… Megan Schneider…"
My heart sank. I didn't particularly want the job, but it was something nice to work towards, and after pouring my heart out to the students, it was kind of sad to know that it was all in vain. Still I suppose this was an opportunity for me to see what I've gained from the experience and keep going from there.
"…And Adam Watson tied in the polls, so in an unusual circumstance, we've allowed them to both assume the role."
Well, fuck me. I won. Carson was the first to cheer in an unexpectedly loud fashion, and the other students chipped in to a lesser extent. Mr. Graves sat at his desk, without a smile yet clapping for me. It was the biggest gesture I've seen him give anybody.