Jace had spent most of the week in his chambers, he couldn't sleep and he would barely eat. He just sat on a chair looking out to the sea, his family were getting increasingly worried about him, especially his mother. Jace didn't really know what to do now, it was over, they had escaped Valyria 'Why don't I feel happy...' he thought to himself as he looked at the waves crashing against the rocks. When he had first woken up he was hysterical, he didn't truly remember what he said or did, but his mother had told him how he screamed to be taken back to Valyria. He gripped the handles of his chair as his memories started flashing to images of people being ripped apart by large pale men.
'I didn't deserve to escape...' he thought to himself as his eyes started to water. He stood up from his seat with a lot of difficulty, he pulled his tunic up and saw the bandages that had started to soak red with his blood; the maester had said that had he cut a couple centimetres more than he would've disembowelled himself and was lucky to be alive. He didn't feel lucky, he wanted to die with Valar, so he could make up for his mistakes. Now that he was alive he didn't know what to do, how could he move on when so many died because of his actions.
He hadn't seen Corlys or Daella at all in the week he'd been awake, he couldn't face them. Corlys lost men he had known for years because of him, some he knew because Jace was even born. Daella was a sweet and innocent girl who got thrust into hell because of his arrogance, he had no right to speak to any of them. He opened the doors to his balcony and walked out, the breeze coming from the narrow sea was pleasant on his skin, though the salt in the air stung the deep gash on his face. He ran his hand along the cut, it would scar, but he didn't really care about that, at least he would never forget the person who gave it to him.
*Knock*
*Knock*
Someone knocked at his door but Jace ignored it, he didn't feel like speaking. He didn't feel much like doing anything, he didn't know what he should do, Corlys and Daella were out of Valyria safely, he had done what he wanted to do. 'What can I do now when I plan to die,' he thought to himself pressing his hands against the balcony and looking over.
"I hope you don't plan on jumping, we did go through quite the effort to keep you alive," A voice said from behind him. Jace turned and saw his uncle Daemon walking through the balcony doors and standing next to him. He put his hand on Jace's shoulder and joined him in looking out into the narrow sea.
"You still not speaking?" He said as he looked down at his nephew, he squeezed his shoulder.
"I understand... sometimes there are just no words to say," he said sympathetically. His uncle was right, Jace didn't speak not because he couldn't, but because he had nothing to say. His uncle didn't say anything more and just kept him company.
Daemon still dreamt about the monster that Jace called Valar. He dreamt of how fast and strong the creature was, he had spent his whole life building himself up as a warrior just to be tossed around and defeated. It wore on his mind a lot, but what concerned him more was the fact that there could be other creatures such as that in the world they live in and Daemon didn't feel confident in fighting them.
"Your mother is worried about you," Daemon finally said breaking the silence between them.
"Many nights she weeps for you, she hopes you'll come back to her, we all do," he added.
He was about to open his mouth again but decided otherwise. Laena had been sick ever since she had come back from Valyria, it seemed that riding like that in her pregnant state had affected her quite badly. Daemon chose not to tell him as he could see that many things wore on Jace's mind, he didn't need this as well. In truth Jace looked terrible, his face was gaunt and his skin was sickly pale, his usually crystal blue eyes were dull and he had heavy bags under them; he looked nothing like the boy Daemon had seen barely a month ago.
"You beat the monster Jace, and you defeated a dragon the size of the Red Keep, all at ten-name days old, you should be proud of yourself," Daemon said as he squeezed his shoulder one last time and left the room. Jace turned to watch him before his gaze went back to the sea 'Proud of myself...' Jace thought to himself bitterly. He breathed out as he went back into his room and climbed into bed, he shut his eyes and hoped that when he opened them something might be different, but in his heart he knew it would all be the same.
...
Jace awoke to his door opening, he expected to see his mother walking in with his breakfast, but much to his surprise and horror it was Daella, she looked at him with tearful eyes and a sweet smile on her face 'Please don't look at me like that...' he thought to himself, he didn't deserve such a look from her, not after what he had done.
"Jace... I'm so happy..." she whispered as she put the tray down and walked over to the bed. Tears fell down her cheeks as she climbed onto the bed and knelt before Jace.
"I'm not allowed to be here... they said you didn't want to see me, but I couldn't stay away Jace, I've been so worried about you," she started saying as she sobbed.
"You were so hurt Jace, you were so hurt when I saw you, I thought you'd die," She said as she tried wiping her eyes.
"Seeing you here okay makes me so happy," she said as she inched forward to him. Jace didn't really expect this kind of reaction from her, he expected her to get angry and curse him for bringing her there in the first place, for making her get onto Vermax and travel to Valyria. 'No... Daella wasn't like that,' he thought to himself. He couldn't stand to see her cry though so he opened up his arms, as soon as he did she dived into them hugging him tightly and weeping.
Daella was suffering a lot from her time in Valyria as well. She remembered the night she spent in the darkness with the palemen surrounding her, she remembered seeing them move in the holes around the library. She dreamt of it all, although in her dreams she wasn't protected by Vermax and she was taken by them, she was dragged through the hole into the tunnel where she was ripped apart. There were nights she had awoken screaming, all she wanted to do was crawl into bed with Jace so it hurt that he would not see her.
"I'm sorry..." Jace whispered the first word he'd uttered in a week.
"Please don't leave me..." Daella said into his neck as the tears soaked his tunic.
Jace just wrapped his arms around Daella and hugged her tighter. She didn't deserve to be ignored by him, not after all she had been through. Daella hugged Jace until she fell asleep in his arms, Jace just rolled her over to the spot next to him and placed the blanket over her. If she wished to sleep with him, like he suspected she did then he would allow it, it was the least he could do for her.
Jace looked up slightly panicked as the door opened abruptly, though he calmed down when he realised it was his grandfather that walked in. He had an emotionless face like he usually did and a bandage around his arms and chest. "Get up and come with me," he said to Jace. At first, Jace was going to decline, but seeing the look his grandfather gave him he knew better than to. He slipped out of bed and put on his shoes before following his grandfather outside.
"I have given you a week to deal with what you must be feeling, but I'm afraid I will not give you any longer," Corlys said as they walked through the palace corridors. The Prince of Pentos had a large luxury palace that they had been allowed to stay in and while it was beautiful it was also unnecessarily large. Eventually, however, they got outside and as they walked across the courtyard Jace was greeted with the flapping of wings.
For the first time in a while, he smiled as Vermax dropped from the sky and landed on the ground with an earth-shaking thud. He rushed to Jace like a dog would its master; Jace had to admit that he was happy to see Vermax and to know he was okay. He ran his hands across the green scales as he placed his head against the dragon, the dragon trilled in his presence and even snorted flames from his nose.
"It's good to see you..." Jace whispered as he closed his eyes and sunk into the comfort his dragon gave him.
"So you haven't lost your voice, that's the rumour that the servants have spread around," Corlys said from behind Jace.
Jace didn't reply and kept on stoking Vermax's scales. Corlys sighed before grabbing Jace by the shoulder "Come, we aren't far," his grandfather said as he led Jace out of the walls of the palace and onto the edge of a cliff that dropped down into the narrow sea. Jace could see the rocks beneath and even absentmindedly kicked one and watched it smash against the rocks below.
"Jace... you need to let go of what happened," Corlys said as he looked down at him.
Jace snapped his head up in surprise, his grandfather was the last person he'd expect to hear those words from. "What do you mean!" Jace found himself snapping back.
Corlys did not frown at Jace or snap back at him, he simply sat down and let his legs dangle off the cliff. "When I was a young man I was a lot like you, the similarities between us still shock me to this day," he told him as he gestured for Jace to sit next to him.
"During my voyage to Asshai I lost half my crew, to the Thousand Islands I lost just as many, in Leng I lost one of my friends from the days of my childhood to the tunnels beneath the city," Corlys said in a low tone.
"I now find myself an old man, all of my friends from my youth are dead and only I remain, does not seem fair does it, the man that commanded them to such a fate gets to live," he said with a humourless chuckle.
"How can you bear it..." Jace asked in a whisper as he looked down at the sea. The guilt that gnawed inside him rushed through his body like a storm and made it almost unbearable for Jace.
"Because I realised what my guilt was, it was the anger I felt towards myself for what I didn't do or what I could've done... I thought a lot in those days on how I might've been able to save them," Corlys replied.
"My crew lived and died on my word, they knew that and they went into Valyria prepared for that."
"The only person you need forgiveness from is yourself... your guilt serves as nothing but a way to hurt you," Coryls said as he placed an arm on Jace's shoulder.
Have quickly shook it off and stood up from his seat on the cliff, he looked at his grandfather with an angry expression. "You expect me to forgive myself! How could I forgive myself knowing what my actions caused? The pain and death I am responsible for!" He shouted at his grandfather as tears started to flood his cheeks.
His grandfather stood up looking at Jace with nothing but sympathy, something which the boy couldn't stand. "You can't change what is done Jace, you can only move on," he said.
Jace wanted to scream and shout at his grandfather, he wanted to tell him he was wrong and he wanted to go back to his room and crawl under the duvet, but in the end, he did none of those things, instead, he just sagged his shoulders and looked up to his grandfather.
"How..." he asked weakly.
"Be better," he simply said.
"Be better?" Jace repeated with slight confusion.
Corlys nodded "As I told you before Jace, you cannot change what is done, but you can change what you'll do next."
"Don't dishonour the fallen by hiding away in your chambers, they did not give their lives so you could do that."
"Be a better man than you were before, that is how you honour those that have fallen," he said as he put his hands on his shoulders.
Jace looked up at him tears still falling from his eyes, he then looked out to the sea, his thoughts once again filling with that of Valyria. However they were interrupted when his grandfather hugged him "Let it go Jace, or you'll never truly leave that place," he said, Jace could hear the slight pleading tone in his grandfather's voice.
'I'm sorry everyone... but I promise I'll be better,' he thought as he looked out across the ocean. He would be the man and then King that everyone would look to and he would never let anything like this happen again.
"Thank you, grandfather," Jace said as he hugged the man tightly.
...
None were happier than Rhaenrya when Jace finally started to get better and improve. She made sure to spend as much time with him as possible, something which Daella joined her in, they all bathed together in the large bath house in the palace, they all ate together and they all slept together. It took a few more weeks for Jace to finally process what he had been feeling and start to act similar to his old self again.
"Uncle I want to be a better swordsman," Jace asked Daemon who was sitting at a table in the feasting hall reading a book.
Daemon looked at Jace with amusement "You are too small and thin, you wouldn't be able to learn much more than you have now," his uncle replied.
"Then I will grow taller and get stronger, I will learn whatever you have to teach me," Jace said with a fierce determination.
"Jace perhaps this could wait until you're a bit older," his mother said with worry as she sat opposite Daemon, with Daella by her side who was nodding.
Jace shook his head "I will start now, whether it be by you or on my own," he said leaving no room for argument.
Daemon nodded as he closed his book "Very well, but do not think I will go easy on you because you are my nephew."
"Then let us start!" Jace said.
Daemon shook his head "I must visit my wife, she seems to have grown worse and the children have been begging to see her," he said.
Jace felt a pang of guilt flow through him but quickly pushed it away with a deep breath "I hope Aunt Laena recovers soon..." was all that Jace could say.
"She will be, the healers here are good, but I think it best to take her to Dragonstone, the Maester there is a lot more experienced," Daemon said in a slightly solemn tone. He then stood up from his seat and rubbed Jace's head before going to see his wife. Jace had not seen her yet, he didn't know if he could without feeling all the guilt he had let go rush back to him.
"We will be returning to Dragonstone as well Jace," Rhaenyra informed him.
"From there we will travel to Kings Landing and answer the summon by the king," she continued with a slightly displeased look on her face.
"It seems he's been informed of your trip to Valyria and is not pleased," she said.
Jace nodded "I will accept any punishment the King will give me," he stated.
"He will not punish you, but the queen may insist on it which I will not let happen," she said trying to reassure her son.
"I hope to stay in Kings Landing for a while Mother," Jace said abruptly shocking Rhaenyra.
"Absolutely not, I won't have you anywhere near that snake pit for longer than is necessary," she snapped.
"I have to Mother, there is much to learn from many people there and many books for me to read in the great library, I will go there regardless of your wishes, but I will feel better if I have your permission," Jace said resolutely once more.
Rhaenyra looked at Jace with a small amount of heartbreak, the little boy she knew and loved was gone and in its stead was a man grown. He would never go back to being the adorable boy who would laugh and hug her all the time. The realisation of this brought a tear to her eye. "Very well Jace, but I will hire you a bodyguard that will protect you wherever you go," she said.
"Aren't the Kingsguard for that purpose?" he asked.
"Certain members of the Kingsguard are not to be trusted, since I've been gone I do not know how far that distrust has spread," she replied.
Jace nodded "Very well, I will allow the man you hire to protect me,"
Jace then turned around and walked out of the feasting hall. He would keep his promise to the fallen and become a better man, one that was stronger and wiser than before. He would learn everything there is to learn and become a better swordsman than even his Uncle Daemon.
'I swear...'
(AN: So we got the sad depressing stuff out the way now, Jace while still a child will become more mature after this, he won't take unnecessary risk and he will be determined to learn what he can to become the best man and eventually best king he can. He will learn from anyone he can, even those who might be considered enemies. I hope you liked the chapter.)
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