As Ailith patiently imparted her knowledge of harnessing magical energy, she placed great emphasis on the power of visualization as a starting point for my magical journey.
According to her guidance, the initial step involves consciously visualizing the ethereal currents of magical energy that envelop and infuse the world around me.
I heeded her words, closing my eyes to shut out the physical realm and open myself up to the vast possibilities of the magical realm.
With a renewed focus, I delved deeper into my imagination, picturing vibrant streams of magical energy swirling and pulsating in the atmosphere.
The visualization came alive in my mind's eye, as if I could reach out and touch the shimmering tendrils of mana that danced before me.
A tingling sensation began to permeate through my being, as if the very essence of magic was awakening within me, stirring my senses.
With each breath I took, I allowed myself to become fully immersed in this extraordinary visualization. The mana surged through my veins, interweaving with my own life force, creating an exhilarating connection between myself and the mystical energy that surrounded me.
It was a sensation difficult to put into words, as if my very existence had become entwined with the energy of the universe.
Surprisingly, the process of visualization came naturally to me, and I marveled at the ease with which I could perceive the magical particles. They emanated a radiant warmth, glowing with an iridescent brilliance that sparked my curiosity.
My focus became singular, observing the delicate dance of these particles as they shimmered and swirled, each imbued with its own unique hue of magical essence.
Lost in the exquisite beauty unfolding before me, a voice - Ailith's voice - reverberated within the depths of my consciousness. Her words resonated with me, infusing my understanding of this enchanting phenomenon.
They revealed that these magical particles held significance beyond their innate beauty; they could be manipulated and influenced through the power of words.
"We need a word to manipulate that particle," she had explained.
Her words echoed in my mind, raising a lingering doubt. How could I possibly harness the power of incantations and spells when I don't have the gift of speech?
It felt as if a sudden storm had cast a shadow over my dreams of becoming a skilled magician, leaving me adrift in a sea of doubt and uncertainty.
As Ailith explained the significance of words to me, a surge of anger coursed through my veins. The realization that I couldn't use words to harness the power of magic fuelled my frustration. My mind filled with curses directed at her, silently seething with resentment towards the dumb witch before me.
I fixated my gaze upon Ailith, glaring into her silvery eyes, hoping to convey my displeasure and disdain.
However, my glare seemed to have little effect as she casually dismissed it, shifting her legs and crossing them comfortably on the sofa. It was as if she reveled in her position of power, reveling in the knowledge that she possessed something I couldn't access.
In a condescending tone, she continued her explanation, seemingly oblivious to my inner turmoil. She spoke of the mystique surrounding ordinary magicians and the integral role of incantations and chants in their craft.
Ailith emphasized how these words served as a conduit and catalysts , channeling intentions and desires into tangible manifestations of magic.
At that moment, I began to grasp her purpose in sharing this information with me. She was attempting to provide insight into the world of magic and how an average magician learns to utilize its powers.
It dawned on me that her intent wasn't solely to highlight my disadvantage but to foster understanding within me.
As the realization settled, my anger began to subside. I started to see the value in comprehending the process of casting spells and the role of words in the realms of magic. While I amb unable to speak them myself, I understood that repetition and practice could carve these incantations into the very essence of a magician.
Just as Ailith effortlessly summoned her barriers, her reflexive gestures were a testament to the countless times she had cast the spell, embedding it within her muscle memory.
Continuing her explanation, Ailith expanded on the power of words in shaping our instincts and guiding our spell casting.
She emphasized that each chant carried its own unique resonance, and through repeated practice, these vibrations became imprinted within the consciousness of a magician.
They became ingrained in their very being, serving as mnemonic triggers to awaken their inherent knowledge of spell execution, leading to the ability to cast silently.
As her words resonated in my mind, a new realization began to dawn upon me. The words and spells themselves were not the ultimate source of power. They acted as catalysts, facilitating the utilization of mana and aligning the forces of the universe to fulfill the magician's commands. Ailith's hand rested on her chin, a contemplative gesture punctuating her explanation.
The pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place, and a newfound clarity washed over me. My earlier conclusion that I needed a catalyst, like words, to harness the mana, was reaffirmed.
A surge of excitement coursed through my veins as I recognized the solution to overcome my inability to perform magic. It felt as though a veil had been lifted, and a path previously obscured had now been illuminated.
With a satisfied tone, Ailith concluded her lengthy explanation and shifted her position on the sofa. Looking at me intently, she asked a simple question, "Did you get it?" In response, my mind echoed with a confident retort, "Of course, I understand, you dumb witch!"
As the revelations settled within me, another thought struck with a terrifying force. I realized the profound implications of my own thinking and came to a momentous realization.
The dormant tendency that had lain silent within me, now stirred to life. It was a tendency that, when awakened, would consume my focus, forsaking bodily needs such as eating and sleeping. Its appearance signaled an intense interest and an insatiable drive to master the very essence of that which captivated me.
A wave of horror washed over me, as I realized the implications of this formidable aspect of myself. It had propelled me to surpass basic nursing knowledge, acquiring mastery far beyond what was expected. It had driven me to achieve a PhD-level understanding of engineering and nurtured remarkable artistic abilities. Now, it had resurfaced once again, unforgiving, and unyielding in its pursuit.
"No, no, no!" I cried inwardly. I desperately rejected its presence, fully aware of its terrifying potential. The moment this tendency emerged, it consumed me, leaving no room for anything else but the object of my obsession. It was a double-edged sword that I dreaded wielding, for the power it bestowed also brought immense sacrifices.