Ryan, however, has changed. When I left, he was a chubby, baby-faced Black kid with a penchant for blue lipstick and metal band t-shirts with illegible fonts on them. He grew up into a broad-shouldered dad-type who, yes, is wearing a band t-shirt, but who is also comfortable cooking dinner at a stove with twelve burners.
If they saw how people live outside the pack…
"So, it's a marriage of convenience, then? Just to dodge the Dave?" That's a little depressing. "You know, I always thought you were gay, Ryan. I just thought you were afraid to come out."
"Oh, I am," he answers without hesitation. "It's not just a marriage of convenience for Hannah. She's helping me out, too."
"And the fertility clinic helped us out, as well." Hannah picks up her half-empty beer bottle and tips the neck toward me.
"The gay dude and the asexual woman somehow had trouble conceiving," Ryan says with mock regret.
"Wow, I feel like an asshole for not knowing any of this," I admit.
"You're the one who invoked the Right of Accord and took off," Ryan reminds me.
"But you're back now, right?" Hannah's large brown eyes widen further in trepidation. "You're going to stay?"
"I…" Just by coming back, I'm implying that I'm going to transform and stay with the pack forever. What's the point of telling them about my doubts?
"You can't leave," Hannah says, a hard edge of anger creeping into her words. "Not again."
"You both said you were okay with it." When we found the Right of Accord referenced in a pack history book, we'd never heard of it. All three of us considered invoking it.
"I thought I was, but I'm stupid. I needed you when we were going through all of this, and I couldn't talk to you. They wouldn't give us any information about where you went or what you were doing," she goes on. "I missed you. Don't leave again."
My heart aches. "If I stay, I have to honor the mating pact. And I don't know if I can."
Ryan takes a pan off the heat and leans down to open the oven door. The smell of the steak under the broiler makes my stomach growl. They just went in a minute ago, but he's already removing them.
I don't mind. Transformation or no transformation, werewolves like our meat warm, not cooked.
"We made it work," Ryan says, like the situations are remotely similar.
Hannah has my back. "Uh, no. In our situation, neither of us thought the other one was going to be the traditional submissive little wife. That's what Ashton is going to want her to be."
"And I'll be miserable for the rest of my life." A lump rises in my throat. "But I'll be miserable without you two, and without Tara and Clare."
"I notice Vivianne and Thomas aren't on that list," Hannah says with a snort.
"First of all, they're the ones who set up the stupid mating pact in the first place. Second…they're not talking to me." I deflate a little. I don't know why I feel like I did something wrong; I didn't. The king asked me to dance. Was I supposed to refuse him?
"I heard about the ball. Sorry." Hannah winces.
"Why weren't you there?" It's more a lament than a question. "It was horrifying. Everyone just stared at me."
"If I had known you'd be there, we would have been. We pledged fealty at the morning council session," Hannah says. Ryan shoots a look to her.
"Ryan…are you a member of the council now?" This is interesting. And could work in my favor. It never hurts to have friends in high places.
He shakes his head. "No. Not yet. But I am in the running. Those of us on the shortlist were invited to morning session."
"It seemed more prestigious than the ball," Hannah says, and she's transparently talking bullshit.
I call her on it. "You didn't want to pay for a sitter."
"That too." She gestures to my empty bottle. "Another one?"
"Sure." When she gets up and goes to the refrigerator, I ask, "So, is it a secret?"
"Is what a secret?" she asks.
"Ryan being in the running for a seat on the council. You guys did a secret married couple eye communication thing." I point an accusing finger at Ryan.
"We just don't want to jinx it," Hannah explains. "It's hard to know who your friends are these days."
"Wait…" I sit up straight. "You guys don't know if you should trust me?"
"That's not it," Ryan says quickly. "It's just…a lot of stuff happened while you were gone. And you danced with the king last night—"
"Because he asked me to," I protest. "Hannah, would you turn down the pack leader if he asked you to dance? And keep in mind, the alternative is to keep talking to Ashton fucking Daniels."
"Your feelings are hurt," Hannah says, but she doesn't apologize for it.