I wish he hadn't woken up.
Swallowing her inexpressible sincerity, the Countess of Trier, let out a deep sigh. Beyond the closed door of the hospital room, cries close to screaming had already been heard for several minutes.
"I'm sorry, Countess. My father is very agitated. I think it's going to be difficult to visit him right now."
Odette examined the situation and apologized for the inconvenience. Unlike her appearance as if she would collapse at any moment, her expression and voice were rational and calm.
"There is no need for that. I heard that he will never be able to walk again, so that's okay."
The Countess of Trier touched Odette's shoulder comfortingly as if to say she understood. Meanwhile, the screaming that roared through the corridors of the hospital stopped. The doctors seemed to have taken appropriate action.
Duke Dissen had finally woken up after being unconscious for several days.
The Countess knew she shouldn't wish for a person's demise, but the thought of Odette's future made her heart ache inexplicably.
She might have to take care of her crippled father for the rest of her life.
Needless to say that her only hope of marrying Bastian Klauswitz was also in vain.
What kind of crazy man in this world would want to marry a woman who was burdened with endless misery?
"I'll tell the imperial family, so don't worry about the hospital bill. If the emperor doesn't step forward, I'll make sure the country helps…"
"Thank you, Countess. I'm ashamed to ask…but please."
Odette blinked for a moment and bowed her head.
"Please ask His Majesty for his understanding of the marriage proposal on my behalf. And please, the pension…."
"My dear, Odette."
The Countess of Trier's eyes watered as she looked at Odette, who inevitably could not continue to speak and only her lips quivered.
Even in such despair, the Princess's daughter must worry about the tiny pension. Remembering how she (Countess) had used that very pension as a weapon to seek her agreement to the marriage proposal, she (Countess) felt as if she was choking.
Unable to find appropriate words of comfort, the Countess just simply stroked Odette's cheek. It was then that another commotion occurred.
"Sister!"
A thin girl ran down the hospital corridor, crying out of her breath.
"I'm sorry, Countess. Could you please wait a moment?"
Odette let go of the hem of her skirt that she had twisted in her hands and excused herself.
It seemed that her ugly father wasn't the only burden on this child's thin shoulders.
Her breath choked in her throat, but the Countess of Trier gave her a nod.
"Yes. Don't worry and go."
***
"Am I going to prison now, sister? Huh?"
After crying for a long time, Tira finally spoke up.
Odette hurriedly looked around and dragged the child to a corner in the backyard of the hospital.
"Father doesn't remember it."
Pushing Tira under the thick shade of the larch, Odette lowered her voice to a whisper.
"I think his memory is fuzzy because he was drunk. He believed he tripped and fell. If he believes that, then that's the truth."
Odette's voice was resolute.
"Oh, sister…"
"So forget about it. It was an unfortunate accident that couldn't be helped."
"But surely, I… I pushed father with my own hands."
"Shut up, Tira."
"I'm so scared. Even if father doesn't remember, what if someone who lives in the building saw it?"
Seized with extreme anxiety and fear, Tira began to tremble as if she had chills.
"Yes. It must have been. How much the manager's wife hates me. She could have been watching me that day. She saw it! I think she was hiding behind sister, behind the stair railing."
"Tira, please."
"I'm going to the police station now. If I turn myself in, the punishment will be decreased. I'm scared to death at this rate. I'm going to hell, sister, I'll tell father…."
Smack!
A harsh slap to the cheek interrupted Tira's uncontrollable antics.
"Get a hold of yourself."
Odette sternly scolded and grabbed Tira's shoulders firmly. Terrified, Tira raised her head, swallowing her cries.
"Listen carefully, Tira. What you did was a legitimate self defense. No matter what anyone says, that fact doesn't change."
"Sister..."
"I don't believe in God, but even if there was a God, he wouldn't send you to Hell for this. But if someone has to go to Hell, I'll go. Do you understand?"
Looking around once more, Odette looked straight at Tira.
"I don't want you to be unhappy because of something that is already irreversible."
Unlike the harsh hand that had struck her, Odette wiped away Tira's tears gently.
"Keep it a secret. Do it for me, please."
"Yes…."
A thin moan-like answer escaped Tira's lips.
"Sorry. I'm so sorry, sister."
With a face contorted in pain, Tira hugged Odette tightly.
Odette closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around the child's trembling body.
Tira's violent crying finally subsided after her tears soaked Odette's blouse.
The rustle of the leaves infiltrated the calm that came after the tumult.
Odette held her sister for a long time after that. She was actually nervous and scared just like Tira,
but she couldn't bear to express it.
Love was a responsibility.
And faith sustained her weary heart.
Odette loved Tira. Therefore she had to take responsibility for this child.
Regaining her strong will, Odette wiped Tira's messy face with her sleeve.
She straightened her disheveled hair and fixed the shape of her crooked collar.
"Let's go back now."
Odette took Tira's hand and left the backyard. By the time they reached the second floor of the hospital corridor where their father's room was located, even the small sniffles had stopped.
"Did the talk go well?"
The Countess of Trier, who was sitting on a chair in the hallway, approached the two sisters.
"If you say sorry one more time, I will get angry."
The old lady with a stern expression stopped Odette from apologizing.
"The doctor said it would take three or four more hours for your father to wake up from sedation. In the meantime, I'll assign someone to guard his sickbed, so come with me. It looks like you've been up all night for days, go get some rest. Only then will you be able to hold out."
"No, Countess. I'm fine."
"You look anything but fine."
"If you don't mind… could you please take Tira instead of me?"
After thinking for a moment, Odette made a cautious request.
Only then did the Countess of Trier take notice of the scruffy girl hiding behind her sister's back. Odette's half-sister, who was watching her with a timid face, bowed her head while greeting her in a crawling voice. She looked like a mess, but at least she didn't look like a spoiled child.
"I think it will be difficult to leave Tira here because she is in a state of shock. And there is no one at home to take care of this child..… ."
"OK. Let's do that. I will take the child with me."
The Countess of Trier hastily agreed. Odette treated her half-sister, who was only four or five years younger than her like her own child.
Odette's past life reflected in her appearance weakened the heart of the strict old lady.
"Instead, you should come to my house and rest tonight. Don't be foolish and stubborn. At times like this, a true lady should stop pretending to win."
"Yes. I will."
Odette smiled with a pale face and nodded her head.
"….Thank you, Countess."
Hesitant, Odette expressed her gratitude. Countess Trier's wrinkled lips drew a soft arc as she stared blankly at her.
The abandoned daughter of the princess was much more like a princess than her own mother.
The fact made her feel infinitely sad.
***
It was a sunny spring afternoon.
Odette sat on a green bench with chipped paint in places and looked at the flower beds in the backyard of the hospital.
The colorful flowers swaying in the soft breeze looked like dancers in beautiful dresses.
The day was warm, and the scent of roses and honeysuckle wafting into the air was sweet. The time when everything turned golden. The only alienated entity in this beautiful spring festival was Odette.
This world had no interest in mere mortals.
Odette was well aware of this fact. Just as time flies and flowers bloom and fall along with the changing seasons, sometimes it's sunny, and sometimes it rains. There was no room for an individual's joy or sorrow anywhere in that ruthless and solid order.
It was just that.
Even if it had rained today, Odette's mood would not have been different. Only the cause of it had changed from a sense of alienation to a sense of sameness.
She would have been equally miserable and depressed.
I know. I know all too well.
But even so, there were moments when she felt inevitably weak. Now was such a time. And it seemed like it could be as ugly and shabby as it was today.
Odette gazed at the too beautiful and heartbreaking landscape with a face like a lost child. Her braided hair was half undone, but it didn't matter.
She didn't bother with her crumpled clothes and dusty shoes either. Even her mother, who was morbidly obsessed with dignity, could not have blamed the current Odette.
Tira went to the Countess of Trier's house while her rampaging father was sleeping off the forced administering sedatives.
Thanks to that, there was peace, but it was only a temporary respite. A fierce wave would soon swallow Odette. It was around the time when she wished to become a flimsy bubble, easily burst and disappear when the sound of footsteps began to be heard from the other side of the promenade.
The movement, which was getting closer, stopped at the edge of the bench where Odette was sitting.
The first thing that caught her eyes as she was with her head down was a long shadow cast over her feet.
The dazzling light on the white shoes pierced her eyes. It was an familiar sensation.
Odette raised her gaze, seized by a sense of foreboding.
As her gaze climbed up the long legs wrapped in pants the same color as the shoes, a white jacket came into view. From then on, a more brilliant feast of light followed. A golden belt, splendid medals and insignia. Shoulder straps and epaulettes made of gold thread. As soon as she recognized the decorations that symbolized soldiers' honor, Odette's gaze reached its destination.
It was Bastian Klauswitz.
He looked down at the stunned Odette and slowly took off his hat. Seen in the bright sunlight, his eyes were a much clearer, more vivid blue than Odette had remembered.
"I heard about the accident. I'm sorry about the duke's misfortune."
Bastian's first words brought a sense of reality to the otherwise unbelievable situation.
Odette raised her slumped body and faced him. She first gave him a silent bow and Bastian then bowed his head in response.
"Please give me a moment of your time, Lady Odette. I have something to talk to you."
Bastian brought up his main point
without delay. Though it sounded more like a command than a request.