Beth walked away from the prison with a lot more on her mind than she had when she went in to go see Rodger. She knew things were really stale between the two of them, but the things that she was feeling for the guard were so far out in left field that she was just blown away. She had to admit that she was now feeling better than she had in a long time. As her thoughts turned to what she wanted to wear she glanced at her reflection in the window. She stopped walking and really started looking at herself then she started straightening her hair. She thought that when she had dressed, she had put on one of the things that Rodger had seemed to like her in. But it was not like he had commented on the way that she had dressed in years. It was as if he would look right past her if there were any other girls around. No matter if she looked better than they did or not.
Beth had noticed him checking out some cleavage here and there, or if they were bending over, she knew that he would be checking out their asses. The first time he did it she was appalled that he would do that with her right there. She corrected him, but it really never stopped, and he just got better at trying to hide it. Lately, he hasn't even been trying to hide what he was doing. It was as if he didn't even care about her or the way that she felt at all. He definitely didn't care about if she saw him checking out all the other women.
The more that he was doing it to her the less that she started caring just how she looked. Then she started not taking any extra time to try and look her best, she found for the most part it didn't matter. She thought that it was just natural that the husband just lost interest and the wife just stopped caring after a while. At least that was the way it was for her.
Her attention turned to her kids and the care of them, leaving Rodger just there to bring in the money. She knew that she shouldn't feel this way. She thought back to her youth, and she heard about women who thought about guys like that. How they just married because the guy could support them. She thought that those women were sick. She knew that she didn't want an arranged marriage just so that she was taken care of. She wanted one that was based on love and the desire to be together. At first, Beth thought that she had that with Rodger but that faded as she was seeing some of the things that Rodger was doing.
Beth thought back to when she first met Rodger and she had thought that he was so good-looking, and he had noticed her, and it didn't take him long to start chasing after her. Thinking about it she let out a little giggle knowing all the things that he had to do to see her she wanted to make sure that he really loved her and not just the way that she looked. She had been convinced that he did before she let him even get past handholding and kisses.
Beth frowned at this point thinking of how he was treating her after the first child was born and then it just seemed to grow worse with each child. She loved all her children and would do anything to make them happy, but was this really what her life was supposed to be?
Beth noticed that the lines in her face deepened as she thought about it. Beth gasped at the way that things were looking. Then she thought about the guard and the way that he had made her forget all about the things that were bringing her down. She saw as her face lit up, and even when she saw herself blush. She noticed how much different she was looking now that she was thinking of things that were making her feel happy. Then all of a sudden, she no longer wanted to be in these plain clothes. She wanted to go back to looking desirable, even if it was not Rodger who was going to be desiring her.
Taking a closer look at her reflection she saw a beaten-down old woman and she made a resolution right there on the spot to never look this way again. At that point, she smiled. Other than when she had been thinking of the guard it was the only time that she seemed to be happy and smiling in years. As she stood there smiling, she noticed something, the people who were looking at her gave her smiles back making her feel even better. As she looked at all the men's faces, she could see that a lot of them were desiring her and that was just helping her feel more wanted.
Beth thought about Rodger and his warning not to come back and not to go to the trial. She listened to him explain how Stan could get his hands on one of the kids there if they went to it. So, she could tell that he didn't want her or the kids more or less leaving the room until it was all over. So that no one could capture one of them and use the child as a hostage and force him to cover for Stan.
If this had happened when Rodger had just started working for Stan. She would have believed what Rodger was telling her. But she has been around him for too many years. She knew that Rodger was willing to throw anyone under the bus to save himself. As he had demonstrated more than once by throwing her under the bus so he could save himself.
Beth thought about it and knew he was not that worried about her or the kids unless there was something in it for him. Beth stood there in horror at the thought it was something that she had never really thought about before and had never expressed but as she stood there thinking she knew it was right he didn't really care about her or the kids. Thinking that way the smile on her face wilted and tears started forming in her eyes. She for once in her life was being forced to look at Rodger and how he was. She took off the rose-colored glasses and saw every fault and everything that she had been turning a blind eye to.
Beth felt sick to her stomach, she was facing everything now unable to hide from her thoughts. So, if Rodger didn't want her coming to the trial it must be that he was just trying to hide more shit from her like always. As the tears ran down her cheeks, she wondered just how much more he could be hiding from her. After all that she had forgiven him or just overlooked because she didn't want to see it.
Beth froze in her tracks as she tried to accept everything that she was now thinking. Beth found herself asking what she was supposed to do now. It was not like she could just walk away from him and the kids and if she had the kids, she needed him to be there to bring in the money so that they could survive. She didn't know what to do, she had only worked around the house cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids. She was unsure what she was going to do. She at this point just wanted her old life back. She fought back that feeling she didn't want her old life back she wanted a new life just with a little security.
Beth at this point didn't know how it was going to be possible, but she knew that was what she wanted. She knew that you didn't have to know how to get it even though you wanted it. She just was not sure how Rodger was going to play into this, or if he was, even if he got out. She knew that he was going to be without a job or any way to provide for them. She knew that they were going to be getting a siphon to take care of Gina and the neighbors were kind enough to set one up for Katie as well. That had rubbed her the wrong way for a long time that they had changed Katie thinking that their money was enough to make Katie one of theirs.
Beth was conflicted with the thoughts that they were doing something that was good for her girl and the fact that Katie was showing that she loved Gina and her parents more than she loved her own siblings. Beth knew that Katie had to have been calling them Mom and Dad even though she had never heard it come out of her mouth. Gina had tried with them, but it always rubbed her the wrong way. Gina was not her sister even though they acted like she was, and they looked close enough to be twins. It still came down to that she wished that they had never moved in next door. When the accident happened to them, she couldn't help but feel a little relieved that she was not going to have to compete for her daughter's love for them. She knew that she had plenty of other children and Katie was one of the ones that it was easy to overlook since she was stuck in the middle, but no parent wanted to see their child taken from them. The child giving more love to someone else that they had adopted as a parent just because they were around, especially knowing that the ones that they were giving their love to would never love them as much as their real parents do. Part of what made it so hard was the fact that she had so many children and they only had one.
Beth struggled with this like all good parents. She wanted what was best for the girl, but at the same time, she didn't want her to forget where she came from. As she saw Katie changing into another Gina right in front of her eyes. The love that she and Rodger should have been getting was going to Gina's parents just because they had money.
Beth knew that even if Katie loved Gina's parents, she still loved Rodger and her even if she was not doing a good job of showing it. Beth had tears running down her cheek thinking about the day that she had come home from the store and found out that Katie was missing and that she had taken off with Gina. Beth was not sad at all knowing that Gina was gone. Although she had just lost her parents, and she was young. It did make her feel sorry for her, but that was no reason that she should have run away taking Katie with her.
The worst part was that she remembered Rodger peeking in on them and that had to be why they felt the need to run off. She wished that she had talked to the girls about it, but she had no idea of what to say to them to make anything better. The guilt that she had been feeling intensified thinking that if she could have gotten them to stay there then Rodger would never have left and wound up in prison.
A strange man walked up to her at this point and asked, "Are you okay? Are you looking for something in particular?"
Beth's mouth dropped open she had not even noticed him before he was standing right there in front of her. She gave him a quick look over and saw that he was the shop owner. The man was a short fat bald man who only had hair on the sides of his head. Even though he was wearing a hat you could see that it didn't quite cover his baldness. It looked like a funny little hat and matched the apron that he had in front of him. He looked clean even though the apron had been splattered with a little blood. The big warm smile that he was giving her was welcoming with just a bit of concern showing in his eyes.
When Beth didn't reply he said, "I have been watching you standing there. We are open you can come in is there anything that you want?"
Beth took a good look through the window and did not realize that she had been looking at her reflection in the window of a butcher's shop. She blushed not knowing just what to say then said, "I am sorry I..."
Then she didn't know just how to finish the sentence, it was not like she wanted to tell him anything that she had been thinking about. She looked in the shop hoping that there was something that she could ask him so things would not seem so weird. But it was just an average shop leaving her nothing to talk about but the prices of the meat that she saw in the window.
Beth forced a smile as she tried to think of any question that seemed like it would fit.
The butcher had seen this sort of thing before. They come to the window and about start drooling looking at the meat, but without any way to pay for it. If they were children he could tell that they were orphans living on the streets. He would let them have some of the scraps so that they could make some kind of soup and at least eat. But this woman did not look like she was homeless underdressed or dirty at all. In fact, even though she looked like she was in her late thirties she was looking good. He could tell that she was married but there was something off about her.
Looking at her face he could see it was the smile that she was giving him, it was obvious that it was not a sincere smile. By the looks of her, she was not used to smiling or being happy.
The butcher asked, "Would you like to come in and get a better look."
At this point, he could not tell if she had money or not. There was nothing that she had on that just screamed that she was wealthy, but at the same time, there was nothing showing that she was broke. He made it his practice to treat everyone as if they had money until they proved that they didn't.
Beth said, "I am sorry I need to get going now I might take a look at what you have later." With that, Beth blushed and turned and walked away. She needed to get back to the kids who would be waiting for her to return.
The butcher still could not get a good read on her. So, he said, "Will have a good day. See you again."
The butcher thought that was really weird she stood there looking in the window for a very long time, but he couldn't tell what she had been looking at. He took a moment and stood there looking in the window about where she had been standing to try and see if there was anything that was looking really good or really bad based on the fact that she wouldn't come in. When he didn't see anything, he took another look at her and even though the dress that she was in was not very flattering in the way it hung on her he could still see that she had a great body for her age. He started thinking that he could give her some good deals to keep her coming back to the store.
With that thought and a smile on his face, he went back into the store.
Beth walked down the street toward where the kids were then looked back to make sure that no one was following her. She saw that the butcher was looking at her with a weird smile on his face. It creeped her out a little with the way that he was looking at her. Beth looked around and now she was seeing just why she was getting so much attention.
As she looked, she saw that she was the only woman around. It was not like the place was crowded or anything, but at first, she had not noticed any other females at all. Then she noticed a very old woman who was beating a rug on a line, but she was the only other woman around.
For a moment Beth looked around harder there just had to be more females there than just her and the old woman. She then realized that this place had a small almost nonexistent population. Everyone was here for the prison. Either being an inmate or guard, or someone taking care of the needs of the prison, or the court where they were judged. She had heard that the judge was a traveling judge, with everyone having to wait for a judge to come around to be tried and sentenced or let go.
Now that made Beth even more self-conscious, knowing that everyone would be looking at her. As she looked around, she saw that she was right, every eye was looking at her and she saw that more than a few were undressing her with their eyes. Each one wore a lustful smile just waiting to get a better look.
Without thinking she instinctively covered herself as if she had been standing there nude in front of them. Feeling the dress that she was in didn't seem to help at first then she realized that the dress was covering her just fine there was no need to worry about them seeing anything, but she could see why Rodger warned her about her and the kids.
Beth frowned, she knew that she was not going to leave the children alone much, but there were times when she was going to have to be away from them. She knew that even though they for the most part could look after themselves or the oldest ones could keep an eye on the youngest ones, they were going to be on her mind the whole time.