Why is he here?
He let himself be kissed all over the face by this long, white-haired man.
"I miss you, my son."
"Me too, dad."
He closed his eyes and succumbed to his fate. They just met last week; why is this man acting like this?
Asteric finally put him down on the couch.
"Why are you here, dad? Aren't you busy?"
Asteric slumped down on the couch next to him.
"Can't I come to meet my son? Are you trying to shoo me away, Micha?"
"No, no, no! I'm not!"
He would never get used to this side of Asteric. He had always been familiar with a kind of father who does not express much, and Asteric is the exact opposite of that kind of father.
He never knew someone who is a father could act like this towards their children. It's new and foreign to him, really. But he did not hate it. Just sometimes annoyed, maybe a little.
"I heard you had a duel with Raihan's son two days ago."
"Yes. We end in a tie, though."
Asteric just smiled.
"You just need to practice more, then."
'Beat that brownie's son in the ass next time, Micha!'
His thoughts are different from what he said.
His sense of rivalry with his friend never dimmed. Besides, he and Raihan are the only ones who have gotten married and have kids. They did not say it, but their looks managed to show that they were proud of their son, and they secretly compared their sons to see who was better.
No one wants to lose. But Asteric had already lost when Michaelis was taught swordsmanship by Raihan. He remembered the smirk Raihan gave him when he appointed Raihan as his son's sword instructor. At that moment, he really wanted to change the instructor, but Raihan was the most talented swordsman in their empire.
He could just scowl at that smirk at that time.
Asteric looked at Michaelis, who was drinking milk and eating dark chocolate. He wondered if lost memories changed his son's taste of food that much.
Michaelis never drank milk in the past after he had a taste of tea. Since then, Michaelis has started drinking tea rather than milk, but now he won't even touch any tea.
"I've heard from Raihan and Celix."
Asteric saw Michaelis flinch slightly. Michaelis' mouth feels dry. Is he going to be scolded? He should have expected that Asteric would know about this after he knew the relationship between those three.
Asteric must feel disappointed that he has become a disobedient son.
"You'd practice aura on your own."
Michaelis looked down. His fingers are fidgeting. He formed a small circle on his palm.
"I am."
"Mind telling me what drives you to learn aura?"
Michaelis took a deep breath before he opened his mouth.
"I am curious to know why we can't learn aura in the academy."
He should apologize before he explains. But his mouth ran free into more detail about why he learned aura and magic.
"I also learned magic. I read from the books and practised those two from there. I did not do that often, just when I had some free time after classes. I tried to control both of those and see if I managed to do that. I am curious as to why I am prevented from learning magic at this age, and I am curious as to why aura was not taught. But now I know after Sir Raihan and Celix told me yesterday. I am aware that I have disobeyed you and almost inflicted an injury on Young Master Rezal if I'm not careful enough. I should have known not to answer my curiosity and just listen to an adult. I apologize, father. I was wrong. I will reflect on my actions by not reading any books about aura and magic again."
"Michaelis."
He stopped himself from flinching again. He nodded but did not look up at Asteric. So he did not notice the frown of concern on Asteric's face.
"Look at me, Michaelis."
Michaelis swallowed his saliva before he slowly raised his head to look at Asteric. When his hazel eyes met the blue eyes, a sudden emotion that he thought had died down emerged again within him.
Helpless.
Asteric raised his hand and brought it closer to Michaelis. He flinched at the sudden movement, and Asteric stopped, but he continued and put his hand gently on top of Michaelis' head.
"I am not mad, Michaelis."
He looked back at Asteric to see a gentle smile on that handsome face.
"You did something wrong, but I am not mad at you."
His head was patted in slow motion by Asteric. This feels weirdly comforting.
"I'm actually proud of you."
Thump.
His heart was being squeezed. His mouth is shaking.
"W.. why?"
"Hm? Because you admit your mistake and seek an adult's help when you notice something wrong happening."
Why? That does not make any sense. Why is Asteric proud of him when he clearly disobeys him? Asteric is weird. Weird.
"But I disobey you and Riri."
"Yes, you did."
"So why didn't you feel angry?"
'Why didn't you scold me?'
'Why didn't you glare at me?'
'Why are you comforting me instead?'
'This does not make any sense.'
"Because I'm more worried about what would happen to you than being mad at you. Besides, you're already aware that you've done something wrong. Not all people are brave enough to admit their own mistakes. But you do, and I am proud of you because of that."
Weird. Asteric is a weird father.
"Hey, why would you cry? I did not scold you, Micha."
He is being picked up again by Asteric. His head rested on Asteric's shoulder while his back was tapped lightly.
"Micha, please stop crying. I'm not going to scold you or anything."
Crying? He? The first and last time he remembered crying in this world was the first time he opened his eyes in this world.
He sniffed when he felt his nose was clogged by something. He really did cry. For real? For what reason this time?
"I'm sorry."
"I forgive you."
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine, Micha."
He kept repeating the same sentence. Only God knows how he feels right now. He feels stuck between reality and dreams. He thought this was just a dream where he received such praise from someone called Father.
Asteric did not let Michaelis go, even for a second. He comforted his crying son in his embrace. He came to have a light talk, but he didn't know it could escalate into this.
He didn't even expect Michaelis to cry all of a sudden. Maybe, just maybe, he understands why his son is crying. His son began acting like someone new. Eating something new, doing something new, and even acting by his own will.
This is the first time Michaelis has ever done something this big, which is learning aura by himself, which could endanger him. Asteric is sure that Michaelis just feels guilty over that. Guilty enough to even make his son look this miserable, he hopes.
Michaelis is still a child after all.
And it is his duty as a father to be with his child when he needs him.
"I'm sorry, father. Please forgive me."
"I forgive you."
Sobbing and sniffling sounds echoed in the room until Michaelis fell asleep because of exhaustion.
×××××
『 "Father? You.. came here? Why didn't you tell me anything?"
The man in his early forties looked down at him without any response. The man opened his wristwatch and put it on the coffee table.
"Michael."
"Yes?"
Without any warning, he was slapped across the face. His face turned harshly to the side. He blinked his eyes in confusion.
"Do you know what you did wrong this time?"
He looked into the charcoal eyes of his father with trembling eyes.
"I.. I'm not."
Pang!
His face turned to the side again. His cheek was beginning to turn bright red. He swallowed the whine he almost let out from the pain, and moreover, when his cheek was grazed by the man's silver ring.
The man in the neat suit let out a sigh before he folded the sleeves. The boy, who was 16 years old, waited like a statue in front of the man. Helpless, like a deer who was caught in a trap but didn't make an attempt to free himself.
"Tell me what you did wrong, and then I'll stop."
Buk!
He was kicked in the stomach this time. He fell and touched his stomach, coughing at the impact of the kick.
"Father."
"Hm? Do you have the answer now?"
Buk!
"I'm sorry."
"What did you apologize for, Michael?"
Buk!
He didn't know. Michael didn't know what he had done wrong. This was not the first time, but he still didn't know what mistakes he had committed. Or he actually did but was too afraid to admit it.
"I'm sorry."
Every time he would repeat the same sentence and the same apology while being beaten black and blue for who knows how long, he wouldn't stop thinking of his mistake whenever this happened. But he still did not get the answer. The answer was something only his father knew.
Nobody will stop this man's action. There is no one who will help him. He would always swallow the cry of pain from getting out of his mouth; if not, this man would belittle him for his weakness again.
His mom died long ago. She had been sick for years. He noticed that his mom was always coughing, and he did tell his father, but his father brushed it off by saying that it was just a mere cough and that would be fine after taking some medicine.
It did not stop until his mom finally took her last breath in their house. He was just six at the time.
He was left alone after that. His father never came home after his mom died. He asked his father, but he was just to be brushed away with a harsh slap.
"I have a family to take care of. You are already big enough to live on your own. I'll give money every month."
His father left, but he hired a caretaker to take care of the house every day. But that caretaker was mean.
Everything changed after the incident. His father sometimes comes home after that incident. He is content that he finally managed to meet his father once a month, even if he needs to get hurt a little.
"You are useless. Can't you just be helpful for once? Stop acting like your mother, will you? Helpless, you always want to cling to someone. Grow up, Michael; this world is crueller than you thought. You are my firstborn, so don't act like a helpless bastard. It is also your fault that the incident happened anyway. How many times do I need to remind you of this fact?"
Those words were already engraved in his mind because of the repetition, and he began to grow up to get his father's recognition and attention because his father left him after he said these words to him.
He sent messages about his achievements even though he was ignored. He took up many competitions just to make his father look at him even once with a proud smile and say that he was not a useless bastard anymore.
He tried everything. He created a name for his father to easily recognize. He had been at the top by putting everyone aside. For him, everyone will just drag him down if they are ever given the opportunity.
But he never got that recognition. Not even a glance. He just knew that he had been sending messages to an unusable phone this entire time.
He gave up after that.
He knew he would never get recognition from his father from the start.
What made him continue to get his father's attention was that he had nothing to do. He had no purpose except to cling to his father because he clung to just a word to come out of his mouth.
No, he just wanted to run from reality after the incident. He wanted to prove that he was not useless by becoming someone useful. Someone who lives with guilt, clinging to the death he caused.
But all of that is just a mere plea by a child who is masquerading as an adult. 』