I don't know what hurts more, the what ifs or the what could've been.

**********

YANESSA

"Hurry up, lady!. The ship's about to sail! "

The big Russian sailor shouted at me, rather impatiently. I know that I'm a tad late and I'm lucky that the ship's even here at all so I can't complain.

Hauling my heavy luggage, I gritted my teeth against the pain on my arm and hurried to the man. He has an intimidating form, with big muscles and long beard, scars and all, looking a lot like a pirate.

The only missing thing is the eyepatch to complete the look.

Upon my arrival, he looked me up and down with obvious judgment.

"Ticket?" he grumbled.

I reached inside my coat and placed it on his awaiting palm. He inspected it then waved me over.

I didn't hesitate to step inside.

This is it. The final step and I'll be free.

Once I'll leave this accursed placed, I will finally have a life and forget everything that's happened. It would be what Yannah would like for me besides it's the reason why she sacrificed herself in exchange for my freedom.

Just as I thought the man would let me pass, he suddenly pulled me back by the collar and wrenched the hood covering the entirety of my face. His eyes heavily scrutinizing me.

I hissed, immediately putting the hood back on in utter panic.

There's a certain reason why I chose to hide my face and I wait in abathed breath for the recognition to settle in the man's feature.

Fuck.

If he knew, then I'm done.

My face is all over the news and I'm on current manhunt.

An unhinged killer who butchered her sister.

That's the reason why I'm leaving New York city but that'll never happen when I'm caught now.

Please, please, please. Just for once, life, favor me.

The man stared at me with suspicion and I braced myself to flee.

My ultimate plan is to go to Moscow for a new start but it can change.

I will do anything not to return to that hellhole again.

Anything just to face the man that had raped my sister then handed her to his men while she screamed and begged them to stop.

His men murdered her after they're done then proceeded to frame her only living relative for it. Me.

I know it's a cowardly way to just run from all of it instead of braving myself to fight for Yannah but I'm a powerless nobody picking a lost battle with one of the most powerful men in New York.

He was a part of the senate and me, the younger sister of a prostitute that's currently the suspect.

I don't have any evidence save for the things I've witnessed while hiding on my sister's closet.

Even now, despite the brutal assault and murder of my sister, I was seen as the perpetrator. A dangerous prisoner on the run when in truth I was just a girl who escaped, fought tooth and nail for survival.

But of course, the media won't believe my word. They would surely choose the lie of the man who hold the power and money. The influence which they can benefit from.

Back to the present, the Russian gave me a long look.

"Is something the matter, sir?" I asked, feigning ignorance that he was staring at me a beat long more than normal.

My pulse is a drumbeat on my ears, my fear palpable. I hide my shaking hands by placing them behind my back.

He narrowed his eyes and I gave an awkward smile in return. After a minute, he finally heaved a sigh.

"You look familiar, is all. Sorry for the inconvenience, lady. Must be my failing eyesight" he gently pushed me inside.

I gave a nervous laugh, at the same time hiding my relief.

"Well, I must be going then" I didn't wait for him to agree before making a beeline toward the other passengers.

The ship is bustling with people, and no one spared a glance when I went to the railing.

I stared at the endless waters where my future lies and closed my eyes.

A minute later, I hear the shout of the

Russian man, assuring the captain that everyone's on board then we're moving.

I remain there while the others settled on their assigned rooms. My gazed strayed to the waters and the waves that I allow to wash away the baggage that is currently burden, pulling me down to it's endless abyss.

I wanted to cry but I am tired of grief.

I have spent my life mourning, running and hiding but in Moscow, I can finally live.

Away from murders and bloodthirsty men who's intent on hunting me down, away from this shit. So instead, I blinked back my tears and exhaled a shaky breath.

I can do this.

I think of my sister as I turned around and saw New York getting farther and farther away until it's a mere silhouette. I silently said the goodbyes I can't give while in hiding and muttered a prayer for her soul.

I don't know if it's been hours while I stood there until New York vanished from my sight but now that the adrenaline had faded, my body felt every bruise and cuts that I've kept hidden under the thick material of my coat.

Especially, the bullet wound on my right arm.

I'm suddenly exhausted so I decided to retire for the night.

Pulling my luggage behind me, I started for one of the rooms when I'm suddenly stopped in my tracks.

The unmistakable warning and familiar voice of the Russian man that will haunt me for the entire trip.

"I don't care what you did, missy. But there's an agent on board. Be careful"

I whirled around but he's gone.