My head was on the verge of exploding from what I had just heard. I felt almost deafened by his words! The pain in my heart was overwhelming, and it felt like I was struggling to breathe. Tears streamed from my eyes, seeming like an endless wellspring. Clearly, he was trying to avoid Mom from hearing our conversation, so he whispered everything to me.
"James, why are you doing this to me?" My lips trembled from the pain.
"Stop being so dramatic. So, do you want it or not? Should I close this now?" He spoke.
As he was about to close it, he smirked, a grin of a mortal enemy, a demon's smile is what I saw. But behind that grin that terrified me, I sensed deep sorrow. I felt a lot of things for him—pity, anger, fear, longing, and a feeling my mind couldn't yet process. I stepped back, searching for something behind me, the place where the door was. When I felt the door was there, I ran away. I didn't look back; I just kept running. It was as if a monster was chasing me.
My tears continued to flow, and I felt like I was going crazy with all the mixed emotions. I reached the corner, but I wondered why my driver was still there.
"Why are you still here? Weren't you sent home?" I said, while still crying.
Driver answered. "Sir didn't allow me to leave you here. He told me to wait for you, even until morning."
"Come on, let's go home," I asked him in a sad tone.
When I got home, I rushed into the house. Even though my dad and mom were there, I ignored them. I continued until I reached my room, where I broke down in tears. My parents immediately came to check on me, but they couldn't enter because I had locked the door. They knocked, but I didn't open it. I stayed that way all night, crying. Eventually, I grew tired from crying.
The next day at the dining table, my mom asked me what had happened. I simply said that Christian's mom, my classmate, had passed away. I didn't hesitate to answer that because it was true—Christian's mom did die, and it was last year. Most likely, everyone who knew Christian had already moved on, and the person I mentioned wouldn't be bothered by it. They only knew Christian by name, and he had never visited our house before. So, they probably wouldn't pester me about it.
I still had the events of last night on my mind. I forced myself to eat, trying not to show how deeply saddened I was. I didn't want them to think I was overly emotional about the mother of a friend I hadn't even met personally. Christian and I were just friends for going out, and we didn't pry into each other's personal lives. But deep down in my heart, it felt like I was mourning.
James's POV
I got myself drunk last night, although I wasn't causing a scene or being loud, so they didn't bother me. I finished all the alcohol I bought, and I was so intoxicated that I didn't even realize I was sleeping on the floor. It was only when Mom woke me up and found me sprawled out that I came to. It was already afternoon, but my head still throbbed with pain.
Suddenly, the events of last night rushed back to my mind. I knew I had gone too far with what I did to Raffy. My conscience couldn't accept it, so I got myself incredibly drunk to numb my body and mind. I didn't want to remember that, even just for a few hours. I also longed to see him; truth be told, seeing him brought me immense joy. When I saw his face, it was as if the world had stopped. But I immediately felt the vast gap between us. We weren't meant to be friends anymore. The distance between our lives had grown too significant. They were rich, while I had to work myself to the bone just to earn a living. If you looked closely, we were still struggling. It's better for us to be this way, as it probably wouldn't be good for me either. As a friend, I'm envious of his status. I'll distance myself from him for now, until I can reach at least a fraction of where they are in life. I know it's almost impossible, but I'll give it a try, no matter how challenging it might be.
It has been two weeks since the unpleasant incident between Raffy and me. Even now, I still feel a sense of guilt over what I did. But I'm trying to forget it, as dwelling on it only makes me feel worse. What's done is done. There's no changing it. I can't change the past.
I'm heading to Christian's house now; he's one of my clients. He's one of my favorites. Aside from being a good player, he's also kind and affectionate. We're around the same age, so he understands my preferences. At first, I was shy around him because of his young age and wealth. But now, I just tell myself, "That's life. Money is a necessity."
Every time I see his black car, I know it's Christian. He's picked me up from the village gate several times. It's a policy for non-residents to be picked up at the gate. After receiving a text from Christian telling me to come to the car, I entered, and he greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. I couldn't help but smile; he always manages to put a smile on my face. I don't know why, but each kiss from him brings me joy.
Christian greeted me with a brilliant smile. "Hey, how are you? I really missed you. You could've at least texted; I've been sulking."
I apologize with sincerity. "I'm sorry, I've been really busy. I'll make sure to text you more next time, I promise."
"You better keep that promise. If you don't, I'll really be upset with you." He told me with a cute expression on his face.
"Yes." I smiled and kissed him.
I've gotten used to this dynamic. I treat all the clients I face as if they're my lovers, so that having sex with them doesn't weigh so heavily on my conscience. But with Christian, it's different. With him, I feel happy and comfortable. He reminds me of Raf in a way.
When we meet, things often end up with cuddles, and sometimes we don't even engage in sexual activities. He even tries to give me money, but I refuse; he insists just so I won't feel bad about coming over. He always introduces me to his kind friends. He even introduces me as his boyfriend, which was awkward at first, but I've grown used to it.
There are only two people living in his house: him and his cheerful nanny, who is thrilled to see the two of us together. He mentioned yesterday that he has a friend he wants me to meet, so I made sure to look my best to avoid making a bad impression.
As we entered the gate of his house, I felt nervous. I don't want to give a different meaning to what we do. I still hold onto the idea that I'm just being paid, and he's just doing this to brag to his friends. I've accepted long ago that the day would come when he'll get tired of me and leave.
We got out of the car and headed inside. I was shocked by the friend he wanted me to meet. It was Raffy. Of all the people in the Philippines, why him? I didn't show any reaction to Christian; we just continued walking in.
However, contrary to my expectations, Raffy didn't stand up to confront me. He acted naturally, pretending not to recognize me.
Christian and I approached him, and I was introduced as Christian's boyfriend. Raffy shook my hand, and we sat down.
After a while, Christian left us to help his nanny prepare our meal. He said he did it in honor of my recent birthday. Sweet of him. Left alone with Raffy, we sat there in silence.