I am a rat, a rat of the underground of a great landscape of megalithic structures created by creatures beyond my comprehension. I am a being that wanders through this great maze of the underground; a labyrinth of blackness, silence, and filth where murky water flows and land made from the waste of the beings above ride the flow of the water. It is so silent that you could hear droplets of water from pillars stuck above from miles away, it is so cold that one could hear a conversation from areas I have not even explored yet, and it's so lacking in sound that it makes me deaf to even to my beating heart. Miles upon miles of the steep land stretch from one to another, endless in magnitude and grand in its scale, consistent with its design of the walls that you could never really distinguish if this was where you were an hour, a day, a week, a month, or a year ago. The only home we ever knew was the one inside us and with my fellow rats and not a physical object or a structure made with what limbs we use for travel; home is only what is familiar to us.

Our sustenance is from what the world above gives. Gigantic portions of leafy edible objects, sugary liquids, meat and spoiled pastries on the ground all over this world is where we gain our nourishment. It is like an endless supply they have from above; what they don't want they throw away for we little beings of the underground to feast upon. Their lives are big as they are, their living quarters are heavenly, and their food is the utmost taste, flavor, and proportion, they cover themselves with fur that is silky, unique, and detachable. It is a life I so desperately want, a life of comfort and riches where my tongue can taste something that was freshly prepared, and something not thrown on the ground to be thrown away for disposal. I am merely a rat, a rat of the underground feeding of scraps and where I and my numerous brethren live; a world of darkness where only light from a bulb illuminates the world that we exist in.

Those beings greater than us are a peculiar type, a creature so strange and odd that it takes on many sizes and shapes. Some have clean appearances, fur that shows their bare skin, feet elevated by hard pointy objects, and everyone else seems to be jealous or worshipping them like how we look up to them. Some are so unbelievably skinny like them yet all those around seem to admire them unconditionally and all try to pursue. There are some who are so much larger, so much taller yet look so grotesque, I remember clearly going into these great structures and seeing their abundant foods and how they all eat it fully without limit. There are those who are normal to say the least, those who follow the extraordinary or to be one with a group to stand out, yet they all look the same. There are some who are skeletal, hungry, ragged, filthy, and worn out like us, who hold up a hollow cylinder and those who pass them by ignore and sometimes even scream and run in fear of them as if they were like us rats.

They have inedible items, yet they cling on to them as if life itself will dash away from their bodies if one happens to detach themselves from it. Rectangle objects that emit light, shiny objects that conceal their feet, flashy objects that contain their belongings made with hard material, and machines that take them to distant lands outfitted with lavish designs and thunderous sounds. I see them fight over these objects, killing each other to obtain substances, procreating for a few thin papers for another needle, those who demolish old structures and creating new more lavish ones and despite these others are left on the streets with no place to go nor people to comfort with. Their desires, their pursuits, their motivations, I cannot understand them nor make sense of it all like my fellow rats!

These beings who are greater than me and my species existence have access to all the comfort and pleasures of the world, yet they all look so dissatisfied, angry, melancholic, envious. I have seen them leap from these megastructures to their deaths, hang themselves in their homes, having holes gushing with blood from their emptied heads, slit wrists inside pools of water in their homes and yet despite these tragedies the world moves on, still indifferent to the needs of everyone. I believe that these great beings have died not due to their sharp objects but because they lack the warmth necessary to survive the cold, they have no one to cuddle with them in their grand megastructures and they are left to freeze. They die because no one is there for them despite their cramped quarters and connection to the beings around them. Rats cannot survive the winter without each other's warmth, we need each other to survive and to keep our sanity, our connection is what keeps us alive, it keeps us happy. No creature in this world can live by themselves.

However, in a world where it is necessary to have each other to survive, why do I feel so disconnected from my fellow rats? We are so near each other yet so far. Our proximity is so close, yet I cannot feel their warmth. Why is it that I cannot connect myself with them? I am no different from them, we had been born, raised, and struggled in this morbid world of both the underground and above; baptized through the murky water of below and the great light and fires above, and yet we do not share the same need for connection and affection for each other. We instead must find food for ourselves and for those who we care about and nothing, not even morals or reason, may stop us from fulfilling our needs and we are not even sure if those who we provide for will provide for us when we are old and frail. We devour what is edible, we move when it is needed, we sleep when we can but despite this endless crusade for resources, we always come together during the winter to comfort ourselves and keep ourselves warm.

The days of winter are here, the warmth that was needed is now craved and rats who have gone their separate ways will die alone and cold, but this need for warmth has doomed us all. I am trapped and stuck down here in the underground. My fate quite literally intertwined with my fellow rats here. Our tails coiled and knotted, our fur stuck to each other, we all wanted to move but in different, individualistic directions. We cannot untangle ourselves nor we detach our fur; we cannot escape this grotesque and insufferable situation. We can feel each other's blood, feces, urine, hair, and bodies. We are shackled by each other, we are fused with our fur, we are connected through our tails, we are like a rotting gnarled headpiece of living matter. We are one, yet we are no one!

I look up to what light may illuminate this dark underground, to the tiny crack in the stone sky that blocks the great sun from above. We cannot move, we only go where we can agree to go and we do not agree on where we must go, it was always where I want to go, where he wants to go, where one rat ones to go. We cannot agree, we all want to attain our individuality, but we are a malformed mass, a single entity bound by our tails and the cruel hands of fate. It is odd, we yearn to be one with a circle, to be part of something bigger and larger than ourselves yet in the deepest corner of our hearts we yearn to shine in the dark, to be different, to be an individual. How can we be individuals when we are all the same? We may differ in size and shape, yet we all share the same fur, blood, eyes, teeth, faces and we still think of others as different; us against them. It is because of our need for individuality that we cannot move in a single direction, we are stuck trying to move somewhere we all want to go.

I am tired of them all, the rats tied to my tails for how long we had been. We are all born with a name, my mother named me Tarr because I was born with the darkest fur compared to my siblings and I had roamed these lands for many suns and moons. There is this rat named Siet, who has a mature and sharp nose and lashes out violently to Mas and Nix who she is jealous of and would often scratch their faces out of spite of their fur and eyes. Mas is friends with Yewn and Graf who often gossip and criticize about the facial features, eyes, and fur of everyone. Nix is friends with Kan and they both are very vocal on their opinions of their fellow rats, often berating others for their behavior and attitudes. Two bitter hearts named Jes and Dav often accuse each other of cheating on their partner with the rats beside them, Jes is jealous of Yewn and accuses Dav and she uses words to degrade him while Dav thinks I am trying to steal Jes away from him which I will never do because I and everyone in this predicament hates both of them. Everyone here in this mishap despises one another, we always find something to criticize about everyone while failing to recognize that we also have flaws; we are all trying to feed our pride and ego.

As a single mass, we wander through these sewers in a disorganized and pathetic way. Today was the 40th day since we unintentionally entangled ourselves. At first, we are all trying to assess the situation back when we first got into this mare's nest; we tried everything to release ourselves but to no avail. We were at first optimistic that since winter had just set in, this would be a good thing since we can all stay together to not become a lifeless stone, but we struggled to find food or drinkable water. We all started to crack one by one as we all starved and became dehydrated, a bond that once existed now has deteriorated like the abandoned megastructures overgrown with weed and decayed with time. It is hard to keep one sane in this quandary, such a Kafkaesque experience that is so bizarre, it is nightmarish. The thought of being ensnared itself does not bother me though it gives me great discomfort, it is the idea that my tail is twisted with theirs is spin-chilling. I cannot stand them!

We wander, or at least try to in this bleak underground. Last night's cold had been brutal, but it is thanks to our predicament that we were able to huddle together for what little warmth our starved and frail bodies could give to each other. It was a comforting moment, for a while we did not fight or hate each other but that was not to last. When the cold subsided in the morning (if it was morning since there is no light that can come through the stone ceiling) we tried to venture south to find a source of nourishment. As usual, it wasn't long before some of us started bickering again.

'I really hate her.' Kan whispered to Nix as we dragged ourselves to the south.

'I know right, they always criticize my facial features like have some decency; we are all trapped here and for the record, I look better than 3 of them combined anyway.'

Just when I heard this, I heard a scratching noise not far from me. I looked to the side, and it was from Siet who scratched Nix face with her claws mildly shrieking. She had been doing this for a long time but since we are all so desperate for food and used to the pain that we all just ignored what had just happened. This all causes us to stop, Nix and Kan did not take this lightly and began berating her and humiliating her for everyone to hear.

'You bitch!' Nix screamed at Siet while her blood drips from her face. 'What did I do this time? You are a pathetic piece of fatberg! If you are so insecure about your face, then maybe you should have just clawed it out instead of harassing us. It wasn't our fault that your mother eloped with such an ugly rat!'

'Why do you do this to us? We just want to survive just like you. Instead of being a hassle and a pain in our backs and tails, maybe learn some self-restraint? It will go a mile if you do so.'

As Kan said this for everyone to hear, she comforts her weeping friend who has a line of blood drooling from her face. I could hear Yewn, Graf, and Mas whispering to each other. Mas had also been a victim of Siet's thrashing and tantrums which happen quite randomly on most days. Compared to Nix, Mas has more scars on her face, and she is very angry about it because prior to winter she had met a rat whom she fell in love with, but both sadly parted and planned to meet each other after this cold season. Her friends are a male rat Graf who is effeminate to say the least and Yewn who is pretty for most rats but honestly her attitudes just outweigh her looks.

'That's her problem you know, her insecurities. She couldn't score a lover and that's why she is being so violent cuz she knows she can't find a partner like us.'

'So true, and to be honest; she is lucky that we still let her have her share of the food and water even though she is such a bitch.'

'Her mother must have had lamented her birth because of how ugly she is, just look at her!'

I couldn't know who was talking and they were all whispering. We had been stuck together for more than a month and I still could not distinguish one from the other because they all speak and sound the same. They talk about how dire the situation is, their lovers and how ugly all the other rats are. To them, they are unique and special and everyone else is mediocre who just follows the popular rats who all desire. That is what I concluded after being stuck with them for this long and not even safe from their criticism. The thing is, we all look the same now and I still could not understand how being thin is attractive when they looked so starved; maybe they are just incredibly optimistic or trapped in their fantasies of glamor and beauty.

'Siet, you should stop what you are doing, it is harming us all!' Graf said.

'Mas is always a victim of your tantrums, and we are sick of it!' Yewn cried out.

At this point, Siet calmed herself down enough to feel guilty over what she was doing and looked down upon her feet and stayed silent. Everyone's focus was directed at her at this point.

'Wow, not even acknowledging that I am also a victim? You three are always so self-centered! Nix cried out, calling them out.

'What are you trying to prove, Nix? All of us here are fed up with her. Why do you always include yourself in everything? You are just as starved for food as much as attention!' Yewn spoke back at Nix, both sides being angry at each other and had almost forgotten about Siet.

'You should just at least acknowledge all victims instead of focusing on one, everyone should be recognized.' Kan said to Yewn.

'We are, just because we only mentioned Mas doesn't mean we don't acknowledge Nix! Why do you want to be correct and right all the time even though you are not'

'How about you shut up you bi-'

'Can you all just focus on the fucking thing we are doing!? Instead of fighting maybe we could just continue to walk in order to survive. You are all hurting each other, there is no need to fight.' Dav shouted, drawing attention to him and to Yewn and Nix

I am quite glad someone tried to speak up to try to stop the fighting lest we starve here to death. One might ask why I stay silent throughout this whole ordeal? Why not try to be the mature one and make them all focus on the goal, which is to live another day, to fill our stomachs, to quench our thirst, to see the sun again. I tried before but no one listened nor even bothered to acknowledge my existence. It's better to just stay silent than to waste energy on individuals who can't swallow their pride. I just want to eat something, please! Let us find food!

Just when I thought everyone would come to their senses, Jes started yelling at Dav unexpectedly (I should have anticipated it honestly).

'So now you got involved because Yewn's name was smeared on the wall? I should have expected it from you! Am I not as beautiful as we first met?'

'What's your damn problem this time? You are always so jealous of others! I am not even doing anything!'

'I saw you looking at her since temperatures dropped 40 days ago! Am I not warm enough? I am sorry, okay? if I am not hot enough for you, you should just go cuddle with her instead of me!'

Here it goes again, they're fighting, and it is getting in the way of progress and on to my nerves! How horrible this is to be stuck with them and to hear their endless quarrels about who cheated when in reality no one is; it is all in their heads. I don't understand why they think like that, how they act towards one another when everything started with blissful love and mystical dreams. When both are stuck in an endless reverie; daydreams of Sugarcandy Mountain where all animals go when found love and they achieved nirvana. Love is something mysterious to me, I have never experienced it in a romantic sense and perhaps never will, but it is something that exists, doesn't it? It is what makes us go forward, what makes us do what we do. Maybe we all huddle in the winter to find and feel the love of others, a warmness that keeps us from dying.

'You know what? I fucking hate you!' Dav screamed at Jes with contempt. 'You always accuse me of cheating when I look at another rat! You never use that brain you are so proud of, you are so fucking immature, stupid, dumb, I fucking hate you!

'You hate me? After we been through, all the things I did for you, you hated me? You piece of shit! I loved you and all you ever gave me was suffering!'

'You are so intrusive, so damn annoying! I always see you trying to flirt with Tarr, and you accuse me of cheating when you are doing the very thing you accuse me of? You are out of your damn mind!'

Everybody started talking about the two. I hate that my name got dragged into it; it is the only time that I get acknowledgement that I in fact am an existing entity trapped with them. I can hear their words now, their judgements and criticism; what disturbs me is that they are amused rather than concerned or frustrated. Why would the suffering and scrimmage of others be a source of joy in this world? I had seen rats laughing at others brawling over the most trivial things in the past. It saddens me that such things happen, am I insane to not understand these things or am I too soft and indifferent to things I see. I don't even understand this world anymore.

'You see what you did Jes? They are now all talking about us! You lack so much attention that you must be this desperate so that others acknowledge you!'

'You know why I am the way that I am? It's because you never gave me the love and attention I deserve! You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me!'

'How pitiful, both of them are so jealous and vitriol towards each other, they are a match made in hell.' Kan said to Nix not knowing that she can be heard by everyone.'

'What did you say?' Jes turned to Kan infuriated, 'You see this as something funny? So that is how it is, no wonder your lover left you for another rat! You are so self-absorbed and so egotistical that you forgot that everything is not centered around you, and you degrade others to uplift your status you whore!'

'Shut up! You are the self-centered one here and how dare you call me a whore and when you are the one who slept with numerous rats, both male and female. You are as disgusting as a fatberg you piece of shit!' Jes shot back with fury as she gnarled her teeth extending her claws.

'This is what I am talking about! If you found just sh-' Dav was screaming, then Jes scarred his face with her claws. All were shocked by this outburst as she had not done this before, as if all their amusement of their quarrel was nothing but a surreal false memory. All became quiet, it was calming to finally have a moment of silence but that was not to last.

'Why can't you just shut up, Kan? You are always so holier-than-thou that it is so annoying, you think you are superior and moral when you are a hypocritical bitch!'

'Shut up, Graf, you are only friends with Mas and Yewn because they just wanted to have a gay friend, it doesn't matter that you are who you are, you are just for fancy for them!'

'How fucking dare, you! Why can't you just be a decent person?

'Why can't you be one then? Don't judge me you son of a whore!'

Everyone started fighting, it is hard to tell who is saying what and what they are all talking about. They all forgot that we are entangled together, and they all tried to kill each other. The 'lovers' started scratching each other's faces, Kan and Nix's deteriorated once they accidentally blurted their opinions towards each other and the three friends started insulting each other's faces. Everyone was driven mad, such rage I had not seen before among rats. Was it hunger, contempt, hatred, or the unfathomable amount of stress that made us into this? Don't we all want to survive? Our sanity had degraded as much as our empty stomachs and dried throats. I even find myself fighting for my own life, desperately trying to cover my face from their dull talons. What has become of us? Why on earth are we stuck like this? Did the beings of the overworld do this to us? Why? I don't understand it all! To hell with it all! I just want to live!

We thrash and toil at each other, in a minute's notice, we have all become savages; our fight against each other outweighs the need for survival. I sometimes forget why we fight at all; we conflict exists when all we ever really need is to understand each other but the unfortunate reality is that despite sharing the same skin, we cannot view the other as a friend, family, comrade, a rat. It is not because we lack the intellectual capabilities to make sense of the other, it is that we refuse to acknowledge one another, as rats in an absurd world. Such is a tragedy of our existence: a world where the ego and the self-righteous thrive and altruism is nothing but a word to describe oneself without living by it. The world is not cruel, we are cruel, our existence is cruel because it is what we use to create and live in the world with. All our physical wounds can be healed with time and nourishment, but a broken, unfeeling heart can last an eternity. It hurts me more to know that we do not love each other than their claws puncturing my flesh.

We all move and drag each other's entangled bodies from side to side. I can see their bloody and cut flesh, their crimson and filthy fur, broken noses and blinded eyes, I can see nothing but their unfiltered and unrelenting rage towards each other. We stomp and kick around those who fell, we bite and chew on each other's limbs, bury our claws into the flesh and exposed bones of those who we can reach and all the while we come closer to the edge. The best way to defend ourselves is to climb as high as possible so no one can reach us but that is what everyone is doing. Mas and Graf got crushed by the weight of everyone fighting and bleed to death with their guts wide open. Nix broke her jaw and Kan got her limbs cut and crippled. Siet got her eyes gauged out and her sharp claws detached from her limbs. Jes got her eyes blinded and Dav had his eardrums ripped out and his is bleeding on the floor dying while his lover cried in agony. I lost my right eye and had Siet's claw thrust into my lung; I felt weak and hardly can breathe. I looked up and saw Yewn, with her blooded noses and wounded frame on top of all of us, looking down at us all and laughing maniacally in blissful ecstasy.

'All of you look ugly! I am so embarrassed about being stuck and now I'll soon be free and reunited with my lover! I hate you all, I like a rat king up here!' She laughed hysterically, spitting on Graf and Dav.

She went down near the edge of the stone land, we stood near the murky water and started biting our tails. Siet made a terrible shriek and started shaking violently toward the edge. All of those who still can see looked upon in horror as she fell down the murky water and all of us got dragged into it. Yewn screamed for help, salvation, and mercy whilst everyone else have no longer the strength to hold on and to scream. They all looked horrified, all of them looked desperate for a savior but no one would come for us and even if someone did come, nothing could be done but to see us drown. Yewn desperately tried to cling on to the stone, but our mass was too much, and her claws got ripped out as we all descended into the liquid abyss of the underworld. As much as they tried to swim to safety, they could not fight against the heaviness. Our fate was sealed like all those who came before us, our deaths are as insignificant as our birth and our existence is as unimportant as everyone and everything else in this world. Death felt liberating to those who have not yet gone through the process of dying and when confronted, they will ask for another chance in life.

Yewn and all those who are still alive can feel my tail getting untangled from theirs. My left eye could still see their faces slowly disappearing as we descended and drowned, the darkness envelopes then swallow them whole. The truth is, I could have escaped this predicament 7 days ago. I can slip my tail out of their knot but that wouldn't free them, and I could escape this hell. I chose not to; the moment was taken away and I hadn't regretted it. I did not know why at first, why I did not escape to freedom, to liberate myself from this torment and their mangled tails. Have I simply gone mad? Have I grown attached to them? Am I too cowardly? I wondered through all the sleepless nights, coldest days and most desperate why on this mortal did I refuse myself what is due. It baffles me, it confuses me, it feels unnatural and stupid.

At this very moment, as I was engulfed in the void of my watery grave, I finally realized why I chose to stay and to remain with their gut-turning behavior. It was because I don't want to end up like those beings who died alone with their wrist slit in their megastructures. I did not want to die to the cold; I do not to freeze to death like my brothers and sisters, my brethren, my friends, like the beings above. What a grim way to go, to die clutching nothing but your own skin for warmth, grabbing on anything that can keep you warm to feel the heat of the world as the frigid wind embrace you when the world refuses to embrace you. The truth was here inside me all along, the bitter and piercing truth of it all; my suffering, torment, desolation.  I am afraid, I am fearful of the cold, I refuse it's wintry unclasped. The truth is that death does not scare me, but the thought being alone and unwanted does; I don't want to die alone!

Nothing really mattered to me; all the things they were about, all their irrational decisions and pursuits for pleasures, all of it never mattered to me. What truly was of value to me was their love, their warmth, their companionship, something that I will never attain nor receive. I will die with them here, cleansed from the world and will die at peace under the great underground where I was raised and where I will die and be buried. Whether there is a sugarcandy mountain, a land of milk and honey, or paradise does not concern; I had lived long enough to know the only heaven that truly exists is an eternal slumber to which we never wake up from. I close my eyes; I die knowing that I no longer must live in fear of the cold and isolation, the troubles and barbarism of the world; I felt, for the first time in my life, peace.