AFTER THE last incident, Adda refused to see Tania. She couldn't imagine having to look her in the eyes again and seeing how disgusted she was- probably. The next days were spent between school and football matches like a fever dream that protected her from any hard thoughts.
If she appears I'll just make like I'm deaf. Yeah, that will do.
Those phrases had become her new mantra and the only things that relaxed her while in the park, but that young girl with chocolate eyes was nowhere to be seen. On a bench, or under a tree, seated on the grass... Nothing.
But why don't I feel so good?
A tiny voice inside her brain kept asking that question, as if It were a crucial matter. A question Adda could not respond to, nor ignore, so the circle continued.
As time passed by, her stress decreased, seemingly, as her expectations to meet Tania again dropped.
Ugh, I'm really stupid. If only I hadn't been an idiot and fucked It up that much we could have been friends.
"Friends".
The word got stuck in her mind, making a smile that carried fanciful dreams of the two girls together arise. They were laying on the grass, talking about the day. Everything was at peace. Adda had never experienced such a thing, as she lost her only girl friend five years back, when Lidia moved out and changed schools. She missed her, but there was nothing she could do to fix It, and she had already moved on. Her school-mates were far as nice as her.
Maybe I can talk to... Tania, like I first did to approach Lidia.
Even if time had passed, her memories were free of dust, clear as an empty sky and sharp as a knife. She remembered when they had met on the first day of highschool. They were both so stressed, running on the hallways, clueless to what class they belonged to. Lidia, as well as her, were left without the company of any parent, and the fear and awkwardness made them tip toe and run spontaneously, wishing to disappear. Then, as they flee as fast as possible from a voided classroom, eyes looking behind their backs, their two heads collapsed, making a deaf noise and sending the two girls to the cold and polished ground.
Ouch!
Hey, watch It!
Adda was at first mad, but then she saw that the other girl was also hurt, tears starting to pop, and quickly apologized and helped her stand up. Afterwards, the two highschoolers searched for their class successfully and, once the storm was long gone, Adda proposed Lidia to play in the backyard.
That's how It all started.
It started what?
A strong voice scared her, making her jump before looking to the side.
Tania!?
Hi. Is this yours?
The curvy girl extended her puffy hand with long painted nails until the object she was carrying stayed in front of Adda's restless eyes. It was a black backpack with a muddy base from laying on the grass for too long that, judging by how effortlessly the girl was holding it in the air, it appeared to be empty.
My bag! Where did you find It? I lost It like a week ago while I was playing football!
It was thrown on the floor, and when I saw the etiquette with you' name I assumed It was you.
<
Adda thought to herself, happy as a dog.
Thank you very much!
Her hands reached to hug her but immediately repressed the movement, feeling awkwardly out of place. Then took the bag by the holder, sensing a slight something when brushing the black girl's soft and shiny skin. A something that Adda could not quite shake off or decipher. Something that wandered her mind- for too long in her opinion-.
Suddenly, she realized It was her opportunity to ask Tania to stay together...
<
The idea of inviting Tania to do a fun activity together was clearer than the sky when she planned It a long period of time before the last incident. She convinced herself that was the ultimate method to become friends.
<
She told herself, a gente smile reaching her thin lips. But she never thought about what she would actually say once she had the chance to do so, as It seemed like an impossible scenario.
Uh... Do you wanna walk with me?
Before Tania answered, Adda continued, afraid that those two seconds of pause that danced slowly before her eyes meant the young woman was not interested in her proposal at all.
Or like, uh, like we can just sit and, and...
Yeah, It would be nice to walk.
Oh, cool. Uh, which way?
Adda's head swiveled to both her sides and then back to Tania, trying to predict her incoming reply. Without answering, Tania moved to the left and started walking slowly. Adda followed her instantly, then asked herself if Tania really wanted her company, or if she had misinterpreted everything that just happened. Before she could convince herself that her stroll-mate didn't want her to come along and that she was being a complete creep, Tania started the conversation to avoid the suffocating silence.
So...do you come here for a stroll often?
No, I usually play football.
As these last words left her mouth a shiver down her spine made her tremble, with the feeling that Tania would hate her if she remembered the first day they met.
Oh, right, right. Yeah, now I remember you played with a bunch of...er, people, yeah.
A bit of the gingered haired girl's heart broke, and her smile dropped slightly, realising Tania didn't really remembered anything about her. She tried to convince herself that It was the best for them both. A new start would be more easy to carry than a disastrous past.
Yes. And...you come often?
Lately I do. But I just listen to music.
A rapid thought crossed her mind, but she stopped herself in time before mentioning the time she fell asleep on a tree. She could feel her burning back sweating.
Oh, cool. What do you like to listen to?
It's...well, just let me show you.
Tania stumbled across her scratched purse, searching for her mobile phone and, then, played a melody on It. Next, she adjusted the volume clicking on the side button of the device and took one of her white airpods out of her bag and handed It to her friend.
Adda hesitated before reaching for It, knowing there would be no way of avoiding skin contact this time. And could not do but feel guilty and nervous for this feeling that sparked on her hand when touching her.
She listened to the music. It was a catchy pop song or so she thought. Her mother made sure she had never listened to anything but her "approved list of songs from God". They weren't especially bad, but they meant nothing to her, just a reminder of where she lived.
Shortly after, Adda dared to look into Tania's abyssinian eyes, feeling nervous when the other girl looked at her back with a little smile, almost imperceptible.
The music is good. Which band is It?
WHAT?!
Tania screamed, deafened by the loud music that blasted on their ears.
Uh, never mind.
Tania took her auricular off, and Adda mimicked her with a grateful smile.
I really like It.
Thanks. And... What kinda music do you like?
Uh, well...
Her face reflected fear, but then she spoke.
It's... It's just my mom doesn't let me hear modern music, you know?
Oh.
They continued walking side by side, quiet as a church mouse, both wondering how to continue the conversation, but nothing came out.
After a while, Tania stopped and announced that she needed to go home before It was too late, and Adda did the same.
See you!
Adda waved her hand shyly. Then they both walked their paths home.
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