At night I felt a heavy feeling in my heart. I wasn't able to control my emotions. I wanted to laugh out loud, at the same time it was getting tougher to hold back my tears. They say that when you can't tell your feelings to anyone, a diary can be your best buddy. I get up from my bed and after rummaging through my shelf I found one. It was an old hardbound journal for the year 2012. The cover celebrated the successful release of more than five hundred episodes of the anime 'one prince'
I opened the journal. It was filled with doodles made by my younger self. To tell the truth, I was not much of an artist back then, but I sure enjoyed myself. On one page was a drawing of myself as a superhero. I giggled. All my memories rushed through my mind. I remembered how I used to play all day with my sister Yuka. I remembered how we would sneak into the kitchen to steal late night snacks. I remembered how we would get a load of excitement when our cousins crashed in on us. I remembered how that day five years ago we both were excited to go to Sapporo. I remembered how those scumbags stole our happiness from us. I remembered how I wasn't able to do anything other than cry and whine while witnessing the depravity.
I felt my smile fade away. "Would my life had been better if they were not there?" I thought to myself. "Will my sister be happier if they were to die? Would I someday be able to smile with my sister again?" Again, questions which seemed to have no answers.
I took out my pen and started writing.
Dear diary,
I gaze outside the window,
Crowds covered in crystal skies.
Tired of faking my smile,
Tired I am of petty lies.
God maybe has forgotten me,
Or wrote my fate of darkest dyes.
White as sheet is my mind,
Lost in solitude it cries.
One kiss would I suffice,
So tell me pretty lies...
I stop writing. Tears had tired my eyes by now. I closed the journal and lie down in my bed.