[First person view]
I'm Bei Yueyue, a first-year student at Yishu University in China. I have no desire. I'm just a normal person with a normal life and have no desire or so-called ambition for other people at all.
Or I would rather say that. I don't dare to expect much.
Allow me to tell you about my past here.
When I was born, my parents abandoned me. It was unclear to me why I knew this. But as if the picture of that moment had been carved deeply into my soul and spirit, even when I was just born and knew nothing, it subconsciously remained inside me.
I remembered that time, under the heavy rain and loud lightening across the gloomy sky, the weather was extremely cold, as if to freeze people.
I, who was just born, was hugged in the arm by two people. A man and a woman. Because the wind was so heavy, the sound of the rain was so loud that I couldn't hear what they were talking about.
I can see that they seemed to want to throw me into the deep river, but at last, they just put me under a tree near the riverside.
Well, even if they don't throw me into the river, I may have to die after they're gone. The rain was heavy, the sky was dark, and no one was here.
Everyone seemed to have disappeared from this place; only I, a newborn child, was alone here. I didn't cry or make any fuss.
Trillions of raindrops fell heavily from the sky, as if heaven were mad. Countless lights changed from blue to red and violet.
If I could speak at that time, I would definitely praise that 'gorgeous'! I laid down there, naked. I looked at the sky motionlessly, as if I could see the scary but mesmerizing views from here.
I felt that my eyes were heavy as the raindrops fell into my eyes and nose. I can't see anything anymore. I felt like the mist was enveloping my eyes and my surroundings.
My eyes were painful, my nose was sore, and my throat was extremely hurt, as if I were being cut by thousands of knives.
Will I die? Did the other newborn babies behave like me, calm and motionless? Am I some kind of creature or monster? Why don't I feel scared or worry that I'll die at all?
Is that why my parents abandoned me and wanted to kill me from the moment I opened my eyes?
My eyelids were heavy, and I was closing my eyes. Maybe if there was an afterlife, perhaps... Could I have been born and lived normally, like other children? Will someone care about my life and death?
I seemed to recall the moment I was born inside the hospital; I didn't cry like the other babies. On the contrary, I just looked around curiously. The people looked at me as if I were a monster. Then, when I opened my eyes again, here I was.
My parents were carrying me with them under the heavy rain, and then they abandoned me here, alone.
I didn't feel resentful or hate them. I didn't blame them for abandoning me. I'm thankful for them letting me be born and allowing me to enjoy this beautiful moment. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see their faces or hear their voices clearly.
The moment when I looked at the beautiful phenomenon in the sky. If I could speak, I would say, "Thank you, mom and dad."
For 9 months and 10 days, my mother has been carrying me inside her belly. Why do I know all of this? I didn't know why, either.
There were countless things inside my brain. I was puzzled. Where do these things come from?
Well, not important anymore.
Just as I was thinking in a daze, I seemed to feel that someone was picking me up gently. So warm…..
I can feel the warmth. Who is it? Who is talking? I can't hear or see. Who is picking me up?
"Poor child, who is extremely heartless to do this to such a lovely child?" A man's warm voice sounded.
Then my entire body was wrapped in warm fabric. Thereafter, I felt nothing as my whole world turned black.
6 years later
I survived. The price I have to pay is that I can't speak or make any sound until I am 5 years old.
It was lucky that I survived, so I'm extremely glad and happy.
The man who rescued me was a beggar. His age was around 35 years old. I couldn't see his face clearly because his long and messy hair looked like a bird nest and covered his entire face.
Though everyone criticized him for being dirty, filthy, and ugly, I like him very much. I respected him.
My name, Bei Yueyue, was what he named me. He said, 'Yue'er, you're beautiful and pure as the moon in the sky.'
How can I dislike a man who saves me from hell?
The man sacrificed everything he had for me. He has nothing, but he gave me everything for as long as he could.
If one day he has to cut open his skin and let me have his blood to survive, I have no doubt that he will not hesitate to do it.
We have no home. We have no meal to eat. Sometimes, only a tiny piece of bread could fill my stomach.
I refused to eat if he didn't eat. He had no choice but to cut the tiny bread into two parts and eat it with me.
During the winter, he found the warm blanket in the pile of garbage and covered me. Then he hugged me to give me warmth when he only wore thin and tattered old clothes.
I stubbornly wanted to share the warmth with him, but the blanket was too small to cover two people's bodies.
He shook his head as he pretended to be mad. 'Yue'er, if you don't use this blanket, I will not eat anything next time.'
During the hot weather, he let me stay in the corner of the small building to avoid the hot sun. While he, himself, walked a long way from one place to another to find the cans and bottles to sell,.
During the rainy day, he found a place to let me stay. He then used his strong body to shelter me from the rain.
No one allowed the dirty people who liked us to stay under their buildings or houses. They were afraid that we'd dirty the buildings or steal the things inside.
I didn't hate them; I guess they had no choice. They didn't trust the strangers. I'm not strange; it's just that I learned how to forgive and move on.
I learned how to not allow the exasperation and hate to control my heart. Hating people doesn't make my life better. Moving on is a better choice.
He never allowed me to touch the dirty garbage. But he picked up the can from the pile of garbage and sold it for money.
I was born gifted. I learned everything quickly as long as I saw it and touched it once.
The man noticed my potential. He has been making money day and night without stopping to raise me, feed me, and earn enough money to send me to school.
He refused to beg for money. But he earned money through his hard work, sweat, and blood. (Blood refers to everything that he has.)
I tried to help and stopped him, but he was always aggrieved whenever I didn't listen to him. I couldn't bear to see him in that state.
Likewise, I decided to help him behind his back when he didn't notice. Whenever I was back from school, I picked up the can and bottle to sell for money and bought the food, barely enough to stuff into our stomachs.
He was helpless, but he didn't stop me anymore. He knew that even though I respected him, I also didn't want him to suffer alone.
I could remember every single word in the books. I have no friends. I don't know how to get along with other people, and all my energy was to concentrate on learning and earning.
I don't think people will like me or want to make friends with me. All of them knew that I was just a beggar with high potential.
I studied hard day by day until I got a scholarship to study at a famous school where rich children gathered.
Then I could make money by helping people with their homework or exercise. I barely earn any money from them.
At the very least, we can afford to buy a thick blanket to cover our bodies from the cold and buy a normal and cheap meal to eat.
Our lives were getting better until one day, when I was 10 years old, the man died because of the strange disease.
I was devastated. How come I did not know that he was sick? He suddenly vomited blood. I desperately asked him, Why?
He touched my head and said gently, 'In this world, no one could cure my illness. I don't want to make you worried about me.'
Before he died, he showed me his real face. His face was so picturesque, as if no words in the world could describe his beauty.
He said, 'Yue'er, don't cry. Life must move on.'
He said, 'Grief only made your life miserable and shrouded in darkness. Wipe away your precious tears, my precious princess.'
He touched her hair gently as if she were his most priceless treasure: 'Promise me, no matter what happens in the future, don't lose yourself. You had such a pure soul and gentle heart.'
'Live on and be happy.'
He smiled in the end as he wiped my tears.
This is why I was left alone in this world when I was ten years old. I only cried once when he was gone. After that, I stopped crying and moved forward.
Though my heart was empty, I felt numb, as if despair and heartache pierced deeply into my soul. I stopped smiling. I stopped talking much unless I had to.
I became dull and motionless. Pain….so painful…my heart….
But I know I can't fall here. If that was what he wished, I will carry his last wishes and our promises until my breath no longer exists.
I have no interest in anything. I only study hard because I want to make money and feed myself, or at least not die of hunger. It will be so embarrassing, right? I made myself busy so as not to miss the man who was my father.
The man who recused me from the underworld was gone now. I really miss him.
I love a peaceful environment and quietness. I love staying alone. But at the same time, what I'm most afraid of is being left alone in this vast world. I never pay attention to strangers or make eye contact with anyone.
I'm just awkward. To the strangers, I talked less. To the people I care about, I talked like there was no tomorrow. To strangers, I acted cold and indifferent because I was scared to get close to someone, get attached to someone, and one day that one person would leave me the way that man left.
Nevertheless, because of my soft personality, I always ended up saving people and animals. I really love animals; at least I felt that animals could be my best friends.
Sometimes I talked a lot, and sometimes I was too tired to move my mouth. I was puzzled by my twisted personality, but that's it.
I always thought that my life would continue to progress normally and clearly.
But everything changed the day I saved a little kitten from a car that was about to hit it.