She told everyone else goodbye except me. I got nothing but a mean look. Well, she didn't say goodbye to Claude in a nice way. Instead, she made fun of him, stuck her finger up at him, and got into her car.
I didn't really ask her why she was mad at me, but I think Claude was behind me at the time, so maybe that was why.
I'm in the big tent right now talking about Ana's leaving. So quickly, it happened.
I've been thinking about what Elijah, sorry, Dee, said. I don't really talk to people outside of the Circus, even other Circus artists from other Circuses. I don't know why, but I don't like having a lot of conversations.
Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go to a different Circus.
Claudius did say that we could be replaced quickly.
Tonight, I'll go to Elijah's Circus because they have a show. I've thought about changing, but I'm not sure yet.
I like the Circus I'm at, but I don't know anything else about it.
"What's up with the sad face?" Claude asks if he can come into my personal space. I move away as his hands move toward my waist.
He looks at me in a way I've never seen him do before.
"It's no wonder she left; why didn't you tell us you had been together for two years?" I slightly raise my voice and ask.
"She was the one who wanted to keep us a secret. She told me to flirt with you girls and do other things to keep people from finding out about us. But instead of staying with the Circus people, she went out to be a slut, which I found out last night when she broke up with me because she found someone else."
"Did you ever think that maybe you were too close to us girls?"
It hurts to find out that all of his flirting and shitting was a show.
"No, because that's how she wanted me to act around you girls.
She didn't want anyone to suspect anything, but we never went too far like having sex with someone else. But she made me fuck Melissa that one time because she said the Circus was more important. We wouldn't even do foreplay with anyone else," he says.
I tell him, "You were letting me suck your dick on the train."
"That's because I wanted you, and she knew that, but she made me feel fucking bad when I said it, so we got together four months after you came here because I realized how disgusting I sounded because you were seventeen," he says.
I plug up my ears. "You always, always, always, always lie. Just leave my tent. I don't want to see you unless we are working."
He says, "We have practice tonight." "I'm not going to Elijah's Circus because one of the girls who does tricks like mine wants to teach me a few things."
The look on his face is tense.
"No, you're not... Are you going? He asks, "Like leaving this Circus?"
"I don't know yet," I tell them. He says, "I can be nicer..." "I don't want to change," I tell him as I walk by.
"Well, then, what is it?" He says. "I'm going to watch them no matter what, so don't try to stop me. I rarely talk to anyone because I'm always here sleeping, practicing, eating, or acting."
"Tell me what you still want to change around here," he says.
When I turn around, he almost hits me. "It's a lie. I can't stand how you always act," I tell him as I walk away from him again.
"So you got all dressed up to go see Elijah's Circus because he said a few rude things to you? That made it look like I was worse than him? He may seem nice, but because he is friendly, he is a worse liar. He tells you what you want to hear so he can control you.
"Well, if that's true, I don't belong in any Circus because I don't like using liars like you," I say.
I was kind of ready for a hard slap in the face by now.
It hasn't happened yet.
"Then, where would you go?" He says. "I'd go anywhere but here. Whether you like it or not, I'm going to Elijah's Circus tonight. I don't want to be lied to or controlled anymore," I say.
"Now that Ana has left, I won't have to lie to you," he says, looking like he's going to get down on his knees and beg, which I kind of want to see.
"Are you coming back? Because if you go to his Circus, I might as well tell you to pack your bags, because yeah, he has a whole stadium for a Circus, he has over 400 Performers while I only have fifty, he can give you a mansion to yourself if you ask him, and as soon as you step into his ring, you're going to want to stay there because all I have is what I have."
I shake my head, and then I smile... I'm laughing. I'm sad. "You think I'd leave because he can give me more? Claudius, I want to leave because I'm tired of all the lies, and it's not because I'm selfish. I wouldn't leave because he can give me more. You gave me so much when I lost everything, and he wants me to act at his Circus.
"I want to leave not because of what he said to me but because I want to leave."
Just by standing there, he looks weak.
"Then leave... "You'll come crawling back, and I'll have to say, 'I told you so,'" he says, and then he walks away. "Like I've told you before, you're easy to replace."
I cough. "Okay, I'll go," I say. I tell them not to worry about packing my things because I'm sure Elijah can replace them. Then I leave the Circus area.