Berry's heart dropped to his stomach when the polite but heartbreaking words of Stuart reached his ears. He knew that it was too early for Stuart to accept him but wasn't it too early for Stuart to reject him?
He had seen the smile on Stuart's face when they talked and played outside and for a moment, he thought that Stuart was slowly opening up to him and was trying to accept him but he only now realized that the smile was friendly. Not a smile one will give to his lover or someone close to his heart. The realisation made him ache from within, hot tears threatening to fall from his eyes.
He held it back as usual and locked it up in his heart. With deep, dark eyes, he looked up at Stuart who had no trace of unseriousness on his face. Unlike what you would expect from someone who has just been rejected by the same person for the umpteenth time, Berry chuckled, "you sound so polite that I am starting to think that I'm wrong for liking you", said Berry, his voice as clear and as normal as usual, like he was making a comment about the weather
Stuart felt his own heart tighten when he saw the suppressed emotions hidden in Berry's eyes. He didn't like to make people sad because of him but right now, he couldn't just watch Berry deceive himself because they exchanged small talk and smiles.
"Look Berry, I…" he was cut off by Berry who now wore a smile. A sad smile.
"You don't have to explain Stuart. I understand". Stuart watched as he stood up from the bed and went to the closet to look for dry clothes to change into. When he found them, he went into the bathroom and only came back when he was fully covered up in oversized pyjamas that belonged to Stuart.
He stood by the door of the bathroom, arms crossed and face unreadable as he stared at Stuart. "Come with me somewhere tomorrow", Berry suddenly said, breaking the uncomfortable silence in the room and leaving Stuart confused and surprised at the same time by his words.
Stuart was dumbfounded. He had clearly seen the pain Berry felt in his eyes and he was certain that no conversation would be held between them for the rest of the night. He had just rejected Berry yet the man was asking him to go somewhere with him tomorrow. Did the short time spent in the bathroom renew Berry's hope that he would be accepted?
As if reading Stuart's mind, Berry spoke, "Just a short while together, as friends, nothing else".
An unmistakable relief graced Stuart's features and it almost made Berry laugh. Was it so hard to agree to be with him? Will Stuart only see him as a friend?
Stuart replied after thinking for a while, "Sure, I will come, as friends, nothing else".
That damn word again. He just had to emphasize it!
"What time do you suggest?" Stuart inquired. He managed to sound like he was interested in the outing Berry suggested but he only knew how much it bothered him. Every minute he spent with Berry made him feel like he was breaking his heart over and over again. And Stuart was no stranger to heartbreak. He knew how it felt as he was still feeling it even now and he would not wish it on anyone.
Berry somehow figured out what was going on in Stuart's head. Maybe it was his clear and pure eyes that made it easy for anyone to know what he was thinking about.
But right now, Berry didn't care about that. He had successfully gotten himself some time to spend with Stuart, he would be a fool to waste it because he was bothered about what Stuart thought.
"The whole day sounds good to me. What do you think?" Stuart was taken aback but he soon recovered. The whole day didn't sound so bad to him either. He could use a break from work and himself.
"Perfect!" Berry nodded slowly in satisfaction. His crossed arms were separated and he walked over to Stuart before asking, "Where do I sleep tonight?"
"You can stay here if you want", Stuart answered thoughtlessly and even patted the space behind him. Berry was speechless. This was the same person who rejected him less than fifteen minutes ago. Why was he asking him to sleep in the same room and on the same bed with him?
"Don't you think you are being a bit too heartless Stuart? Are you trying to torture me?" Berry's quiet voice sounded in Stuart's ears and only then did the weight of his words dawn on him. However, before he could say anything, his lips were captured in a heated kiss.
Berry kissed Stuart deeply, his thoughts and emotions pouring into the passionate kiss he shared with Stuart. He knew that Stuart wanted friendship and nothing else but he wasn't satisfied. He wanted more than that. He wanted to be Stuart's boyfriend, husband even.
He snaked his hand around Stuart's neck, reaching his fingers into his dark hair and gently caressing his scalp to help him relax. Even though Stuart had yet to push him away, he could still feel that the man was tense all over.
After a long while, Berry detached himself from Stuart but that was only because he wanted Stuart to get some air. The short time he used to gather enough oxygen allowed him to study Stuart's expressions.
Stuart didn't look angry but he wasn't happy either. His face was unreadable and his clear eyes showed Berry that he wasn't comfortable with the kiss but he did not stop him. As for the reason why Stuart did not push him away even though he was uncomfortable, Berry had no idea.
"Satisfied?" Stuart suddenly asked, his raspy voice breaking the tangible silence in the room. What Berry saw was a man who was trying to ease himself of the guilt he was feeling. To Stuart, the kiss they shared was nothing but compensation for breaking Berry's heart. After this, he owed Berry nothing.
Berry let out a shaky sigh, his eyes tingling with unshed tears that he hid from Stuart. The thought that Stuart thought of his kiss as compensation of some sort both enraged and broke him. "Good night", he whispered before leaving the room and going to where he was going to sleep.