I didn't find my mother in the room, nor did I find her in the bathroom.
Where did she go? I ponder, slipping my hand into the open pockets of the sweater I was wearing, hugging it closer to my body.
Outside would probably be chilly now. Yes, that was the next place to go to. Outside. That is the only place left.
I hoped she would be sitting on the stairs or in the car though. I didn't want to go far. That fever that had shown a few symptoms in the morning was starting to rear its ugly head again. I couldn't stay outside for long.
Getting outside, my eyes roamed around the front porch and yard, but I didn't see my mother. Taking a deep breath in, I strolled to the backyard, sighing in relief when I saw her sitting on the short row of steps.
Hastening my footsteps, I stalked to her, sitting beside her when I got to that stairs.
"What are you doing here? Did you really not want the pasta that I cooked? Was it that bad?" She asked, immediately I sat down.
I huffed, shaking my head in disbelief. "Of course not mom. How could you think of that? I am always at peace with your food. Even though you hadn't cooked the favourite dish like you had promised, you know I would have still gone ahead to eat whatever you prepared. Your food are always delicious. It's just that I was lost in my thoughts, you know, about the fact that you hadn't spoken to me since you came back, and your face seemed sullen, and I had just been wondering why , and what the kycan king must have said, and my mind conjured up the worst thoughts, and believing that had caused me to drop the fork, not that I wasn't pleased with your food. Mom, I could never be unhappy with your food. Never think of that again." I replied, hanging my hand across her shoulder, whilst pressing myself to her.
She hugged me then by the side, rocking me gently, more to console herself than to reassure me.
Anything to make her feel okay. I thought, wrapping my arms around her too. Perhaps Lent was right. I had been the cause of the uproar tonight.
If I hadn't let go of the reins of my mind, if I hadn't believed the stupid imaginations of my mind even though it was just for one second, then the fork in my hand wouldn't have clanged against the plate getting the attention of my family members to me, my mother wouldn't have tried explaining the fault with her food, and Lilian wouldn't have made the sinister statement.
"Okay then, I see. " My mother muttered, bringing my attention back to the present. Whatever happened in the dining room was past. No need to dwell in the what ifs anymore.
"So, mother..how did the meeting go? What did the king say? What did Lilian mean by 'I will be leaving soon?'" I questioned, noting that she stopped rocking me immediately after my statement, perhaps letting the questions sink in and draw out their answers.
I knew that the subject was a sore one, seeing her reaction in the dining room and just at this moment, but I needed to know. She needed to talk to me about it. I couldn't be kept in the dark about this.
"Mum..I know that this is the last thing you want to talk about right now…but you have to tell me sometime right? So, why not tell me now?" I asked, pressing her with my arms tighter just to reassure her that everything would be okay.
She sniffed then, and looked on ahead to the road. I knew she was gathering her thoughts.
"The king and the council decided to let you go. You will be leaving the pack by next week to the city of humans. The king has some human friends whom he would contact and entrust your upkeep and safety to. They will make sure you complete your school year there and college education. You are allowed to visit the pack if you want. But you wouldn't necessarily live here since you are wolfless. There is no need to be in the pack or in the colonies. You are more a human. That way, you wouldn't be bullied again by higher beings than you are." She said blankly without mincing words.
It was like she just switched off her feelings and spurted the statement out. But when she was done though, she started to tear up.
"Mother, it is okay. Personally, I think it is for the best though. I don't fit in here, never will because I am wolfless. I would never be useful either.. it's better I leave. At least that way, I can find something interesting to do with my life, something that I love, and probably something that could impact the human world positively since I am useless here. And as the king said, I can visit anytime I want. So, cheer up mother. It is not the end of the world. I know that you will miss me so much, and I will miss you too. But you should be happy for me. I would never be bullied again. That's the best thing right?" I stated, hugging her closer, and doing the rocking this time around.
We stayed like that for a while, rocking each other, until she asked that we go inside. Outside was getting chiller by the passing moment. When we stood up from the stairs, she hugged me again.
"You know you are right. This probably is for the best. But I will miss you so much, and will visit you too whenever I have the chance. That said, we will be going shopping by tomorrow. There is no need to be in school tomorrow, is there? Since you will be leaving for the city by next week." she asked, as she disengaged from the hug and begin to walk up the steps with me.
"True. But not tomorrow. I want to see Noami." I replied, feeling a bit down when I remembered I had a new best friend. She was not going to like this piece of information.