Iseul brought more color into my life the moment she was born. I stopped working to take care of her. She was a jolly and curious kid, but we had to protect her at all costs. We know that occasionally cruel things happen in this place. To ensure her safety, we never left the hill, nor our house. Adwin was the only one who went out for work.
"Mamma, what do you call this flower?" At the age of five, Iseul started exploring around the house. She would always ask about plants because that was all she could see.
"It's a hyacinth. Be careful with that, alright? Your hand might get itchy if you touch its bulb," I said. I sat on a small wooden chair, watching my child play in our little garden. "It looks pretty, right?"
She nodded and smiled. "It's pretty like Mamma."
"You're prettier than Mamma, amore." Sunlight touched her pale skin. My lips rose as it made Iseul's eyes more visible. Her eyes were green, just like his father's.
"Papa! You're here!" Iseul exclaimed and ran towards his dad, who just got home from work. He works as a carpenter during the weekdays and goes to the field during the weekends.
"Mi hai aspettato, amore?" he said, lifting her up.
"Si, Papa!"
"Andiamo dentro e ceniamo, va bene?" Adwin asked, and Iseul nodded in joy. He gave me a kiss on the forehead before heading inside our small house. I already cooked dinner; we were just waiting for him to come home.
Iseul grew up using both the English and Italian languages. She's a fast learner, and she learned how to read and write at such a young age. At the age of seven, her curiosity began, and she started asking me about what it's like to be outside.
"Mamma, can we go outside?" she asked while watching me cook.
"Of course, we can walk around the hill again," I said, continuing to chop onions.
"No, Mamma. The outside beyond our house? What is it like?" she said.
I coughed. "It's... it's a big world, amore. It's too big for a little girl like you."
"Can we go there, Mamma? Per favor?" she asked again.
"We can go out when you're older," I said, trying to calm myself down. My mind was already telling me things I should worry about.
"When I'm eight?"
I shook my head. "When you're eighteen. Va bene?" She sighed and nodded her head in defeat.
The moment when she started convincing me to go farther from our home scared me the most. I never wanted her to know what the real world was. I couldn't imagine her seeing terrible incidents outside. I can't let her experience the things that we saw before.
One day, I woke up from my afternoon nap. Iseul was not here beside me, so I stood up immediately and looked for her around the house.
"Iseul?" I cried. I looked around the garden, and went down the hill, but I couldn't find her. "Iseul, where are you?" I ran towards the stairs that lead to the river. With my body shaking in nervousness, I started walking down the steps.
"Amore!"
I frowned when I saw Adwin, and he was holding Iseul. They were about to cross the bridge.
"Mamma! We went to the town!" Iseul said and giggled. I was silent as I approached them. I couldn't look at Adwin; I just went straight to Iseul and lifted her until we reached the house.
"Is there something wrong? Why aren't you talking to me?" Adwin asked. Iseul's already asleep, and we're here in the living room.
I glared at him with my bloodshot eyes. "Why did you bring her outside? Are you crazy?"
He scrunched his eyebrows. "What's wrong? She just wanted to see what it's like; she was curious. So I brought her for a short time."
I shook my head in disappointment. "You're putting her life in danger! We decided not to let her know what it's like there. Look what you have done! You just made her even more curious. What if she sees a traumatic event? We can't let her go through something like that."
"It's not good to restrict Iseul, and she got home safe. I was with her," he said calmly.
"You can't tell if something bad will happen or not. It's safer if my child stays inside this household. I don't care if she grows up without knowing what the world is like." I cursed through my breath.
"It's our child, Alba," he sighed. "She promised not to ask again to go outside. I promised to bring her to town once a year, and she accepted that. She won't ask you again to let her go out."
"Who said you can decide something like that?! She will never set foot outside for the sake of her safety. I don't care if you'll hate me, but I'll protect her more than anything. Even if it costs our marriage," I declared.
When did it start? The moment I got consumed by my fears, I started to create a wall. I even created a wall around my daughter so that she'd just stay in our house, where it's safe. Each year, Adwin fulfilled his promise to Iseul to let her see what the world outside was like. I started going out with them to ensure my daughter's safety.
Am I a bad mother for hating something that makes my daughter the happiest? Is it my fault that I'm scared she might love going to a place where I have a horrible memory? Maybe it was my fault.
"I'll go to work now, Amore," Adwin said, holding my hand. "I know you're scared. But trust me, it won't happen again. The bad things that happened to us will never happen to Iseul. Let's let her explore sometimes."
I pursed my lips, unhappy to hear what he said. I just nodded my head and tapped his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I'm this kind of wife." I smiled bitterly at him and left.
He went outside and bid goodbye to Iseul, who was busy in the garden. Iseul is now fifteen years old, and she grew up as an obedient daughter. I couldn't ask for more.
I got busy cleaning the house, then went outside right after. "What are you doing there?" I asked Iseul.
"Oh, I'm just rearranging flowers, Mamma!" Iseul said and stood up. "Is dinner ready?"
I nodded my head. "Yes, let's eat," I said and went inside. I also didn't notice that I stopped waiting for Adwin before we ate dinner. I got used to just having Iseul with me.
Iseul sat across from me on the table. Her face looked more mature, and her curly hair has a bigger volume now. She looked beautiful just the way she was. But as we ate dinner, she never looked into my eyes. Is she scared of me? I don't care if they see me as a bad mother, as long as she's safe.
"Paintings! Sir, look!"
My heart stopped beating when I heard people outside our house. I stopped moving my hands, waiting for them to talk again. Iseul looked at me with her eyes widening.
"It really is a painting! Who did this?"
I clenched my jaw. "Paintings?"
Iseul's mouth formed an 'o' and he immediately stood and walked outside.
"Iseul! Aspettare!" I called out, but she already went straight to where the voices were coming from.
I felt the whole world stop again, and my knees felt weak when I saw police officers in our garden. They were looking at papers, and I saw how each one of them had paintings on it. My hands felt... cold, and my vision became more blurry.
Iseul approached them. "Hey! Lasciarli andare!" She was about to reach for the paintings.
"Who did these paintings?" the officer asked my daughter.
"W-wait, Iseul." I was reaching for Iseul.
She's in front of two police officers who are holding paintings. Wait... Iseul made them? My daughter painted?
"I did those paintings, officer!" someone shouted from afar.
"Papa!"
"Adwin!"
We both called him, but the police approached his direction at a glance. I started panting and desperately beseeching the heavens. Please, no. Not now! Please, not in front of my daughter! Not my husband!
"You painted these?" the officer asked once again.
"No! Adwin!" I cried.
"Yes! I was actually a painter before I got here. I'm the only one who liked painting inside this house, so please don't do anything to my daughter and wife." He looked at me and gave a warm smile, but tears were pooling in his eyes. "I painted here in the East."
With that, the two men pointed a gun at my husband's head. And in a split second, I lost the man who brought color to my life.