A few days passed, and I was busy thinking about the dream that was not a dream. It seemed that the traps of the world were blaming me. I was almost devoid of creativity now. I thought I was something and it turned out that I was not. Winter had not really begun yet, but I began to miss spring. It reminds me that I have lived a long time. ...More than I should...More than I want..More than I asked for..
I was walking around, under the trees with red leaves, here, the flowers do not wither throughout the seasons, and I am. the only one who withers.
I was wearing a dark green and black hanfu, gold accessories on my neck and in my hair, making my steps shine with sounds. I closed my eyes and walked, not dreaming of tomorrow. When I opened my eyes, the world was black. I did not move. I looked around with my eyes, unlike the motionless features of my face. My eyes were teary, I looked shocked and anxious, my body and heart did not shake, I was never brave, I was never an upright woman, suddenly someone pulled me by the hand and made me turn to him, my eyes were wide open, I looked at him, my lower eyelashes that were colored with colorful makeup. Light red, my raised black eyelashes, my red lips, they gave the image a delicate curve, saved me from the deep darkness, I. the one who almost drowned.
I pulled myself together, moved his hands away from me and straightened up. I smiled a little faintly, "What's wrong with you, Tianyang?"
He looked at me worriedly, "I haven't seen you for a while, are you avoiding me? Or are you doing something dangerous alone again?"
I smiled somewhat maliciously, "Something dangerous?...Tian Yang, what is the most beautiful thing about me?"
He clenched his hands together and looked at me strangely, "Suddenly??? But honestly… nothing."
I laughed lightly, then looked into his eyes, "Your eyes tell."
He pulled back a little, looking away. "Your eyes... have those majestic hills, a light that says 'I will kill you' or 'I will kill the world for you' or 'I will give up the whole world for me'."
"Oh...it's all uncool stuff, but it doesn't bother me, maybe because it's my truth."
He turned to look at me, his eyes I couldn't read, his tone a little sad, "Why are your eyes so empty?..."
My eyes widened a little, then I cast my eyes around, teary-eyed, and then I realized.. the world was without colours, "Tears... perhaps.. wiped away the sparkle in my eyes with the passage of time."
He looked sorry for me, "Tears?..."
I approached him. He backed away a little. I put my hand on his heart. His eyes widened. I looked up to look into his eyes. We were very close. "I wanted to know... how this heart beats."
Boom. Suddenly, our world fell silent, and my vision became black. When I opened my eyes, I was on a high hill, to the north of a long sea shining with a faint light from the sun as it disappeared. The sky was dark and filled with clouds. Below, the whole city was a lighthouse. The sounds of laughter. It was very tidy, and crowded. Refreshingly, I found myself extending my hand in front of me, and walking. Blackness engulfed me. My right foot walked until I could find no ground beneath it. For a moment I thought I might fly. I thought to myself, "Oh, is this the world? The one she longs to give up everything for?"
Slowly, a warm hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me. My body was warm. Slowly, the shadow moved away from my world, if only for a temporary moment. We fell to the ground next to the slope. His hands were still on my waist. His head was on my shoulder. He was not looking at me. I put my hand on his hair. I asked him. "Are you afraid of cliffs?"
"I was afraid of losing you in this strange world."
"I... I wasn't afraid... despite the darkness..."
He moved away from me and sat aside, looking up at the sky, "Where are we? I put a barrier on my body, you can't put a curse on me."
''Someone said to me, 'It's not a curse, my dear, it's fate, it chose you to be closer than others.' It wasn't quite my curse... my love... our love was...''
His eyes sparkled, "What are you saying...?"
"I will tell you a story. I told myself so many times that it became boring."
As I had to, I told him everything. In the end, he laughed. I looked at him in surprise, "Are you crazy, Tianyang?"
He denied with his hands as he tried to stop laughing, "I thought I would love you all my life, I think I loved you even before that."
I felt a burning in my heart. I held my heart and looked away. He said, "Oh? Is your heart burning with emotion?"
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, "No, I almost had a heart attack. Don't say that terrifying thing."
He rolled his eyes, "What's so terrible about love?"
I looked forward, "When the path of love comes, my body shivers, and I am afraid."
"Are you afraid of love? What a strange disease..."
"Love is exactly like a painkiller. It makes you forget pain, sadness, and miserable things, and you slowly begin to dream of a better tomorrow, drawing a happy future and many dreams, but in a moment without realizing it, its effect disappears and you return to being in more pain than before. The dreams you had a minute ago become Mortal dreams or more like nightmares, love is just a painkiller and not a medicine, it is a poison that kills slowly."
"I can love you better, in a way that makes you not afraid."
I looked at him, "The moment someone shows love for me, I will leave him."
He looked at me, "Your words don't scare me at all. When I said your eyes were empty, I didn't mean it. I meant that your eyes looked hard, lonely, and in pain."
I began to look at his face, at his features, his eyes that looked drawn, the red and blue beauty marks under his eyes, his long eyelashes, his red lips, his sharp nose, his beautiful silky hair. I looked away to the sky, "I am afraid of what I will do. I cannot love at all, but if I loved... I hope, and if I don't hope, I will definitely leave no matter what."
"Take advantage of me, if you feel it's unfair, I don't mind."
I wanted to look at him but I couldn't, "I must find the remaining dragons."
He held my hand, "I can go with you!"
I pushed his hands away, "Put your hands by your side if you want them."
He raised his hands to the sky and laughed, "No need to be violent."
I looked sideways at the door that appeared, and laughed, "He knows how to save me, but I'm not in the mood to talk to him."
I stood up and brushed the dirt off my clothes, "It's time to go."
Tian Yang got up in dissatisfaction, "Why? Can't we come back here again?"
"We cannot, these are not in our memories and our lives at all..." I looked at the city, "We are only completing a story that was not completed in the past."
He looked at me a little sadly, "You don't look happy."
I walked towards the door, "This city... should be safe... nay, it should be safe, even in memory, since it no longer exists..."
I opened the door, and I was in my bed again, "Thank you.. for not forcing me to see you.."
I did not stay up this time. I started counting the places on my hands. Soon I will have to travel to the city of death again. I will prostrate myself. My heart will lead me...